THE WELL .sx WE'VE a friend , a Mrs. Grainger , who runs a nursing home in Manchester Street .sx She's a very good friend , and it's a very good nursing home , and we always go there when we have appendicitis and things like that .sx Well , one night , about four months ago , this good lady rang me up on the telephone to ask my advice .sx She said she was a bit worried about a patient who'd been sent in that afternoon .sx He was an utter foreigner , and couldn't speak a word of English .sx Not only that , he couldn't understand any language that any of them knew !sx They'd tried him with French , German , Italian , and , I think , Spanish , without result .sx They couldn't even find out what his name was .sx I said :sx " What about the doctor who sent him in ?sx Can't he help you ?sx " And she said , no , he couldn't .sx He was just as much in the dark as everyone else , and it was a bit awkward .sx The chief worry was that this wretched man had no luggage with him except a small attache case , and in this attache case there were two thousand one-pound notes , and nothing else .sx I said :sx " What's your trouble ?sx Won't that be enough ?sx " I mean , he sounded an ideal patient .sx But she said :sx " Don't be silly , they are going to operate in an hour's time , and if anything goes wrong , I don't want to be responsible for such a large amount of money .sx " You quite see her point if the man died , his people might easily come along and try to make out that he'd had three thousand with him , instead of two thousand , and it would be the very devil .sx What did I think she'd better do ?sx Well , I didn't quite know what to suggest .sx It was ten o'clock , and too late to ring up the Foreign Office , and she didn't want to bother the police ; so it was finally arranged that I should fetch the money and shove it in my safe for the night .sx Then , if things went wrong , I could take it to the Foreign Office in the morning , and hand it over to some appropriate person .sx At all events , I jumped into a taxi and went straight along to the home .sx When I got there they told me that they were going to operate in a few minutes , and that I'd better see the patient while the surgeons were sharpening their well , getting ready ; so they took me up at once .sx I found a most personable young man of about twenty-five , obviously in considerable pain .sx They said he'd already had two really serious attacks , and they didn't want to risk another .sx However , in spite of the rotten time he was having , he seemed to realise what was going on , and that he was among friends , and so forth .sx I tried him first of all with Danish , of which I know precious little , and then with Russian , in which I can hardly swear , but it wasn't any good .sx He said quite a .sx lot to me in his own language , which I couldn't make head or tail of , so we had to give it up ; but there was still clearly something on his mind .sx THEN he had an idea .sx He pointed to the attache case , which was on the little table by his bed , and made me open it .sx It was half-full of money , but that wasn't what he wanted .sx He directed me to a sort of pocket in the lid , and right down at the bottom of this pocket I discovered a document in English .sx It wasn't a secret document by any means .sx It was the particulars of sale of a row of villas which were up for auction at Enfield .sx I opened it out and discovered that these villas had just been completed .sx There were twenty-four in the row , and they were being sold in separate lots .sx The auctioneers were called Boodle & Company , and the date of the sale was next day , at this place near Enfield .sx I nodded to him , and said , " Bon , " to show I'd grasped all this , and then he pointed to Lot Eleven , which was marked with a cross in pencil .sx I nodded again to show I'd appreciated that Lot Eleven was marked with a cross in pencil , whereupon he got frightfully animated and again pointed to Lot Eleven ; then to himself and then to the money .sx All right .sx Splendid !sx This meant he wanted to buy Lot Eleven with the money .sx But as the sale was next day , and he'd be stuck in bed for weeks , he clearly wouldn't be able to manage it .sx Not so splendid .sx It either meant my leaving him in the lurch or going to a lot of trouble , which I simply hate but I was weak .sx When all's said and done , Enfield isn't very far from London , and also , I'd never met anyone called Boodle , and it seemed such a chance ; so in .sx dumb show I offered to take the job on , and he understood .sx He nodded , and pushed the attache case towards me .sx Frightfully trusting of him .sx I'd have given him a receipt , only just then they came and wheeled him off to the operating theatre - and that was that .sx I WENT downstairs , and Mrs. Grainger gave me a somewhat racy account of how our young friend came to be in the home at all .sx It appeared that at roughly half-past six in the afternoon he'd been , for some reason or other , walking up Harley Street , and when he'd got about halfway he'd been suddenly seized with a stomach ache .sx This particular sample of S.A. had been so severe that he'd dropped his bag and hung on to the nearest railings for support .sx He was instantly spotted from countless consulting-room windows , and before you could say " knife " Harley Street was black with flying figures .sx At least , it was according to Mrs. Grainger , but , of course , she was only being ridiculous , because I'm positive that the mere sight of a patient couldn't possibly have caused such a frantic waiving of medical