This is when the Struggle really began .sx Up till now it had been mere child's play , but Harley Street is one of the Grimmest Arenas in the world , and the Joshuas knew it .sx Gone was the little Nursing Home in Balham , where Mrs. Joshua had so enjoyed looking after the tonsil cases , and where they had told her such Interesting Things About Themselves .sx She was now the Wife of a Harley Street Specialist ( how beautiful those words sound to you , all you little wives leaning against the area railings ) , and as such had a Position to Keep Up .sx The clothes which had looked both refined and smart in Balham , didn't seem quite right in Harley Street :sx And as everybody knows , it is the Thoroughly Ladylike Clothes which run away with the money .sx Then she was distressed by the malevolent .sx looks from the neighbouring houses of the other Doctors' Wives , who had hoped that the empty house would be turned into a Nursing Home .sx In fact , the children of the Ear , Nose and Throat man opposite , wrote something rude on the Tonsils' white door-step , but of course they had the sense to ignore that .sx And another worrying thing was that Joshua had hardly any patients .sx Except for a few faithful souls who journeyed up from Balham , and didn't mind having to pay three guineas instead of ten and six , he was practically Without Anything to Do .sx And nobody knows , except those who have tried it , how difficult it is to appear busy when you are not .sx During what were supposed to be his consulting hours Joshua helped his wife in the house .sx But there were all those hours to be filled in somehow from the time he drove from his front door in the Chrysler , trying to look as though the Ears , Noses , and Throats of the Rich were in his care , to .sx the time he drove back again and crept up his steps with shoulders drooping with what he hoped looked like fatigue .sx Those were terrible hours for Joshua .sx Sometimes he went to the Cinema , but he couldn't really afford the price of a seat ; he often went to the picture galleries and museums , and finally , in despair , he went to the Hospitals and looked at Ear , Nose and Throat operations and learnt quite a lot .sx Mrs. Joshua , in the meantime , was entirely undismayed .sx She was that sort of woman .sx The first thing she did was to engage a chef and a butler .sx Joshua gasped , but he had absolute faith in her , and said nothing .sx All the housework she did herself , and of course the washing up , because no chef is going to demean himself by doing that sort of thing .sx She used to put on a grey wig and some spectacles when she did the front-door steps in the morning , for the Eyes of the Neighbours in Harley Street are ever vigilant .sx She asked everybody she knew to come .sx and visit her , so that quite a little stream of people were seen being let in at the front door by the stately butler .sx She made her friends , and she was the sort of woman for whom friends would do Anything , call continually at the house during consulting hours , sometimes with bandages round their Ears , Noses or Throats .sx " That man is getting on , " said the Eyes Opposite , bitterly .sx Then she began giving dinner parties ; first of all the Balham friends , but of course she wanted to get Better People than that , so she made Joshua , who was , as they say , well connected on his mother's side , take up with some of his grand relations and they were asked to dinner .sx And what dinners they were !sx How noiseless the tread of the Stately Butler , assisted by the Superior Parlour maid ( hired for the evening) .sx What food !sx cooked by the expensive Chef .sx Joshua's grand relations came to scoff , and if they didn't remain to pray they certainly ate .sx Mrs. Joshuawas a charming hostess , and Joshua certainly had a Way With Him , and let me say here , that unless a Doctor has a Way With Him , he is doomed to failure , however hard his wife may work for his success .sx Everybody enjoyed the Tonsil dinner parties enormously , but it used to take Joshua and Mrs. Joshua two hours at least to finish the washing up afterward .sx By this time of course they were heavily in debt , but the Seeds of Success had been sown , and gradually , oh , so gradually , the bread that they had thrown upon the waters began to return in small crumbs .sx One of Joshua's grandest Aunts allowed him to take out her Tonsils , and though , of course , she didn't pay , the operation was such a success , and she felt so much better without her tonsils , which had been septic for years only she hadn't felt like Spending the Money on them , that she persuaded quite a number of her friends , nearly all of whom did pay , to have theirs out too .sx Then Joshua had a most wonderful .sx piece of Luck .sx While dining with his very Grandest Relation , and it was the biggest dinner party they had either of them been to in their lives , a Bishop Choked on a salted almond .sx He choked , and choked , tearing at his collar , till at last he fell from his chair black in the face .sx In a moment Joshua was kneeling by his side , and , whipping a sharp pen-knife from his pocket , he performed that conjuring trick of surgery , tracheotomy , and fairly neatly too , upon the now insensible Bishop .sx But it was Mrs. Joshua who spread her table napkin beneath the patient's head so that the carpet did not get spoilt , and held the wound open with the nut-crackers , while the Bishop slowly turned from black to his usual colour once more .sx Of course , this created a great Stir , and Joshua was Spoken of a great deal , and patients began to arrive on the door-step in good earnest .sx And after that , of course , it was Balham .sx over again .sx First the Tonsils , then the Little Bone in the Nose , and finally a few Odds and Ends in connection with the Ears .sx Only now Joshua got fifty guineas for each Little