All  that  week  of  the  Mission  the  back-sliders  came  to  chapel  ;  there  were  services  every  night  , and  we  imported  an  additional  priest .sx   He  was  eloquent  , or  so  we  thought  , and  on  one  of  the  nights  he  preached  a  sermon  on  Hell .sx   If  Love  and  Duty  could  not  draw  us  nor  the  prospective  delights  of  Heaven  , what  was  there  to  do  but  threaten  and  frighten  us   ?sx   The  new  preacher  , a  Dominican  , drew  a  lurid  picture  of  the  torments  of  the  dammed  and .sx   their  duration .sx   If  a  block  of  marble  the  height  of  a  house  were  visited  by  a  bird  every  thousand  years  , and  it  were  merely  to  brush  the  block  with  its  wing  , the  friction  though  slight  would  in  a  great  number  of  thousands  of  years  wear  down  the  marble  to  a  level  with  the  earth  , but  after  the  lapse  of  all  that  vast  time  , the  torments  of  the  lost  souls  would  be  only  commencing   :sx   and  bitterer  than  all  the  physical  torment  would  be  the  thought  that  they  were  separated  from  God  for  ever  and  ever  , and  that  they  themselves  by  their  own  free  will  had  plunged  themselves  into  that  abyss .sx   " Ah  , brethren  listening  here  to-night  , will  you  not  while  there  is  yet  time  , and  God's  mercy  and  grace  are  extended  to  you  , will  you  not  shun  Hell  and  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come   ?sx   Will  you  not  etcetera  , etcetera .sx   " The  entire  congregation  was  moved  ;  some  were  evidently  disturbed   :sx   nothing  could  be  heard  but  deep  breathing  and  sighs   :sx   even  the  rows  of  boys  on  the  front  benches  were  less  restive  than  usual .sx   What  fervent  resolutions  did  we  not  make  on   .sx
coming  away  , henceforth  to  lead  different  lives    with  the  help  of  God  really  to  renounce  the  Devil  and  all  his  works  , the  World  with  all  its  pomps  , and  the  Flesh  with  all  its  temptations   !sx   Some  of  us  kept  away  from  the  public  house  a  whole  fortnight  , then  we  began  to  backslide  and  slacken  again .sx   But  I  became  once  more  devout  , and  wanted  to  be  learned .sx   St.  Thomas  Aquinas  was  my  great  pattern  and  I  chose  him  for  my  patron  saint   :sx   I  read  somewhere  in  a  book  that  Our  Lord  Himself  appeared  to  Thomas  , The  Great  Ox  of  Learning  , The  Fifth  and  Universal  Doctor  , and  said  " Bene  scripsisti  de  me  , Toma  ;  quam  mercedam  accipias   ?sx   "  and  Thomas  answered  " Nil  nisi  Te  , Domine .sx   " I'm  not  sure  that  my  Latin's  correct  , but  I  know  the  English  of  it  is  , " Well  hast  thou  written  of  me  , Thomas  ;  what  bounty  shall  I  bestow  upon  thee   ?sx   and  the  answer  was  " None  , save  Thyself  Lord   !sx   "  What  a  transcendent  honour   !sx   Complimented  by  Jesus  Christ  Himself   !sx   Of  course  it  never  occurred  to  me  that  whatever  was  meritorious  in  Thomas's  writings  must  have  been  inspired  by  Jesus  Christ    Who  was  God  , and  that  it  was  rather  late  in  the  day  for  Christ  fourteen  hundred  years  after  He  established  His  Religion  to  get  Thomas  as  amanuensis  and  commentator  to  elucidate  and  make  doctrines  plainer  than  they  had  been  before .sx   The  whole  affair  amounts  to  this  " I  am  God  , and  I  guide  and  inspire  you  Thomas  to  write  about  Me   :sx   then  I  personally  thank  you  and  want  specially  to  reward  you  for  this  thing  that  I  am  virtually  author  of  and  writer  of  Myself .sx   " I  assure  any  who  may  some  time  or  other  read  these  contents  that  I  feel  no  animus  ,  .sx
have  no  bias .sx   I  am  simply  bringing  what  intellect  I  possess  to  bear  on  the  notions  and  credences  that  were  poured  into  me  before  I  had  sufficient  intellect  to  judge  of  them .sx   Why  should  I  be  prejudiced  , or  quibble  , or  pretend   ?sx   How  can  one  juggle  with  his  soul   ?sx   Why  have  an  intelligence  if  one  cannot  trust  it   ?sx   I  am  just  as  sincere  now  that  I  believe  in  no  creed  as  I  was  at  the  time  of  the  Mission  , and  at  that  time  I  was  transfigured .sx   I  felt  we  were  all  one  great  family  with  God  for  father  and  the  Blessed  Virgin  Mary  as  dear  mother .sx   Our  Father's  Divine  Will  and  presence  were  manifest   :sx   He  was  helping  His  children  , and  oh  , what  an  unspeakable  comfort   !sx   What  a  sweet  sense  of  joy  and  gratitude  and  safety  and  happiness  for  evermore   !sx   
