THE YOUNG WOMAN LIVING ALONE .sx All that has been said in the foregoing pages about what is meant by a lady , is true for all women and young girls .sx But in these days , so many young women leave the protection of the parental home long before they acquire the status of a married woman , that a few rules for their guidance are most necessary .sx Girls in jobs living in bachelor digs , girl students in towns distant from their homes , girls travelling the world alone , even , may seem and indeed be emancipated , but they are not released from the ordinary rules of good behaviour .sx Indeed , it may be wise for them to observe such rules even more carefully , inasmuch as they are judged entirely on their own behaviour and deportment , and not at all on their home backgrounds or the social standing of their parents .sx It is not the function of this book to enter into questions of morals but to provide a guide to behaviour that will not cause eyebrows to be raised .sx However innocent her morals in actual fact , the young woman whose behaviour departs widely from accepted contemporary standards is likely to cause heads to shake , tongues to wag , and some doors will close to her and some men feel that she could not make them a suitable wife .sx The way she lives is the first problem .sx To live in a recognised residential club such as the Y.W.C.A. or university hostel is one acceptable solution ; others are to board with a family , or to share a flat with one or two other girls in similar circumstances .sx For slightly older , more experienced young women , a room in a " family " , a converted house made over for boarders , or a flat in a respectable block preferably near to friends of her family , or relations , are other possibilities .sx However impeccable her own behaviour , she should avoid living with , or near , people who clearly have less regard for convention .sx In her social relationships with men , the woman living alone must accept certain conventions .sx She should not lunch or dine alone with a married man more than once or twice- unless their relationship is openly a business one that demands it .sx She should never allow a man guest to stay on after a party at her flat or room after other guests have gone , or stay on herself at a man's party after the rest have left .sx She should not entertain a man alone in her apartment , except for the few brief minutes when he calls for her before an evening out together ; nor should she go alone to a man's bachelor flat or room .sx In most hostels and boarding houses , convention rules that if a man and woman are alone together , which may at times be perfectly permissible and necessary , the door must be left open .sx The young woman living on her own will not accept an invitation from a man to visit his country home , unless she knows that his mother or other married relation will be there to act as hostess for him .sx Preferably , the invitation should come from his mother .sx The young woman living alone must be especially discreet about drinking only in strict moderation .sx Here again , however innocent her actual life , if she is known not to behave with strict regard for propriety in any one matter , all her other behaviour at once comes under suspicion .sx For the same reason , she should never accept a valuable present from a man who is not a relation .sx A problem common to all young women , not only those living on their own , is that of whether , and when , to offer to " go Dutch " or share expenses of an outing with a young man escort .sx This is quite an accepted custom in these days when young women earn sizeable salaries , but a girl must display good manners in the way she offers to do her share of the paying .sx It is easy to hurt a man's feelings .sx With a new acquaintance , it is probably best to let the man " make the running " and suggest outings for the first time or two ; the girl should show her appreciation by her obvious enjoyment and animation during the outing and by her thanks at the end of it .sx Then she can either take her turn as host , by saying she has been given theatre tickets ( or , more simply just , " I've got two theatre " , without more explanation ) and asking him to accompany her , perhaps suggesting that to make it entirely " her " evening , he allows her to take him for a meal beforehand ; or alternatively she can , when accepting his next invitation , say , " Yes , I'd love to come , but let's go Dutch this " .sx The important thing is that she must make it plain before the evening begins that some or all of the financial responsibility for it will be hers .sx An argument over the restaurant bill or at the cinema box office is humiliating and undignified for a man , and her good manners must save him from being put in such a situation .sx Similarly , since most men like to be seen to do the paying , it is a tactful precaution if , at the start of the evening out , she gives him the theatre tickets " to take care of " and , if they are going to a restaurant for which she is paying , a small purse containing amply enough for the evening , from which he can settle the bills , taxi fares , etc. If they are sharing expenses , it is tactful still to give him the purse , saying " Would you take my share out of that ?sx " This avoids any undignified " settling-up " of each item of the evening .sx Introductions , Acknowledgements and Leave Taking .sx When to perform an introduction often puzzles the inexperienced .sx A good rule is " If in doubt , do so " as it is better to risk seeming a little fussy than to leave two people each wondering who the other is and wishing you had introduced them .sx An introduction is a social matter ; therefore one would not introduce a friend to , say , one's doctor , since a visit to or from the doctor is not a social occasion .sx Naturally if the doctor were also a personal