Tops of the Bill .sx WILL HAY .sx By WILLIAM POLLOCK .sx IT is a funny thing that Will Hay should be so funny , because he has Scots blood in him , and Scotsmen are not supposed to be funny .sx Another funny thing is why so many comedians have names beginning with the letter H. There is Benson , and Howard ( Sydney ) and Howes , and Haig ( Emma ) , and Hardwicke ( Cedric ) , and Hicks , and the Hulberts and the Hales .sx It is just a h-accident , I suppose .sx Will Hay was born in Stockton-on-Tees in 1888 , his father being a Scottish engineer with a liking for getting up charity concerts .sx Part of his charity began at home , where he trained all his children to sing or play to the point when they could , if wanted , give a whole evening's entertainment off the family bat .sx It was this that started Will Hay off in the way which he undoubtedly had to go and side-tracked him from following in his father's engineering footsteps .sx He began professionally with a concert party in the suburbs of Manchester , and from this beginning graduated to other concert parties , including an Isle of Man one .sx Then he got to Variety in London , singing a song called " Bend Down , " and then to Fred Karno's companies .sx He has played in revue , in pantomime , and been to Australia , New Zealand , South Africa and the United States .sx Will Hay once told me that he got the idea of his schoolmaster sketches from one of his sisters , who was a schoolmistress .sx She used to tell him stories about funny things that happened in her school ; and out of his " Bend Down " song grew the series of sketches that have come to make people laugh so much .sx There are half a dozen of them altogether , and in them Will Hay presents himself as a comic master , in constant undignified argument with his pupils .sx They are the funniest things Variety has given us since the days of Harry Tate in " Motoring , " " Fishing , " and the rest .sx They bring laughs with machine-gun rapidity ; and , personally , I know nothing more utterly ludicrous on the stage to-day than Hay , complete with wig and gown , and armed with a cane , trying to keep in order his cheeky boy and his silly , deaf old man , dressed up as a boy .sx The irascible argument about " Ware " and " where " always starts me no-stop laughing in the new boy sketch ; and I do not know anything more comic than the scene in which these three champions of foolery set out to catch a beetle in the cause of entomology .sx The old man part arose in this particular sketch , which is a second edition of an earlier one .sx Writing to me , Will Hay said :sx - .sx " ' Entomology ' is a new version of ' Find the Beetle .sx ' When I produced 'Find the Beetle' it was necessary to enlarge the company , and I vainly searched for another boy .sx Being unable to find one I decided to engage a man who could be made up as a boy .sx The , effect of the boy's make-up on the man was so ludicrous that it gave me the idea of having a very old man in an Eton suit , and so was born the elderly scholar .sx " Many boys have played the boy's part , and many men have played the elderly scholar's part .sx The present boy is Will Hay , Junior , who stepped in to deputise for ones of the regular boys at a moment's notice at the Coliseum , and put up such a good performance that I decided that acting was in the blood , and young Will Hay has played the boy's part ever since .sx " The old man is at present played by Gordon Saunders , who took the part when it was vacated by Bert Platt , a nephew of mine .sx Mention should be made .sx of the fact that my wife played the part of the old scholar at a moment's notice one evening at the Chiswick Empire , owing to one of the company being indisposed .sx " I am a man of many hobbies .sx I have been a boxer , long distance swinmer , a rifle shot , and an air pilot , and have won many prizes and cups in these branches of sport .sx Tops of the Bill .sx MAURICE CHEVALIER .sx By WILLIAM POLLOCK .sx THEY say that Sir Oswald Stoll offered to pay Maurice Chevalier 7,200 for a week ( three performances a day ) at the Coliseum which seems to be an impossible figure to me ; that the Palladium was prepared to guarantee him 1.500 , and might have gone to 2,000 , for a two-performances-a-day week ; and that Charles B. Cochran was ready to book him .sx Everyone was after him , in fact , but it is Clifford Whitley , one of the original 250 founders of " The Co-Optimists , " who has landed the prize .sx Clifford Whitley is a close friend of the Frenchman , and has fixed up for Chevalier to do a fortnight at the Dominion Theatre , W.C. , at the beginning of December .sx He is guaranteed the pleasant round sum of 4,000 a week , and he may get more .sx He is " on " fifty per cent .sx of the gross .sx To " get out " they will have to taken nearly 7,000 a week at the Dominion .sx It is an easy record in guaranteed money , and it just shows how world success on the films can put on an artiste's value .sx I believe that Harry Lauder , working on a percentage , once took more than two thousand pounds as his share of a week's receipts in Glasgow , but a minimum of four thousand a week is hitherto unheard of in Variety in this country .sx Just at present Maurice Chevalier is , I should say,the most popular performer in the world , and he is therefore perfectly right in making all the hay he can while the sun is shining upon him .sx I have no doubt there will be grumbles about " a foreigner " coming to London and getting all this money , but who is there who would not take Chevalier's chances if they had them ?sx Not a soul .sx Besides , he is not keeping anyone else out of work by going to the Dominion .sx On the contrary , he is helping to make work for others there .sx Just before she went to Hollywood to film for ten weeks at 1,000 a week I had a talk with Evelyn Laye and asked