I  went  to  confession  and  communion  monthly  , and  attended  Novenas  and  Quarantores   :sx   I  wore  a  blessed  medal  round  my  neck  attached  by  a  tape   :sx   I  also  wore  the  blessed  cord  of  the  Angelic  Warfare .sx   What's  that   ?sx   you  ask .sx   Well  , the  legend  is  that  St.  Thomas  Aquinas  was  sorely  tempted  to  be  unchaste  , but  successfully  resisted  all  temptation  , and  then  the  angels  appeared  to  him  and  girded  him  , and  after  that  he  was  subject  to  no  more  temptation  of  that  kind .sx   I  wore  the  girdle .sx   The  Church  is  very  cunning   :sx   it  does  not  make  such  observances  articles  of  Faith  , but  it  recognises  and  encourages  them  as  means  and  instruments  of  Piety .sx   If  you  want  to  know  did  the  angels  really  gird  St.  Thomas  you're  told  " Well  , it's  not  an  article  of  Faith   :sx   " at  the  same  time  , you  may  believe  it  if  you  like .sx   This  leaves  the  case  undecided  as  to  its  truth  or  falsity .sx   I  had  an  aunt  whose  husband   .sx
being  a  farm  labourer  in  regular  work  enabled  her  to  purchase  a  Douay  Bible  ;  I  paid  frequent  visits  to  the  aunt  and  read  that  Bible  from  Genesis  to  the  Apocalypse .sx   Fancy  going  diligently  through  all  that   .sx   stuff  of  Leviticus  and  Numbers  and  Deuteronomy  and  Kings  and  so  on  I  Was  it  not  , though  , all  the  Word  of  God   ?sx   But  some  of  the  erotic  incidents  aroused  my  curiosity  as  to  sexual  matters .sx   I  had  looked  into  Testaments  and  Bibles  before  , but  they  were  not  safe  , being  Protestant  ones .sx   The  Douay  version  was  the  genuine  thing .sx   I  read  avidly  whatever  Church  histories  I  could  come  across  , and  was  greatly  impressed  with  the  decisions  of  the  First  Council  of  this  and  the  Third  Council  of  that .sx   I  learned  something  of  the  heresies  of  Arians  , Nestorian  , Berengarians  , Pelagians  and  Donatists  , and  meandered  through  the  meanderings  of  the  Schoolmen .sx   I  remember  my  astonishment  to  find  that  members  of  the  Greek  Church  were  not  Heretics  , but  only  Schismatics .sx   How  strange  though  that  their  clergy  are  allowed  to  marry  , and  that  even  in  the  Roman  Church  at  one  time  ( I  don't  remember  now  when  ) priests  took  unto  themselves  wives  This  , after  St.  Paul  saying  it  is  not  good  for  a  man  to  touch  a  woman .sx   The  Church  greatly  honours  the  Blessed  Virgin  , but  well  , a  woman  can  be  a  nun  , a  canonized  Saint  , a  Blessed  Martyr  , but  she  is  barred  from  being  a  priest  , or  , if  you  will  , priestess .sx   The  case  of  Louise  Lateau  brought  confirmation  to  my  faith   :sx   the  age  of  chivalry  might  be  gone  , but  the  age  of  miracles  was  not .sx   Louise  was  a  Belgian  peasant  girl  , a  stigmatic  , and  about  1868  she  was  visited  and  examined  and  tested  by  medical  men  and  pathologists   .sx
from  various  countries  of  Europe .sx   To  do  the  Church  justice  , it  stepped  in  even  before  the  medical  men  to  examine  the  remarkable  phenomena .sx   Louise  became  entranced  and  unconscious  every  Friday  and  bled  from  forehead  , side  , hands  , and  feet .sx   I  believe  it  was  conclusively  shown  that  the  tests  applied  pre-vented  the  possibility  of  fraud .sx   Everyone  connected  with  the  tests  appears  to  have  been  puzzled .sx   A  question  that  occurs  to  me  since  is  ( supposing  this  to  be  in-tended  for  a  Revelation  ) Why  should  a  Belgian  girl  alone  have  this  visitation  that  so  few  would  become  cognizant  of   ?sx   Why  not  have  visited  or  afflicted  a  dozen  or  a  score  girls  similarly  in  every  Christian  country   ?sx   I  had  read  of  St.  Francis  of  Assisi  and  other  stigmatics  of  the  past  , but  Louise's  case  was  different  ;  the  thing  was  taking  place  in  our  own  day  and  before  our  very  eyes .sx   