friend , or social acquaintance , the situation might be different and an introduction quite in order .sx Similarly a chance meeting with a friend , while walking with another friend in the street , is not a social occasion and introductions are not called for ; unless it seems likely that one is going to stand and chat for a few minutes , or walk along all together , when an introduction will obviously set everyone more at ease .sx The hostess at a small party will see that guests are introduced to one another ; at a large party it is in order for guests to effect the introductions between people they know , or even to introduce themselves informally to other guests .sx If one brings a friend to a party , who is not known to the hostess , one must , of course , present one's friend to the hostess immediately on arrival .sx In the business world , strangers should be introduced if it seems likely they will have future dealings with one another .sx For instance , if a regular business contact is waiting in the secretary's room for an interview with her employer , and one of the firm's departmental heads comes in , the secretary should introduce the outsider to the departmental head , unless she knows that for any reason her chief would not approve it .sx Guests are not introduced to servants or members of staff , but if on a visit of any duration , the guest should be made aware of the servant's name and function in some such form as " Aunt Elizabeth , Jane will get you anything you want- just ring for her .sx " The form an introduction takes has been very much simplified in recent years , but the general rule of presenting the less important person to the one it is desired to honour most , still remains .sx Men are introduced to women , untitled people are introduced to titled ones , young people to older ones , old friends to newcomers , the unmarried girl to the married woman and so on .sx Because of the very special honour accorded to Royalty and high-ranking clergy , everyone is presented to them , regardless of title , age or sex .sx To perform an introduction , one says something like , " Mrs. Smith " ( or , if one knows her well , " Mary" ) " may I introduce Miss " , and then , turning to Miss Jones , says simply , " Mrs. " .sx That is all that is necessary , but if one wishes , one may turn again to Mrs. Smith and add " Miss Jones has just returned from a visit to New " , or some such bit of information which will give Mrs. Smith ( as the senior member of the pair ) a chance to start an interesting conversation .sx When introducing people in circumstances where Christian names are likely to be used straight away ( as with young people , or introducing one's relations to old and intimate friends ) it is still important to give the surnames clearly on the first introduction ; otherwise circumstances can easily arise where people never know one another's surnames and the degree of friendship already achieved makes it impossible to ask .sx ACKNOWLEDGING AN INTRODUCTION .sx A lady must rise when being introduced to an older woman or " social superior " or to a clergyman .sx If the difference in their status is great she should remain standing until the other person either has a seat , or goes away .sx " How do you do " is the only possible verbal acknowledgement of an introduction ; it is purely formal , and not intended to be treated as an enquiry after anyone's health .sx Handshaking on introduction is largely dying out in Britain although it is still very much the correct thing on the Continent .sx In Britain , the former rule was that the socially superior person should be the first to extend a hand- and as few people of gentle instincts like , nowadays , to claim social superiority , the usage is less often followed .sx Exceptions are when a much younger person is introduced to an older one , or where the distinction of rank is obvious ; then the senior person , if she wishes , will extend a hand .sx Although handshaking is less often practised , it is , of course , very important to take instantly a proffered hand , in order to avoid calling attention to any possible lack of savoir-faire in the other person , and , quite simply , not to keep them waiting with hand outstretched .sx There is no especial rule about shaking hands with or without gloves .sx The only rules are , don't fumble with a glove , and don't apologise for having one .sx LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION .sx There is a definite etiquette about these .sx Letters should be handed unsealed to the person being introduced , who will , on arrival at the new place , post or leave them by hand on [SIC] the friend to whom they are addressed , together with a visiting card or brief covering letter indicating where he or she may be contacted .sx It is not etiquette to deliver a letter of introduction in person to the one to whom it is addressed .sx The addressee should then promptly contact the newcomer with an invitation to meet him or her .sx If you have given someone a letter of introduction to a friend or business contact , it is etiquette to write a second letter , later , thanking him or her for the kindness shown to the newly-introduced person .sx THE UNWELCOME INTRODUCTION .sx While people performing introductions will , of course , not do so unless reasonably sure that it will be agreeable to both sides , still , the mere fact of having been formally introduced does not compel one to continue an uncongenial acquaintance , but to break it off too pointedly could be construed as rudeness towards the friend performing the introduction .sx The best course is to be civil but not forthcoming , though occasionally , with a really determined pursuer , stronger means may have to be adopted .sx The introduction , however , has committed one to nothing and one need not feel badly about disrupting the acquaintance .sx