She was just at present , of course , like every other girl who is young and in love for the first time .sx There was nothing in the girl who spent hours before a mirror or in a dressmaker's rooms or having her hair marcelled to remind him of the girl who , of all things in life , liked best to curl up on his ancient hearth-rug and listen while he talked to her .sx But John knew her too well to suppose it would last .sx Jill hadn't written a word since the day she had first met Selby Walmer , but John knew well enough that to the girl who'd written Separate Ways the urge to write again would come back when the novelty of Selby's wooing had worn off .sx And that it would come back , moreover , with a strength that wouldn't be thwarted and couldn't be denied .sx But when Jill , radiant , came into the study he turned his back on a cloud , the presence of which only he himself was conscious , and kissed her .sx " Good for you , " he said .sx " I suppose you're pleased .sx And rather superior about it , into the bargain , what Is Selby here ?sx Jill shook her head .sx Her hair had a slightly tousled look , unlike its recent smooth sleekness .sx Rather as though it might have been tangled once or twice in the buttons of a man's coat .sx " He's coming to see you in the morning , " she said .sx " I told him it wasn't necessary .sx I mean that old-world permission stuff's just plain idiocy , but you know what he is .sx So he's coming .sx And I'm terribly happy , Father .sx " For a moment John Belhame said nothing .sx Then he picked up a parcel of drugs that had come in by the evening mail and cut the string .sx His fingers , he noticed , were shaking a little , and yet Life was such a , puzzle , happiness so elusive .sx And Jill was so young .sx " That's all I want , " he said at last .sx " If you're happy , .sx nothing 'else matters .sx And as long as you're sure that marriage means more to you than success " .sx " Isn't it , " Jill said slowly , " possible to have both , Father ?sx I'm not going to give up writing , you know .sx " John Belhame opened his mouth to speak and shut it again .sx He wanted to say , " You're doing exactly what I did , so be careful , " but it suddenly dawned on him , with a flash of self-revelation , that he hadn't been unhappy .sx He'd given up fame and the honour and glory that might have been his , but , on the other hand , there'd been other things to take their places .sx There'd been , for instance , Jill herself and the love of the thousands he'd helped .sx There'd been the affection of countless children and the gratitude of men and women .sx There'd been the knowledge of work well done , for the love of the work and not for the honour it would bring .sx There'd been a thousand things , so that he hadn't been unhappy .sx It was , on the contrary , astonishing to look back and remember how happy he'd been after the wound had at last ceased to smart , and if Anne as a wife hadn't been worth the sacrifice , there were the hundreds of other things that had been worth it , and above all there was Jill .sx So he kissed her again and said nothing , except to tell her how glad he was she was happy , and , in the end , it was Merry weather who first referred to her future as a writer in connection with her marriage .sx It was on an afternoon in May , three weeks before the date set for her wedding , and he went down with her to see the house she and Selby had taken pending the building of their own later on .sx " Quite nice , " he said .sx " In fact , altogether charming .sx " Then he grinned at her .sx " Drawing-room , dining-room , three bedrooms , nice sunny nursery with bars complete , and an eight-foot cubby-hole with no light worth speaking of and a view of the ash-can as a study .sx Is that symbolical ?sx Of what ?sx " Jill said sharply .sx " If you think , as every-one else seems to think , that getting married means I'm going to give up my work , you're wrong .sx You're utterly wrong .sx I adore my work , Stephen .sx " He turned till he stood facing her , and when he spoke again his voice held none of its banter .sx " I'm sorry you're going to be married , Jill , " he said gravely .sx " I'm probably the only member of your acquaintance who is , but it's the truth all the same .sx " Jill stared at him .sx " Sorry ?sx " she said , and he nodded .sx Yes ; I suppose I'm the only one who's said that .sx But it's true none the less .sx I am sorry .sx I'd got plans for your future .sx You've brains .sx " It was as if he'd known almost word for word what old Sir Timothy Anson had said to John Belhame twenty years earlier .sx " I hoped you were going to use them .sx " " Does marriage , of necessity , kill a woman's brains ?sx Jill said , and Merryweather smiled at her .sx " Not of necessity , " he said ; " but just the same it does kill minds like yours , in nine cases out of every ten .sx Some women need marriage .sx It completes them .sx Without it they're like a garment where the hem has been left unfinished .sx But I don't think you're that sort .sx A woman who can write Separate Ways is complete in herself .sx You don't need marriage to sew up your hems , as it were , Jill .sx " Into Jill's mind flashed the article in the Monthly Argus .sx " Don't you think that one is better-that everyone is the better-for having experiences , Stephen ?sx " she said slowly , and when Merryweather threw back his head and howled with laughter , she looked hurt .sx " I mean , it's so much better .sx It's easier to write faithfully of things one's sampled oneself than to sample them by proxy , so to speak .sx And , after all , marriage is a very great experience , Stephen .sx " " If , " Stephen Merryweather said bluntly , " you're looking for experiences , for which , to my mind , a more accurate word would be experiments , why not go away for a month with Walmer ?sx Then if you find the experience only succeeds in cramping your style and not broadening your outlook in the very least , you can walk out and still continue to write decent literature .sx After all , the very essence of an experiment lies in its temporary nature .sx Once it becomes permanency it ceases to be an experiment .sx And after all , you know , Jill , experiences , as you mean them-the sort of thing of which the average woman writes and tenth-rate novelettes deal in are only experiments , You're marrying Walmer " .sx " Because , " Jill interrupted , " I love him .sx " Merryweather smiled .sx An excellent reason , " he said bluntly .sx " The question is , do you love him ?sx Will you love him-more than fame - when you've seen him unshaven and wearing pyjamas not especially chosen for a honeymoon ?sx Or will you suddenly find yourself cursing his baby's teeth because they made it cry , poor little devil , when you're trying to write another best-seller ?sx Or wishing he himself were dead when you're working out a difficult situation and he's feeling-affectionate ?sx That's plain speaking , Jill " .sx " So plain , " Jill said , " that even I can see through it .sx We've been over all this , Stephen , and , after all , marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition .sx " " Not is .sx " Stephen slid in quietly .sx " Should be , I grant you , but there's the difference , my dear .sx " Jill frowned .sx " I hate you when you're flippant , Stephen .sx Selby and I aren't utter fools , you know .sx And he's every bit as keen as I am on my going ahead with my writing .sx After all , it was my mind that first appealed to him .sx " " So he told me , " Merryweather said dryly .sx " As I remember it , he laid particular emphasis on the point .sx The .sx only trouble is that so many men overlook , until it's too late , the very obvious anatomical fact that where there's a mind there is also , in this world , a body .sx And to most men , if you'll forgive me for laying so much stress on the fact , Jill , a brain may be a brilliant thing , but it's not a thing that's companionable to live with year in and year out .sx When , " he said gently , " men want to live with a thing , a body is far more comfortable .sx And bodies , when they are lived with , indulge in weaknesses that very often affect brains .sx That's all I'm trying to make clear to you .sx " Just for a second Jill said nothing , then she looked at him .sx If it's children you're thinking of , " she said calmly , " we're not having any .sx Not yet , at all events .sx The new book's got to come first .sx Selby realizes that just as much as I do .sx Later-well , I hope we do have them .sx I'd like children .sx But the new book you think I'm shelving my work , don't you , Stephen ?sx Well , you're wrong-utterly wrong .sx I'm simply dying to get all the fuss of the wedding over so that I can get back to it , and Selby's just as keen .sx Why should I want to give up my writing , Stephen ?sx " .sx Stephen Merryweather shrugged his shoulders .sx " I don't know , " he said .sx " And that's the honest truth .sx But I think that either you should want to give it up or that , at any rate , you shouldn't have it all mixed up with orange blossoms , as I gather it is .sx Or else you shouldn't want to get married .sx I don't know why I think that , but I do , and I'm sorry .sx If you prove me wrong , I'll be very glad , and I'll add five hundred pounds to the cash-down cheque on the new book to prove my genuineness .sx That's a fair bargain , Jill .sx You'll have to admit that .sx " Jill laughed , then threw up her head .sx " So fair , " she said , " that I'll be glad if you'll put it in writing , Stephen .sx Because , in about four months from now , I'm going to take you up on that .sx " JILL and Selby were married at the end of June on a day when sunshine played hide-and-seek with showers and , as a sop to Anne , amid the conventional trappings of white satin and orange blossoms , bridesmaids , pages , and decorous tears , without which Anne would never have considered her daughter legally married .sx And , although Jill would have preferred infinitely to have gone straight to their home , where she could have started work on the new book which was already making her a little restless and jumpy , they went , because Selby at heart was every whit as conventional as Anne herself , on the usual month's honeymoon , which took them to Paris , to Rome , and for a fragmentary glimpse of Naples before settling down to .sx the daily round of placid matrimony .sx To Jill , who had never been out of England , that trip was the most marvellous thing she'd ever done .sx For one thing , Selby did everything very well .sx They travelled with every comfort if not with luxury , and he grudged her nothing .sx From the superiority of his thirty-four years , her childish pleasure in the places to which he took her , to the shops and galleries and theatres , appealed to him enormously .sx It made him feel generous and protective , and very much of a husband , which was a novel and entirely pleasant sensation , and it removed from his mind the only shadow that had ever clouded his engagement days .sx Not for all the wealth in the world would Selby Winer have admitted the existence of that shadow to a living soul , but it wasn't possible to hide it from himself , and with his characteristic honesty he didn't even try .sx But .sx even while he steadfastly shut both his eyes to the mocking voice of the threatening little picture that wouldn't die , he knew , rather unhappily , that he was afraid of Jill's success .sx And afraid , terribly afraid , of that hard , brittle brilliance of mind which had sponsored Separate Ways .sx It came to him with rather a shock , once he'd kissed Jill , to realize that , although he didn't at all care for the idea fundamentally at all events , Merryweather was right .sx And that compared to the possession of her body with all its youth and sweetness , the possession of one of the most brilliant brains of the younger school meant less than nothing .sx