The driver and conductor talked to me for quite a while .sx What they had to say I do not know , but I fancy the point was that if I had no money I could come on with them , and we'd see about settling up later on .sx The idea that an Englishman who couldn't speak anything but English ( I hadn't attempted to try my French on them ) might actually want to get out nowhere in particular in the middle of southern Portugal didn't seem to have occurred to them .sx It was ten minutes or so before I was able to get rid of that omnibus , with the Portuguese mails waiting all the time .sx By this time it was about half-past five , and as I stared round upon the absolutely deserted road I wondered where on earth I was and exactly what I was supposed to be doing .sx Eastwards , to my right , was Lagos , the railway , and the tail-end of all the civilization I knew .sx To the south and west lay the Atlantic ; from a little knoll one could see the water .sx To the north lay what ?sx I got out my map to investigate .sx I noticed a place called Vila da Bispo , which seemed to be pretty close , and funny , whiskery-looking marks that apparently indicated mountains , with a thin red line across them that might mean a cart-track .sx Then came more mountains and more thin lines , but there was no sign of a railway .sx This , it seemed to me , must be the " Unknown Portugal " I had heard about in the Consul-General's office back in London .sx Picking up my pack , I staggered and stumbled my way along the stony road , rutted feet deep , and presently reached the village .sx " HOSPITALIDAD .sx " If I may say so without risk of offence , Vila da Bispo struck me as the sort of place one sees to best advantage in an Academy .sx picture .sx As a subject for an artist , it would be hard to beat , but considered as a residential resort it has its drawbacks .sx There is one inn where you can put up , and one only .sx Outside , it says something about " Sandwechs " and " Hospitalidad , " which is probably good Portuguese but bad English .sx When I asked the gentleman in charge .sx about the " Sandwechs " he told me frankly that he didn't know what they were , but thought the word looked well .sx The " Hospitalidad " part means , I believe , something like " Good Lodgings for Single Men .sx " Anyway , the establishment was not an hotel de luxe , and offered an odd contrast to my Sagres hostelry of the night before .sx " Yes ; there was a bed an " inside bed , " which meant a cot in a very small roomthickly populated with similar beds , and having another room on either side of it .sx Unless the shutters of all these rooms were open , I noted , one retired in pitch darkness .sx Also , there was a meal Lagos fish , I think , when Lagos had got sick and tired of it which made its appearance about three hours after I had mentioned the subject .sx And then , about nine o'clock in the evening , they shut the doors of the establishment and the gaiety was over .sx These Continental nights are greatly over-rated .sx Hang it all !sx I am forty-seven years old , I have been in long trousers quite a while now , and I absolutely refuse to go to bed at nine o'clock !sx Not even my wife can make me , and I'm not going to let anyone else succeed where she fails .sx Accordingly , in default of something better to do , I sat from nine pip emma till eleven on the edge of a pigsty in the back yard , staring alternately at the pig and at my hostess , busily engaged in washing up dishes .sx Then , having vindicated my manhood , I retired to bed .sx In the morning , when I was presented with my bill , it began " Inglez " the Englishman and went on with " 3 cervejas " ( beers) .sx The Portuguese word for beer is very much like the Spanish one , but it is easier to pronounce .sx The rest of the account hardly mattered .sx The following day was a Sunday , and the " Hospitalidad " was very gay .sx At one time there must have been at least three people in the place at once , all , of course , intensely interested in myself .sx Where was I going to ?sx they inquired .sx I told them Bordeira , and pointed it out on my map .sx This was a village to the northwards , on the way to Setubal , and well away from Lagos and its railway .sx Mention of Bordeira somehow seemed to upset my audience , and after any amount of talk they produced a gentleman who spoke a little French .sx For Bordeira , he said , a guide would be necessary .sx In my ignorance , that seemed to me ridiculous .sx The place wasn't more than ten or twelve miles away , and though there were some mountains in between they were not the sort of Alpine peaks that call for guides .sx Biggish hills ; that's all they were , without any snow or glaciers or precipices .sx The guide business struck me as a sheer ramp just a trick to get money out of the guileless foreigner .sx Moreover , I had a map , and it showed roads that I could follow .sx But the gentleman who knew French more or less washed the map out :sx he waved his hand over it contemptuously .sx Bit by bit , with my shocking French and his pretty awful stuff , I gathered that the conduzir or guide wasn't necessary because I should need to embark upon any " Excelsior " stunts , or anything of that .sx kind , but simply because the map was no bon .sx There were no roads , despite the evidence of the map , and left to myself I should inevitably lose my way .sx At last , rather sulkily , I agreed to accept a guide .sx Secretly I was wondering what to do in case he attempted any funny business with knives or anything of that kind while we were out in the wilds .sx My sun-umbrella was the only weapon I possessed , and my wife , I knew , would be very annoyed if I broke it .sx