Being self-effacing , impatient of the obvious , and , I have always been told , of a repelling countenance and a manner in which not only those who seek it find disapproval or even contempt , I am not apt at making acquaintances .sx I can use the ordinary conversational opening with anyone , but I cannot use it twice .sx A reputation for unneighbourliness can thus be easily gained , and I have no doubt that I gained it .sx But time , if there is enough of it , can correct most false impressions , and gradually the village came to realize that , though eccentric and possibly even brusque , I was not hostile .sx Mr. Cubbage assisted in destroying the antisocial fable , using , I imagine , some such phrase as a music-hall singer in the good old nights made popular :sx ` He's all right when you know him , but you've got to know him fust .sx ' I have an uneasy suspicion that Mr. Cubbage added that I had a nart of gold .sx There was also Mrs. Candover to give me a good character :sx although giving good characters was not part of her daily task , for she cared nothing whatever about such things .sx All that she asked from people was that they should be amusing when she wanted them , and never make their existence known when she didn't .sx They might have publicly committed all the deadly sins and all the lively ones , so far as she cared provided that when in her company they made her laugh , or were so well worth watching that she would be able to laugh at them afterwards .sx The inference is , considering that I was always welcome to her house , that I was amusing , too ; but this .sx is not the case :sx I was the inevitable exception .sx My appeal to her was deeper :sx in so far as she was willing to be fond of anybody , she was fond of me , and also I stimulated her brain .sx With me she was at her frankest , her most uncompromising , her naughtiest , her best .sx We all like the people who make us feel a hundred per cent .sx An exchange of greetings across the street , and brief conversations in the shops and over farm gates , did something to dispel the fear that the gentleman at the Davenant Arms was a superior and intolerant visitor from another planet ; but what did my reputation most good was my appearances , from time to time , when Jenny was in London or otherwise engaged , in the bar parlour .sx Every evening the same company assembled , with perhaps one or two strangers , and we usually found ourselves discussing the same topics , no matter with what novelty we began , the special edition giving us , naturally , our first text .sx Politics we were shy of .sx Every man had some of his own , or was content to wear a label provided wholesale ; but it had been found that the principle of 'harmony , gents,' suffered when they were laid bare , and Mr. Cubbage was quick to remind them of this effect .sx We therefore kept to safer subjects , such as the weather , the crops , the merits of rival tobaccos , murder trials , and the composition of Test teams .sx My own effort always was to extract personal reminiscences of rural characters of the past , the Jack Myttons , the Osbaldestons and the Alfred Mynns of the neighbourhood , but the results were poor .sx Either outstanding personalities are steadily on the decline , or they have lost lustre in the public eye .sx Word having gone round that the gentleman at the Davenant Arms knew some lovely names fair corkers it followed that among my side industries was the naming of children , and I was much consulted by such prospective parents as were not guided by monetary expectations or pledged by old promises to their Uncle Henrys and Aunt Marias .sx But I had my failures .sx One habitue of .sx the bar , a gardener , desired to bestow upon the son and heir about to be born to him such a style as might control his destiny .sx 'Something slap up,' he said , ` and three initials , like a gentleman .sx Some day the boy might strike it lucky and be able to play for his county as an amateur , and then how common he'd look with only a J or an H !sx ' ` But suppose it's a girl ?sx ' I said .sx ` It won't be,' he replied .sx ` You can't be sure,' I said .sx ` Sure enough,' he replied .sx ` I feel it in my bowns .sx The missus , too .sx ' So I named him Adam Zadkiel ; the suggestion being that he should comprehend all from A to Z. .sx The parents were delighted , and even more so when I told them that Zadkiel was a prophet who ran a rival publication to Old Moore's .sx ` Useful in football coupons and long shots at the big events,' the gardener said .sx But alas for Adam Zadkiel !sx Although a boy right enough , he was stillborn .sx And then there was Head , our fast bowler , the terror of the neighbouring villages .sx After he had been married a few months he came to me with the usual request :sx would I provide his forthcoming son , another fast bowler , with a suitable name ?sx His surname was bound to be Head ; could I find something rather magnificent to go with it ?sx I could , of course , have said Beachy or Flamborough , but that would have been frivolous and might have hurt the honest fellow's feelings .sx We hit at last on Grandison Grandison Head ; really splendid , I thought .sx People laughed and said that it was absurd for a villager's son to have such a handicap , but we didn't pay any attention to them , the father and I. Why not let a boy have a name to live up to ?sx Head came to me not long afterwards , looking a little bit disturbed .sx ` The missus is having an awful time,' he said .sx ` It's more like a Rugby footballer than a fast bowler .sx ' A few more weeks passed and he arrived again , a figure of dejection .sx 'No luck,' he said .sx `Not a fast bowler or Rugby footballer ; not even a slow bowler ; and .sx no Grandison at all !sx What do you think's happened ?sx Just a pair of lawn-tennis players .sx ' It was too true :sx his wife