She puffed rings of smoke .sx " You are you , and I am me .sx I cannot change myself because you react too much to my personality .sx We must each take care of ourselves !sx " .sx He came and leaned upon the back of her chair , looking down at her .sx " I had grown quite calm , and had relegated my feelings into friendship , but just now , when I realised you could love someone else , a kind of vertigo seized me .sx You know I adore you .sx " " Yes , I know .sx Now let us reason , Seton .sx Your dear old face looks just as if you wanted to kiss me .sx Well , what possible pleasure could it give you , knowing that it was causing me not the slightest emotion , but only an irritation like the walk of a fly ?sx " .sx He drew back a little , pain in his eyes .sx " It is the wretched , unsatisfied longing .sx God !sx Love is a queer thing !sx " .sx She turned in the chair .sx Would she too know unsatisfied longing some day ?sx " Seton , if it would really comfort you , of course you can .sx But I shall hate it .sx " " I am not a brute , darling , " and he drew away , his refined , kindly face pale .sx She leaned back in the chair .sx " No , dear Seton , it is I who am the brute .sx But you don't know you cannot guess the queer instincts which come up in me a wildness a burning desire , for I know not what .sx It is then I am cruel .sx .. and afterwards I am sorry so sorry .sx Please forgive me .sx See , I will be gentle I will not tease you any more .sx Seton dear , sit here , on that footstool beside me , and I will stroke your hair .sx .. " He obeyed her , too grateful even for crumbs .sx And she stroked his fine , brown hair , that had no spring in it , while he put his head against her knee .sx The cat came and nestled again in her lap , and she caressed it with the other hand , while they both looked into the burning logs .sx But presently , it seemed , she saw there , in the smoke , a vision , not of Seton Derevel , but of Kohary Aladar , who was sobbing at her knee , while she pushed him from her with steel , firm hands .sx The fancy was over .sx .. But why did such foolish things come to her imagination ?sx " Oh , Aspasia , you hurt me !sx " Seton exclaimed .sx For , unknowingly , she had clutched his hair and pushed him from her knee .sx She jumped up then , and made herself quite everyday looking over the room and praising its good taste .sx She had conquered her mood , it would seem .sx Then she was sweet , asking him what Miklosvar would be like , and what the customs of it were .sx So he told her that it would be different from England , or France even .sx " They won't have so many up-to-date bathrooms , I expect .sx There won't be any etiquette , and they won't dress for dinner probably the men , I mean .sx The women will have oh , you know , those kind of summer frocks .sx " " I don't like that not dressing for dinner !sx " .sx " I don't know Miklosvar , but I expect it is the same as others .sx Some of them don't even have the servants in livery now everyone is so hard up .sx But Margit and her brother are quite rich , so it may be different there , and they may dress up to the nines .sx They will anyway , I expect , because of you !sx " .sx " What shall we do ?sx " .sx " We shall drive about and see the neighbours , and Geza , and whoever else is there , will shoot partridges , probably .sx " " Do they have big parties for the week-ends , as we do ?sx " No , they have parties for special occasions , otherwise friends and relations seem to drift in for a night or two .sx Or they have large parties of men for the shooting , and then the women often absent themselves .sx " " It seems quite different , then .sx " " Yes , but of course Countess Margit is very cosmopolitan .sx It may be quite English there .sx " " Anyway , I am sure we shall enjoy ourselves .sx Now take me back to the hotel ; I am so tired .sx I won't dine and go to the cinema with you as I said , dear friend .sx I will go to bed .sx " So he obeyed her as usual , and said a devoted good night at the Ritz door .sx But , after Aspasia had had her dinner in her sitting-room , she went on to the balcony , wrapped in her sable .sx cloak , and sat for an hour gazing over to Buda .sx Remorse was upon her .sx Why had she been like this to Seton ?sx Dear , kind Seton , who loved her .sx What were these strange instincts of cruelty which showed in her sometimes ?sx From whence did they come ?sx Had she been very wicked in a former life , and had her spirit not freed itself yet from evil ?sx She must gain mastery , or where would be her progress ?sx To-day she had yielded to her worst side , and hurt someone who had only shown her devotion .sx She hated herself .sx CHAPTER XIII .sx GEZA was waiting at the little station of Miklosvar when Seton Derevel and Aspasia arrived next day .sx The journey had been peaceful .sx Aspasia had shown no more strange moods , and Seton felt happier .sx " You have almost as many geese here as in Austria !sx " she said , when flocks flew aside from the automobile as they raced along .sx " When are they all eaten - ?sx " .sx " One wonders .sx One never sees less of them , even after Christmas !sx " .sx Geza was driving , with Aspasia beside him , and Seton in the back .sx " You know , we have twenty miles to go .sx Do you mind ?sx " .sx " I like it .sx The sunset is so beautiful !sx And what a lovely country !sx " .sx It was , indeed , with its forests and villages , and here and there a peasant in the national dress .sx They prattled on in a friendly way , and eventually arrived at big iron gates which had been left open for them ; and so on through a rough wood , and then more open spaces , with maple , and birch , and acacia , and chestnut-trees in groups .sx It looked picturesque , and not altogether unlike an English park .sx Then more gates , then a gravel road , with scythe-mown grass on each side , not fine like a lawn .sx " We cannot have beautiful turf like you have in England ; the summers are too dry ; it would burn up .sx The best we can do is what you see , unless in places where there is an unlimited water-supply .sx " Then they came up to the house .sx It reminded Aspasia of " American Colonial " architecture .sx A long , grey mansion , with portico and columns going up through its two stories , giving it an air of dignity , while the family arms , in late eighteenth-century fashion , decorated the pediment .sx And there , on the steps , was Margit , waiting to welcome them , while several menservants in quaint liveries stood behind her ; the coat of one of them was like a hussar's .sx " Welcome to Miklosvar , Aspasia dear .sx " And they were taken through a hall , hung with antlers of stags , and groups of smaller horns , and so up a broad staircase to a landing above , from whence the suites of rooms opened .sx First they entered a reception salon furnished stiffly with Empire furniture , its tall windows all looking out south .sx Then through a library and drawing-rooms to Margit's own sitting-room a most cosy , charming place , in spite of what in England would be called mid-Victorian furniture .sx It was all so quaint ; on the walls hung the best original collection of English coloured prints of " The Cries of London " that Aspasia had ever seen , and all round , in miniatures and precious bibelots , were evidences of an old , old family , and refined taste .sx After greetings and talk , Margit drew Aspasia to the 1870 fireplace , which swore gaily with the eighteenth-century walls !sx " Mercifully for us , my grandfather put open fireplaces into some of the rooms .sx He had been much in England , so we have the gaiety of flames .sx There are , generally , only porcelain stoves in the country houses here .sx " " I love it .sx I love the air of ' always ' no new fads , but just your own personality , dear Margit , on top of everything don't you , Seton ?sx " .sx " Yes .sx In England , now , when we can afford it , we throw away all the things of the past which are no longer intrinsically valuable all the later nineteenth century's efforts go to the auction-rooms , or the servants' bedrooms .sx And we have the last thing in emptiness and new art .sx " " But you are quite right .sx It was that spirit , only more drawn-out , which made progress .sx We do not do it here , simply because we can afford so little now , and it seems to us that there are things so much more important than furniture to spend our few pengo on .sx " " No , it is you who are right , Margit .sx Who would choose furniture instead of travel , or books , or seeing friends ?sx These adorable rooms tell the whole story of your lovely mind .sx Do you remember at Lausanne , how you used to lecture us on not giving way to fancies ?sx " .sx " Darling Aspasia !sx She was such a little duck , Mr. Derevel !sx We big girls adopted her .sx She was not afraid of anything , and so small for her age !sx " .sx " I do not think she is afraid of much now !sx But she has grown , hasn't she ?sx " Seton laughed appreciatively .sx " Now , I must tell you who is here .sx " Margit held up a brown hand , on which sparkled a magnificent diamond , heavily set , of other days' workmanship .sx " There is an aunt aged seventy , but younger and more intelligent than any of us .sx There is an uncle from the other side of the family who , we believe , has been her amant , dans-le-temps , and who still adores her , .sx though he is deaf of one ear , and she of the other , so we have always to manoeuvre to put them on their right sides .sx Good you have grasped them ?sx Then we have two nephews schoolboys ; they may put their feet together , and bow , and kiss Aspasia's hand - they won't speak otherwise .sx Then there is Miss Dunning English ; she was my elder sister's governess , long before my day .sx She does all the tiresome things in the house .sx But , beyond that , there are three of Geza's friends young gallants who have now got to work !sx And we have a cousin of mine , and her two girls , and Count and Countess Dobozy a charming pair .sx They will all come in presently to our English tea .sx Now they are about everywhere some shooting , some riding we have many horses still and I suspect the elderly lovers are asleep !sx No one could be so bright when they are awake if they did not take constant naps !sx " .sx Aspasia and Seton seemed to know this collection already , and appreciate them .sx And after the train of quaintly liveried menservants had brought a regular English tea into the library , one by one the party dropped in .sx Meanwhile , Aspasia had been taken to her fresh , old-fashioned bedroom , down in one of the wings , where Elspeth , who had come by an earlier train , awaited her .sx " It's just like bonnie Scotland when I first took place , m'am .sx Everything you can want , and no modern nonsense .sx " " That means , of course , Elspeth , that there are huge cupboards for my dresses , and capacious chests of drawers not too many mirrors to encourage vanity and tall wax candles on the dressing-table !sx " .sx " And what more can anyone want ?sx A bathroom , too , and everything !sx " .sx Aspasia inspected this - as dainty as could be , with grey paint , and bright cretonne curtains , and a tall stove , fed with acacia blocks , to heat the water .sx But on the muslin-frilled wash-hand stand there was the latest Chanel toilet water and the finest bath salts .sx Candles were everywhere , in old silver or china candlesticks , because the War came just when electricity was going to be installed .sx " I simply adore it all !sx " Aspasia exclaimed rapturously .sx " Nothing pretentious or shoddy or sham could breathe in it !sx Elspeth , this is our resting-place !sx " .sx " I'm glad you say it , m'am .sx I am growing rare sick of the trash that we have to call gentry now in England .sx " They were all at tea when Aspasia found her way back , and merry voices guided her to the library .sx