etiquette , even in these days of acute starvation .sx At any rate , it is true that several doctors got to him very quickly , and they helped him into the house he was clinging to the railings of .sx This house happened to belong to a most eminent surgeon , who specialised in tummy aches , so he really had chosen the best place to be taken ill if not the cheapest .sx Once they'd got him on the couch , so to speak , it didn't take long to .sx diagnose the trouble .sx An extremely important tube in his interior had suddenly developed a kink , and if it wasn't straightened out reasonably soon he'd die .sx They had thoughts of sending him to the nearest hospital to be repaired , but they changed their minds .sx I don't know why .sx Perhaps his bag came open and they bunged him round the corner into Mrs. Grainger's instead .sx Anyway , that's how he got there .sx I decided not to wait for the result of the operation .sx There was no saying what they were going to find besides the kink , and it might take some time .sx So I cleared off home .sx But they rang me up later on to say that all had gone according to plan , so next morning there was nothing for it but to address my mind to the question of house property .sx THE first thing I did was to call on Messrs .sx Boodle & Company .sx I thought it would be just as well to make one or two inquiries about this desirable residence which I proposed to purchase .sx It doesn't always do to be entirely guided by the description in the catalogue even when you are buying for someone else .sx So , as I say , I traipsed all the way to Gower Street , where Boodle & Company hung out .sx I found that they weren't a very large firm , judging by their offices , but astoundingly versatile , if one believed their doorplate .sx Not only were they auctioneers , but they were estate agents , architects , surveyors , and valuers as well , and I gathered that they'd even stoop to collecting a rent or two , if they were given half a chance .sx I PLUCKED up courage in the face of all this clotted talent and went in and encountered the office-boy .sx He informed me that Mr. Soodle and his " clurk " had already started for the place where the sale was going to be , but would I care to see their Mr. Pendlebury re the matter ?sx I said I should love to , and was shown into a small waiting-room .sx Their Mr. Pendlebury was about eighteen , and evidently an articled pupil , feeling frightfully bucked at being left in charge of the office .sx He was so anxious to impress me with how much he knew , that he told me all he knew , and probably a good deal more than he ought to have done .sx It boiled down to this :sx These houses they were selling were built on a strip of land which had formed part of a large estate .sx The owner of the estate had died about two years before , and in order to pay off the death duties , his unfortunate heir had been obliged to sell a strip of it to a speculative builder .sx As a result , twenty-four ghastly villas had sprung up , and were already actively polluting the countryside , only their Mr. Pendlebury didn't put it like that .sx He was most enthusiastic about it all , and he showed me a photograph to interest me still further , and , strangely enough , it did interest me for the .sx simple reason that all the houses were exactly alike .sx I mean , they were so much alike that if one had to have one at all , it couldn't matter in the least which one chose , and yet this wretched blighter in the nursing home had come all the way from Goodness knows where to buy Number Eleven and no other .sx It seemed rather mysterious on the face of it .sx Of course , I didn't let on to our Mr. Pendlebury that Number Eleven appealed to me more strongly than any of the other houses , but I asked him whether he could show me a plan of the surrounding district .sx Oh , yes , he'd be only too pleased and he produced a twenty-five-inch ordnance sheet .sx This gave the rest of the estate , with the old baronial hall in the middle , and in the top right-hand corner the row of new villas had been neatly shown in red .sx I IDENTIFIED Number Eleven , and after a very careful scrutiny , I did find one slight difference between it and its neighbours , and that was in the back garden .sx There was a microscopic clot with the word " Well " against it ; but as it hadn't been reproduced-on the sale plan , I concluded that the well had been filled up .sx Anyhow , I left off trying to account for the extra desirability of Number Eleven , and took a fond farewell of their Mr. Pendlebury .sx In passing , he might almost have been described as " My " Mr. Pendlebury , because he'd as good as told me the reserve price .sx Enough to make Mr. Soodle turn in his rostrum !sx Be that as it may , I duly fetched up .sx at this precious village near Enfield , and repaired to the " Rose and Crown .sx " There weren't many people at the sale , but most of the lots managed to sell .sx I got Number Eleven all right .sx It was rather funny , there were two other men bidding for it , but neither of 'em would go above 850 .sx Thanks to Mr. Pendlebury , I knew that 850 was the reserve , so I upped and said 851 .sx The hammer fell , and the thing was done .sx ( I'm sorry the poetry was quite unintentional .sx ) The er " clurk " came round and took a deposit off me , and I could have come away then , but auctions are always liable to be amusing , so I stayed till the end .sx When it was over , Mr. Boodle announced that he'd be most proud if any gentleman in the room would honour him with their company at tea in the coffee-room .sx