had produced twin girls .sx It indicates how little was Mrs. Candover given to gossip that she never mentioned my windfall to her maid , who was the only intermediary through whom the news could reach the village .sx Thus it happened that I had been established at the Davenant Arms for several months before a sharp bagman with a good memory , discovering my name , put two and two together , and communicated his conclusions to the landlord .sx ` Excuse me,' said Elijah a day or so later , ` but if it's not a rude question , was it you who won last year's Calcutta Sweep ?sx ' .sx I admitted it .sx ` Well,' said Miss Merk , who was standing by , ` isn't he the dark one ?sx ' .sx The news being now public , I was prepared for the increased deference shown me in the village and the bar parlour .sx But it was not what it would have been nearer the day .sx Already the achievement was an affair of the past ; already each man there was thinking of the next draw and himself as the winner .sx Still , it was no small thing , and a proud moment , as Mr. Cornford , the saddler , said , advancing upon me , to meet a winner and be able to shake him actually by the hand .sx ` I've been interested in the winners of this Sweep for years,' said Mr. Cornford ; ` and this gent is the only one I've ever got on the track of .sx The others have either been members of syndicates or mysterious clerks with strange addresses .sx But here's a winner who never parted with any of his chances and can be looked at and spoken to and drunk with and have his hand properly shook .sx ' Rather than miss this unique experience , all followed suit .sx ` And there aren't many gents ' , said Mr. Tyrrell , the blacksmith ( the traces of whose grip are with me still ) , ` who would say so little about it .sx ' ` And now,' said I , ` what are your orders ?sx ' During my long-promised dinner with Vivian , which we ate at a small but excellent restaurant which he told me had recently been opened one of those restaurants where you find ex-head-waiters as proprietors , assisted by ordinary waiters who will , in time , become head-waiters and then leave to burgeon out into proprietors themselves for thus it goes on during dinner Vivian asked me if I would care to see a show .sx On my saying that I should , he became rather confused for a moment , and then said that he should like me to see Fig Leaves , because a friend of his was in it .sx In fact , the leading lady .sx In fact , the great Posy Crystal .sx This was interesting .sx I had never been much addicted to that recent growth , revue ; but in earlier days , when I looked in now and then at music halls , I had always been attracted by Posy Crystal .sx There was something big and generous about her .sx Not only her mouth and smile , but her character , her gestures .sx Something I might almost call Shakespearean .sx Her jokes were free , but they were well grounded :sx human rather than verbal .sx She had a rich voice , which reached even the poorest seat in the gallery ; and the gallery was not slow to let her know that this unusual concession was appreciated .sx But not only was she the darling of the gods , the stalls liked her too .sx One of her amusing tricks was to greet a late comer or twit an early leaver .sx Many performers do this , but none so engagingly as she .sx But all this was many years ago .sx ` You don't mean the Posy Crystal that I used to see ?sx ' I asked .sx ` You mean a daughter , I suppose .sx " ` Oh , no,' he said , with a slight embarrassment , ` there has only been one .sx She's come back .sx She's making a new success in revue .sx She's all the rage in Fig Leaves ; and I've got a song in it .sx I thought perhaps you'd like it if we went round to her dressing-room .sx She's delightful .sx ' ` Then you know her very well ?sx ' I asked .sx He came as near blushing as the young man of the day can manage , and admitted .sx it .sx 'Is she married ?sx ' I asked .sx 'No,' he said quickly .sx ` She may have been .sx I I don't know .sx But she isn't now .sx She's as free as air .sx That is , she would be , only she happens to be engaged to me .sx ' To you !sx ' I exclaimed .sx ` My dear boy !sx But she must be over forty .sx ' 'I don't know her age,' he said .sx 'I never asked her .sx ' `But surely ' I began .sx `But well , what do your parents say ?sx ' .sx They don't know,' he replied .sx `And what are you going to live on ?sx ' I asked .sx ` On my music,' he said .sx ` I'm getting better known every day .sx Lots of managers are after me .sx Besides , Posy does awfully well .sx ' `But you wouldn't live on her ?sx ' I asked , although I didn't know why he shouldn't .sx Women have come down to the arena to such an extent that they have as much right to find the income as the husbands have .sx Still , there's an old-fashioned prejudice against hanging up one's hat , and I expressed it .sx 'No , of course not,' he said indignantly ; `but I could keep myself .sx I wouldn't touch her money , and she wouldn't need mine .sx As a matter of fact , we have talked it over .sx She's she's really fond of me , you know .sx ' ` It's the most extraordinary thing I ever heard of,' I said .sx 'I can't take it in in a moment .sx Aren't there any young girls in your walk of life that you care for ?sx You're only twenty-two , aren't you ?sx ' .sx That's all,' he said .sx ' But this is my walk of life .sx I am in the show-line , too .sx We're both Bohemians , both professionals .sx What is age ?sx ' .sx ` Age ' , I said , ` is a barrier of iron , which increases in strength every day .sx No husband should be as much younger than his wife as twenty years .sx No young man brought up as you have been should marry a music-hall singer .sx What kind of life are you anticipating ?sx There will be no evenings at home in it have you thought of that ?sx ' .sx ` I loathe evenings at home,' he said .sx