From  the  time  I  was  able  to  read  at  all  , I  wanted  to  know  things  ;    not  necessarily  to  think  and  weigh  ,   that  comes  after   :sx   but  I  was  interested  in  everything  written  about  anything  , and  couldn't  understand  how  most  people  seemed  to  be  indifferent  ;  the  disposition  to  learn  is  absent  in  them .sx   What's  to  prevent  a  curious  youth  from  learning  something  of  Theology  , Archaeology  , Mythology  , Philosophy  and  Science  , granted  that  he  can  obtain  books   ?sx   Milner's  End  of  Religious  Controversy  might  satisfy  my  father  and  The  Life  of  St.  Teresa  and  Think  Well  On't  my  mother  , but  I  had  to  go  further  , and  so  to  my  soul's  ruin  according  to  some  , to  my  intellectual  emancipation  according  to  others .sx   How  well  certain  dicta  stick  in  the  memory  after  many  years  , as  for  instance  , Macaulay   .sx
on  the  Catholic  Church  ,   " She  may  yet  " exist  in  undiminished  vigour  when  some  traveller  from  New  Zealand  shall  in  the  midst  of  a  vast  solitude  take  up  his  stand  upon  a  broken  arch  of  London  bridge  to  sketch  the  ruins  of  St.  Pauls .sx   " And  Cobbett  saying  of  the  Protestant  Reformation  " It  was  engendered  in  beastly  lust  , brought  forth  in  perfidy  and  hypocrisy  , and  cherished  and  fed  by  plunder  and  devastation  , and  by  rivers  of  innocent  English  and  Irish  blood .sx   " I  couldn't  help  wondering  how  Cobbett  and  Macaulay  could  write  such  sentences  without  asking  for  admission  into  the  Church .sx   Ah   !sx   if  only  I  could  write  like  the  above  authors   !sx   But  I  discovered  I  needed  Grammar  and  Logic  and  -  no  ,   not  Rhetoric .sx   
" For  all  a  Rhetorician's  Rules   .sx
Teach  nothing  but  to  name  his  tools .sx   " 
So  I  dropped  that  ;  but  Logic    I  would  have  to  be  logical  ;  oh  yes  ;  so  I  began  to  dabble  with  syllogisms  , the  undistributed  middle  , ignoratio  elenchi  , sorites  , and  the  rest  of  it  , and  had  no  suspicion  that  James  Thomson  ( B.V.  ) might  be  right  when  he  says  that  logic  is  " the  art  of  erring  with  method .sx   " Grammar  of  course  was  a  sine  qua  non  , and  we  must  acquire  it  in  the  most  hateful  and  foolish  manner  by  learning  all  the  rules  and  rigmarole  of  Orthography  , Etymology  , Syntax  and  Prosody .sx   Wishful  to  be  a  poet  as  well  as  a  prose  writer  and  orator  I  must  needs  know  something  of  Scansion  too .sx   Nietzsche  hadn't  yet  arisen  to  condemn  all  this  as  useless  and  wasteful  , so  Bernard  Shaw's  contention  held  the  field .sx   Yes  Shaw  , you're  right   :sx   if  anyone  needs  grammar    correct  expression  as  a  weapon  in  the  war  for  social  betterment  , the   .sx
proletaire  is  the  one   :sx   dukes  and  lords  and  royalties  might  be  slangy  and  slipshod  in  speech  , but  the  King  can  say  no  wrong  as  well  as  do  no  wrong .sx   The  mere  working  class  man  must  be  precise  and  faultless  in  speech  and  in  writing  or  he's  turned  down  ( or  up  ) by  everybody  who  is  anybody  as  an  uneducated  ignoramus .sx   So  the  way  you  say  a  thing  is  more  important  than  the  thing  itself  , and  come  on  Lindley  Murray  , and  Cobbett  and  Linnie  ;  come  on  so-and-so's  Composition  and  Analysis .sx   The  pity  of  it   !sx   Fifty  times  a  day  at  my  work  in  the  factory  I  must  hear  such  sentences  as  " It  war  im  wat  done  it  " and  " I  aint  seed  nowt  on  im  " and  at  night  at  the  Working  Men's  College  I  learn  rules  and  find  that  the  above  sentences  should  be  " It  was  he  who  did  it  " and  " I  haven't  seen  anything  of  him .sx   " " Words  , words  , words .sx   " En  arche  en  o  logos   :sx   it  makes  one  almost  believe  it .sx   What  could  be  more  ungrammatical  than  " me  thinks  "  ?sx   Yet  this  is  a  poetical  diction  , an't  please  ye .sx   Pronunciation  too  was  no  little  difficulty   :sx   I  had  to  drop  my  Irish  habit  of  rolling  my  " rs  " and  emphasising  my  " aitches  " while  at  the  same  time  avoiding  the  abominable  Leicestershire  Eentche   ?sx   for  " Ar'nt  you   ?sx   "  wick  and  ship  for  week  and  sheep  , yow  for  you  and  ger  and  gor  for  get  and  got .sx   In  the  villages  they  actually  say  " street  down  that  straight  " for  straight  down  that  street .sx   What  could  a  foreigner  make  of  " Giz  "  ?sx   This  is  a  contraction  of  " give  us  " and  us  is  used  instead  of  me  , just  as  an  editor  says  we  instead  of  I.  Is  this  what  the  philologists  call  a  solecism   ?sx   I'm  sure  I've  forgotten .sx   Anyhow  , don't  think  of  learning  a  language  from  the  uneducated .sx