her if she thought she was worth a thousand pounds a week .sx " I don't know,'' she said , " but I am going to get it while the going is good .sx Sooner or later , someone else will come along and be in more demand than I am .sx " That is the sensible way of looking at these things .sx Now I suppose if I say that Maurice Chevalier is preferable as an artiste to the late and internationally beloved Rudolph Valentino I shall get myself into a certain amount of hot water .sx Well , I can only say that I think so because he can do more and do it more cleverly .sx Valentino was only a film star ; Chevalier has been a stage star for some years , and he has now broken into the films with amazing , sweeping success .sx I should not call him a very good-looking man .sx There is , for example , nothing at all classic about the shape of his nose , and his under-lip is thick and protrudes .sx But he has that greatest of all qualities , charm or , as it is nowadays called , personality or sex appeal .sx Women " love " him , and contrary to the general rule in such cases men .sx like him , too .sx Usually , these women's idols annoy men and sicken them , but Chevalier does not .sx You feel that he is out and out masculine - a hundred per cent .sx man .sx The Week's Gossip .sx By ALFRED BARNARD .sx It is two years ago since the Palladium returned to Variety , and during that period Mr. George Black has been searching the world for first-class artistes and acts , and he says :sx " It has been encouraging to find what rich variety of talent exists .sx There is no doubt that Variety entertainment is becoming more and more international , and as British artistes are meeting with equal success in other lands , this is to the good .sx " Best Only for Black .sx Mr. George Black has been interested in observing that audiences still respond to the same types of Variety entertainment as they did years ago , so long as it is always the best of its kind .sx Mr. Black has found , however , that what the people do want nowadays is speed in presentation , which has led to rather revolutionary methods of organising programmes .sx Brighter Prospects .sx The Daily Mail theatre correspondent sees a complete revival of music hall prosperity , with a considerable development of the scope of Variety entertainment as one of the most interesting prospects of the autumn and winter theatrical season .sx " This return to the old-time popularity of the halls , " says the Mail , " has been slowly becoming evident for several months past , and the steadily increasing audiences of the last few weeks have confirmed the evidence .sx Symptomatic of this revival are the reports that the London Alhambra , which is at present showing films , is shortly to revert to Variety , also the prospect that there will be similar steps back to stage performances in several provincial centres .sx " Show the Goods !sx It is for Variety artistes themselves to provide the talent necessary to reap the advantage of this turn of the tide to which our contemporary refers .sx Mr. George Black , who knows , says that it has been encouraging to find what a rich variety of talent exists , and Mr. Black knows .sx All the same , it is up to every artiste to have on offer the right goods .sx Frank Wignall's Big Four .sx " The Big Four , " the Masters of Music and Mirth of Australia , will make their first appearance at the London Coliseum on Monday next .sx The quartette started its career by accident in Melbourne in 1922 , on the occasion of a producer of musical comedies unexpectedly needing a speciality .sx The Big Four filled the vacancy , and since that time they have played in almost every town and hamlet in Australia and New Zealand .sx Three of the Big Four are Australians , but Mr. Frank Wignall , the baritone of the party , is a brother of Mr. Trevor C. Wignall , the well-known sports correspondent of .sx the Daily Express .sx It is nearly twenty years ago since Mr. Frank Wignall left England for a six weeks' tour of South Africa .sx Finding success , however , he remained there for a number of years , afterwards going to Australia to play the part of the cobbler in " Chu Chin Chow .sx " A Warning .sx Wignall warns English artistes going to Australia against the wholesale imitation that has often ruined them before they have started .sx His own act , " The Big Four , " for instance , was copied all over Australasia , and there were soon eighteen " Fours , " all doing a similar sort of show .sx If Robey Went .sx " If George Robey went , " he says , " he would find that all his gags had been stolen beforehand , and that his dress and make-up had been copied .sx A few years ago , you would have found Harry Weldons by the score .sx An imitation of Weldon's act was recently the standard of Australian comedy .sx When Little Tich arrived they expected him to dance on the toes of his big boots .sx When he didn't do it , for he was getting old , they gave him the bird .sx His songs , you see , had been copied before .sx The Copyists .sx " Australian artistes who have friends in England send them to London music-halls to write down the gags in shorthand and copy out the songs .sx It has been done to us almost in front of our faces , so yon can guess what could happen 13,000 miles away .sx " Cash First .sx " Before an English actor leaves for Australia , " advises Wignall , " he should insist that his salary be paid in London , and also that he is guaranteed a certain number of weeks within a stipulated time .sx If you are a failure they sometimes try to freeze you out by giving you , say , your ten weeks' work in a year and making you travel 3,000 miles between towns .sx " Mr. Gillie Potter , who was the outstanding success at the Royal Command performance last May , has written a protest against the invasion of our music halls by Americans to The Church Times .sx