Thing he did , where before he had only got five .sx And it wasn't long before he was getting a Hundred .sx And finally , one day , Joshua was called in to inspect a Royal Nose , whose Lady-in-Waiting was a friend of a friend of Joshua's Grandest Aunt .sx When this happened , Mrs. Joshua gave a sigh of perfect happiness , engaged a staff of quite competent servants , and went to bed for a week .sx And that is how Sir Joshua and Lady Tonsil rose from complete obscurity to the position they now Occupy .sx And I think you will agree with me that Joshua never could have done it without his Wife , and her truly magnificent False Nosery , even though , by this time , what with all the practice he had had in Balham , and the lectures and operations he had attended in .sx his early Harley Street days when he didn't know what to do with himself , he really did know something about Ears , Noses , and Throats .sx EMILY BRAGGE .sx WHO REFUSED TO WEAR THE .sx FALSE NOSE .sx AS far as I know , there has been only one case of a Doctor's Wife absolutely refusing to wear a False Nose .sx Her infamous behaviour is still spoken of with bated breath by other Doctors' Wives at dinner parties , while the Doctors are lingering over their port and discussing the chances of another influenza epidemic .sx It is satisfactory to be able to record that she got the Fate she Deserved .sx This girl's name was Emily Bragge , and she was quite unsuited to be a Doctor's Wife because she was an Artist .sx The other Doctors and their Wives shook their heads when they heard of her engagement to young Doctor Hilary Clavical , but nobody was really surprised because there was some .sx bad Artistic Blood in his family on the mother's side .sx Everybody hoped that once they were married the False Nose would change her , as it has changed so many , but they would have been horrified if they knew that she had become engaged to young Dr. Clavical without even promising to wear the False Nose .sx And he was so madly in love with her that he never insisted on it , for he believed that at the wedding she would never have the courage to hold out .sx Many girls , engaged to Doctors , have gone to their weddings determined not to make the False Nose Promise , but when they actually came to the Fateful moment they always gave in , and that was what Doctor Hilary Clavical hoped would happen at his wedding , but he didn't know Emily .sx She said , " Love , honour , " quite cheerfully ; " obey , " rather doubtfully ; and then there was a long pause which grew longer and longer , and then the Bride was heard to say quite distinctly , " Why are you Pinching me , Hilary ?sx " and the Senior Partner's Wife fainted right off and was carried out .sx This , of course , cast a terrible gloom over the reception , which would have been rather difficult in any case , because the Bride's friends did not mix with the Bridegroom's friends as one would like guests to mix at a wedding .sx Emily's friends did their best to keep things cheerful , but even they at last became oppressed with the general Gloom .sx When the Bride and Bridegroom left for their honeymoon everybody was so relieved that they suddenly became quite cheerful .sx Emily's friends gave them a great send-off , and even the Doctors and their Wives gathered in a dignified group on the steps to wave them good-bye .sx " We were all young once , " said Sir Joshua Tonsil , the famous Ear , Nose , and Throat specialist , tolerantly , and he patted Lady Tonsil , who turned a dull red , on the shoulder .sx " I will do my best to help her , " said the Senior Partner's Wife simply .sx " She will improve as soon as she begins to wear " All the Doctors' Wives exchanged Meaning Looks .sx But I am sorry to say Emily did not consent to wear the False Nose , neither did she improve .sx The first thing which made the Senior Partner's Wife suspect that everything was not as it should be , was about a week after the young people had returned from their honeymoon , when , coming back from her morning shopping , she noticed that the Brass Plate had not been cleaned .sx Now , to allow the Brass Plate on the gate to be Dirty , is one of the most terrible things a Doctor's Wife can do .sx I have known Doctors' Wives , when they and their whole household have been laid up with influenza , creep from their sick beds in the early morning and totter out to the gate with the Brasso , and you will often see a Doctor's .sx little Bride , running out with a duster between showers .sx But there was Emily's brass plate , or rather Emily's husband's brass plate , dull , dirty , and spotted with rain .sx The Senior Partner's Wife gazed at it in horror for a minute , and then walked firmly to the front door and rang the bell .sx It was answered by Emily herself , wearing a painting overall and holding a large palette in her hand .sx " Do you realize , " said the Senior Partner's Wife solemnly , " that your Brass Plate is Dirty ?sx " .sx " I am not surprised to hear it , " said Emily cheerfully , " because we have no servants , they left yesterday .sx " The Senior Partner's Wife was determined not to lose her temper , so she said quite gently :sx " I don't think you understand , my dear child , that it is a very Serious Matter if a Doctor's Brass Plate looks Neglected .sx His patients , when they see it , begin to think that they might be allowed to remain in .sx the same condition , and thus Lose Confidence .sx They might even Seek Medical Attention Elsewhere !sx " The Senior Partner's Wife closed her eyes and shuddered .sx Emily said , " I am very sorry if it is as serious as you say , but you see I can't do everything .sx I've got the cooking , and then , you see , there is my own work .sx " " Your duty is to Wear your False Nose , and keep your husband's Brass Plate Clean , " said the Senior Partner's Wife with asperity as she turned to leave .sx