THE GUIDE .sx Just as I was considering the comparative merits of a swift jab with the point and a hefty wallop with the handle , the conduzir came in , and I immediately realized that no umbrellas were going to be damaged over him .sx He was a little fellow , about half my size , with a friendly sort of smile and a funny little beard .sx Having been formally introduced to me , he was made to understand quite clearly that he'd got to take me to Bordeira .sx Next , under instructions , I publicly counted out about three shillings and then put the money back again in my pocket as a demonstration of what the agreed remuneration was to be .sx These preliminaries settled , everybody nodded assent , and off we started .sx Nothing had been said in our little contract about the transport of my pack , and accordingly , when we marched out of Vila da Bispo , I carried the thing myself .sx It cost two shillings and eleven pence at a big shop in the Euston Road .sx What with that and my flannel trousers , my alpaca jacket ( five shillings and eleven pence in Soho ) and my uplifted yellow-and-green umbrella , I must have looked every inch a WIDE WORLD Special Commissioner .sx Jose Antonio ( if that wasn't his name , it ought to have been ) , complete with a black umbrella , marched two paces ahead , and I flatter myself that we made up a column of route that did the old Magazine credit .sx Before we were out of the townlet , however , I began to revise my views about the pack .sx Surely Jose Antonio , as my hireling , ought at least to have offered to carry it ?sx The going was none too easy , and I should have preferred to march light .sx We traversed half a dozen twisting little lanes , scrambled over a sort of communal dust-heap , and then found ourselves at the foot of a mountain .sx Sierra , we travellers call it in Spanish , but in Portuguese it becomes serro .sx Then we started climbing .sx The mountains aren't really high , of course perhaps fifteen hundred feet or so , but the way we went they seemed to be about fifteen thousand , for we scrambled to the top of one , descended into a valley , and then climbed another .sx It never rains up in the mountains , or hardly ever , and so there is next to no , vegetation nothing but a kind of heather , with a stunted tree here and there .sx And there is no road at all , not even a track .sx The going consisted of a kind of grey dust , into which I sank ankle-deep at every step .sx For all my yellow-and-green umbrella I found it decidedly on the warm side ; When I came to a tree , therefore , I was very glad to flop down under it for an " easy " and a smoke .sx I was ever so glad when , as I stumbled to my feet after doing this for the first time , Jose Antonio volunteered to carry the pack .sx I would , have collapsed sooner than have asked him to do so , but all the same I felt very grateful , when he took it .sx After that we had alternate goes at it .sx At one place where we halted for a rest I got a bit of a shock .sx Just as I was going to throw myself down , the guide grabbed me by the arm and pointed excitedly to a biggish snake coiled up just where I , had been going to squat .sx While I stood out of the way , he tossed it up rather neatly with the point of his umbrella , played it , so to speak , for a moment , and then , getting it exactly where he wanted it , broke its back with a cunning swipe .sx Evidently there was more in Jose Antonio than I had thought .sx After that , we got on rather well when we had breath enough to try to talk at all .sx Ordinary conversation , of course , was out of the question , but there are a lot of things you can say without words if you try hard enough .sx We agreed , for instance , that it was hot .sx ( You do this by wiping your forehead .sx ) Then we decried the English climate .sx To accomplish this you say :sx " Inghilterra , " point at the sun ; and shake your head .sx That means there is no sun in England .sx When you wish to add that it always rains there , you point at the sky and make a sort of scrabbling motion downwards with your fingers .sx Presently , by putting my hands together and raising them to my mouth , I inquired whether it wasn't time for refreshments .sx '' But apparently it wasn't ; there were no refreshments to be got on the top of that confounded serro .sx In fact , all the way , for about five hours of it , we never saw a single inn .sx Indeed , we never came across any sign of life at all not a human being or a cottage or even a sheep .sx By the time we reached Bordeira I was getting decidedly sick of it .sx Coming into Bordeira wasn't like arriving at an English village .sx There were no cottages on the outskirts ; there weren't any outskirts .sx You just stumble down a steepish cleft in the serro and you're there .sx A path suddenly appears under your feet , widens into a rough sort of track , and there you are .sx I wouldn't be rude to the place .sx for the world , but I imagine that the local circulation of the WIDE WORLD is probably quite limited and that , therefore , no Bordeiran is in the least likely to read my remarks , so I may as well tell the truth .sx Well , on either side of the track you see a few lean-to erections of straw huddled against the cliff-side , and at first you think they are pigsties .sx But they aren't ; they are houses .sx Then , continuing on a few yards , you come to the main street , which contains about three one-storied cottages on one side and two on the other .sx And that , dear amigos , is the throbbing heart of Bordeira .sx I saw no signs of a reception committee or anything of that kind .sx In fact , the place was absolutely deserted ; there was not a soul to be seen .sx