The Englishman , on the other hand , was both discreet and temperate .sx There was also the great building of the Secretariat itself , in which the permanent officials were always ready to welcome visitors at any hour during the day .sx There was the lake , blue , clear , like a polished aquamarine , translucent , exquisite , studded with far-off brick-red sails of barges and white butterfly yachts , and defended by the everlasting snows of Mont Blanc and the Dent du Midi .sx Boats could be hired for sailing on the lake , the bathing was warm and luxurious , and on the far side were restaurants , where a man might dine with a lovely lady and see what could be done in the way of wooing by the light of Orion upon dark waters and the sound of little murmurous waves .sx And anyone who failed to advance his suit in those little lake-side restaurants might just as well reconcile himself at once to a long life of dreary celibacy .sx In addition to all these attractions there were the dancing-halls and the cabarets and the cafes in the Old Town , especially the one that wasn't actually the one that Lenin and Trotsky used to frequent in the old days and is now demolished , but wasn't far off , and the Kursaal , and the lounges of the big hotels and the cinemas .sx Yes , Geneva was full of distractions for even the keenest of students of international affairs and English policy , and , after the first week of .sx preliminaries , Donald had to make a stern resolution to attend to business and eschew frivolities .sx Sir Henry Wootton was thoroughly enjoying himself , and had already devoted several evenings to the discussion of a lot of urgent international business at one of the lake-side restaurants with the permanent deputy-chief of the Exchange-of-Municipal-Experience Section of the Secretariat .sx The permanent deputy-chief looked very fetching in black velvet and a picture hat , and Sir Henry was as sorry as his secretary when the time came for the application of noses to grindstones .sx The normal procedure of the Assembly was as follows .sx The first week was devoted to speech-making on any subject under the sun by any delegate who wanted to get his name into print in the newspapers of his native country .sx Nobody listened to them , not even the reporters of the native newspapers , for they had received typewritten copies of the speech which affected them , six or seven hours before it was delivered .sx After this week of oratory had been completed , the Assembly split itself up into six Committees , three of which were presided over by an English , French , and German president , two by South Americans , and one by an Asiatic .sx On this occasion the two South Americans were Panama and Paraguay ; the Asiatic was Caspia .sx But the procedure had to be somewhat modified , as at first no South American delegates were available , for the following rather singular and quite exceptional reason .sx The second week of the Assembly happened to coincide with the fourthsession of the Permanent Committee for the Suppression of Obscene Photographs , Post Cards , Magazines , Advertisements , and Publications in General , and by a curious coincidence all the South Americans , including Cuba , San Domingo , and Haiti indeed , headed by San Domingo and Haiti , with Cuba well in the running for a place decided to attend the meetings of the Committee .sx Fortunately for the work of the Assembly , the sessions of the Permanent Committee for the Suppression of Obscene Photographs , Post Cards , Magazines , Advertisements , and Publications in General came to an abrupt halt on the second day , the entire collection of specimens of the literature in question , so laboriously collected over a long period by the Secretariat , having been pinched by the delegates .sx Sir Henry was assigned by the Earl of Osbaldestone , Britain's senior delegate , to the Committee for the Abolition of Social Abuses , and he despatched Donald first to the Secretariat for documents , which would tell him what exactly the Abuses were , and then to the Staff of Foreign Office experts for information about the British Official Policy which Sir Henry was to expound and advocate .sx Donald had no difficulty about the documents .sx There were sheaves of them , printed and typed , records of past Conferences , verbatim minutes of Committees , draft resolutions , amendments to draft resolutions , alterations to amendments of draft resolutions , cancellations of alterations , copies of speeches , and Press reports from publications as far divided , geographically and politically , as the .sx Singapore Hardware and Allied Trades Independent , the Santiago de Chile Indigo Exporters' Quarterly , The Times , Der Wienerwurst and Schnitzeller Tages-Zeitung of Rothenburg-am-Tauber , a matrimonial journal called The Link , the Manchester Guardian , Who's Who in Cochin-China , and the Irish Free State Union of Sewage-Inspectors' Annual Report .sx Donald hired two taxis and filled one up to the roof with the necessary documents and directed the man to drive to Sir Henry's hotel , while he himself went in the other .sx After a couple of hours spent in sorting , sifting , and arranging , Donald discovered the crucial sheet of paper on which was printed the agenda of the Commission .sx It appeared that the two main Abuses at which Sir Henry was due to launch himself were the Illicit Traffic in Synthetic Beer , and the existence in certain countries of Houses of Ill-Repute , discreetly called Licensed Establishments , and Donald set off on his second mission to obtain the Official Policy on these two matters .sx The Foreign Office experts occupied the whole of the second floor of the hotel , and Donald doubtfully entered a sitting-room from which issued a rattle of typewriters , and on the door of which was pinned a label which said , rather surprisingly , " Chancery .sx " He was instantly abashed at finding himself in the midst of a perfect vision of beauty and elegance .sx On all sides radiant young ladies , obviously straight from the establishments of Poirot , Paquin , or Molyneux , were whacking away with dainty fingers at type-writing machines .sx The air was full of incense .sx Bloodrushed to Donald's head .sx His eyes went dim .sx The room darkened .sx A golden-haired Aphrodite slid up to him but he could not see her .sx He wanted to fly but his legs would not move .sx He perspired vehemently , and longed for the quiet midden at the Mains of Balspindie .sx After what seemed five or six hours , a vision of blue eyes and golden hair swam out of the mist before him and he stammered a vague and halting statement of his requirements , dropping his hat twice during the recital and , on the second occasion , clutching wildly at the Aphrodite's silken ankle as he groped for it .sx The goddess was quite unperturbed by the sudden grasp .sx Lady Secretaries at international conferences which are attended by South Americans quickly get accustomed to almost anything .sx Nervous Englishmen , or Scotsmen , are child's-play to those who can , with deftness and dignity , handle a Venezuelan .sx As soon as Donald had released his grip upon her ankle , had retrieved his hat , and had embarked upon a flood of apologies , she cut him short with kindly firmness , and led him through the roomful of beauty to an inner sanctum into which she pushed him with the words , " You want Mr. Carteret-Pendragon .sx " The inner sanctum was a strange contrast to the outer room .sx It was very large , being one of the largest sitting-rooms in the hotel and seldom occupied during the other months of the year except by Nebraskans and Maharajahs , and was furnished tastefully in green , gold , and marble .sx There were probably more than one thousand gold tassels on the .sx curtains alone , a source of legitimate pride to the management .sx Three young men were sitting in complete silence at three tables , marble-topped and gilt-legged .sx None of them looked up as Donald came in , and after the golden Venus had closed the door with a snap , a deep , religious soundlessness fell upon the place , as in a cathedral upon a summer's afternoon .sx Donald choked down a nervous cough and waited .sx At last one of the young men laid down his pen , leant back in his chair and said , " Well ?sx " " Mr. Carteret-Pendragon ?sx " " That is my name , sir .sx " " I am Sir Henry Wootton's private secretary , " began Donald .sx " My name is Cameron " .sx " How-do-you-do .sx My name is Carteret-Pendragon .sx Let me introduce Mr. Carshalton-Stanbury , and this is Mr. Woldingham-Uffington .sx " The two young men got up and bowed gravely and sat down again and went on with their work .sx Donald noticed that all three were wearing Old Etonian ties .sx " It's about Sir Henry and the Social Abuses Commission , " said Donald .sx " Sit down , " said Mr. Carteret-Pendragon .sx He was a young man of about thirty with beautiful fair hair , parted at the side and flat and very shiny , a razor-like crease down his grey trousers , pale-yellow horn-rimmed spectacles , and a dark-red carnation in his buttonhole .sx Mr. Carshalton-Stanbury's hair was black , his horn-rims dappled , and his carnation vermilion .sx Mr. Woldingham-Uffington's hair , horn-rims , and carnation were all yellow .sx " Sir Henry wants to know what line he is to take about the traffic in Synthetic Beer , " said Donald .sx Mr. Carteret-Pendragon wrinkled his snow-white brow .sx " I don't think I quite follow , " he said in some perplexity .sx " Sir Henry thinks that he will probably have to make a speech about it , you see , " explained .sx Donald .sx " In a sense , yes , " replied Mr. Carteret-Pendragon , " and in another sense , no .sx It will , " he added , as if clarifying the position , " of course , be expected of him .sx " " And he wants to know what to say .sx " " Oh !sx The usual things , " said Mr. Carteret-Pendragon easily .sx He went on , checking off the points on his fingers :sx " Devotion of British Commonwealth of Free Nations to ideals of League , nation of peacelovers , all must co-operate , wonderful work of League , praise of the Secretariat , economy in League expenditure , a word about Woodrow Wilson , and a tribute to the French .sx " He picked up a document , and began to study it as if the interview had been brought to a conclusion that was satisfactory to everyone .sx " But why a tribute to the French ?sx " asked Donald in surprise .sx " It's the usual way to finish off a speech here .sx It does no harm and the French like it .sx " " But what about the Synthetic Beer ?sx " " What about it ?sx " said Mr. Carteret-Pendragon in a rather tired voice .sx " I mean , what is our policy ?sx " At the word " policy " the other two diplomatists started as if they had suddenly been confronted with a rattlesnake , and all three stared at Donald .sx " Policy ?sx " repeated Mr. Carteret-Pendragon in bewilderment , and Mr. Carshalton-Stanbury and Mr. Woldingham-Uffington echoed the word and gazed vaguely round the room , like people who have lost something which might turn up unexpectedly at any moment a dog , for example , or a small child .sx " Policy ?sx " repeated Mr. Carteret-Pendragon in a firmer voice .sx He had quicker wits than the other two , and had grasped what this queer youth in the lounge-suit and no buttonhole was talking about .sx " My dear sir , " he went on indulgently , " we don't have policies about things .sx We leave all that to the dagoes .sx It keeps them out of mischief .sx " " But don't we don't you doesn't Great Britain take an independent line about anything ?sx " " Whatever for ?sx " enquired Mr. Carteret-Pendragon , and the other two murmured the words " independent line , " like men in a maze .sx " We are here to preserve balances , " went on the diplomat .sx " Our task is to maintain equilibriums equilibria , I ought to say , " he corrected himself with a small cough .sx " After all , there are the proportions , when all is said and done .sx One must have a sense of equipoise .sx " " Naturally , " murmured the other two , hitching up their beautiful trousers about a centimetre and a half in complete unison .sx " But how does anything get settled ?sx " enquired Donald , feeling remarkably foolish in the presence of these sophisticated men of the great world .sx " Oh , they get settled all right if not now , at some other time , and if not at Geneva , then in London .sx It's all a matter of tact .sx When in doubt agree with the Frenchman .sx Or if you prefer it , disagree with the Italian .sx It's all one .sx " " And what about brothels ?sx What do we say about them ?sx " " At the last six Assemblies we've simply said that we don't know what they are .sx All you have to do is to say it again .sx "