On the day of the funeral I had to be awoken at seven a.m. in order to arrive punctually at the church .sx Several streets in the vicinity had been closed by police .sx They feared a repetition of the extravagant scenes that had occurred when Valentino's embalmed body was laid out in full evening dress for the public to visit .sx Thousands had thronged Broadway .sx Children had been separated from their parents , scores of people bruised and trampled .sx Several police charges were made .sx Plate-glass windows were shattered by the pressure of the crowd .sx Finally the mortuary doors had to be closed .sx Fortunately on the morning of the funeral everything was quiet .sx I arrived safely at The Little Church Around the Corner .sx Ben Lyon was in charge of the ushers .sx We had little to do as the church filled so quickly .sx At the last minute Pola Negri arrived dressed from head to toe in black .sx She was followed by two florists carrying an enormous blanket of white violets .sx In purple violets was inscribed the message :sx 'With love from Pola .sx ' This tribute was placed upon the coffin , almost hiding it from view .sx The coffin in question was a prodigious , ornate affair of bronze .sx Outweighing its occupant by some 500 lb .sx , it had cost $10,000 .sx The spectators were upset by the outsize wreath .sx On all sides audible whispers of protest broke out :sx 'We can't see the casket .sx ' The service was beautiful .sx Augmented by the chorus of the Metropolitan Opera Company , the choir was led by the singing of Benjamino Gigli , then at the height of his power .sx Sobs could be heard over the entire church as the eight bearers carried the casket from the altar .sx As they made their way down the aisle , a young girl sprang from her seat , throwing herself in front of them .sx When they were almost at the door , the interruption was repeated- this time by a little man , prostrating himself with a cry of ~'I loved him more than anybody .sx ' A pathetic , jarring tribute to Valentino's extraordinary universal popularity .sx As an usher I was unable to sit with my wife .sx As I was slowly making my way out of the church Mr Frank Campbell , owner of the famous Campbell's Funeral Parlour which had handled all the arrangements , sent a message asking me to meet him .sx 'Your wife has expressed a desire to see the Gold Room where Valentino lay in state .sx Would you care to accompany us ?sx ' By that time having had my fill of flowers , crowds , mourning , and music , I replied rather tersely that that was the last thing I wanted to do .sx 'If Madam wants me for anything important , I shall be lying in state myself- at the Racquet Club .sx ' I had just finished my third martini when I was summoned to the telephone by Mr Campbell .sx 'There has been a most unfortunate accident .sx . regrettable piece of carelessness on the part of my staff- ' 'What happened ?sx ' I interrupted , anxiously .sx 'On throwing open the doors of the Gold Room for your wife , which automatically turned on the lights , we came upon the naked embalmed body of a man lying on the floor .sx He was awaiting the assistant's return from lunch .sx ' Not altogether surprisingly , my wife had fainted .sx Mr Campbell wanted to know what I was going to do about the matter ?sx I explained that I was hardly in a position to do anything at all .sx 'My wife , you say , is in the Gold Room .sx I am here at the Racquet Club .sx ' Several miles separated us .sx 'Are you still there , Campbell ?sx Tell her that when she is well enough to join me , she'll find me patiently waiting for her at the bar .sx ' Though this was not exactly the last we saw of each other , it was a definite prelude to our parting , when Constance decided to go alone to the coast while I returned to Scotland .sx 12 .sx THE EMBASSY CLUB VENTURE .sx Our divorce .sx Embassy Club syndicate .sx Luigi , Ralph , Peto .sx Back to America .sx The Tucker car .sx Queen Mary's Dolls' House .sx My father's retirement .sx THE episode of our marriage was ending , as it were , by mutual agreement , but the statutory requirements of British divorce in that period demanded adultery .sx The evidence I set about supplying .sx This proved more difficult than anticipated .sx However , my friend Wilfred Egerton assured me it was really no problem at all , despite the lack of a prospective co-respondent .sx 'I've just the girl for the job,' he said , 'charming and attractive .sx ' The following Saturday afternoon I hired a Daimler with chauffeur , despatching them to the lady's address .sx From there they were to call for me at the club and we would set off for our transitory liaison .sx The car was on time .sx Nimbly I nipped down the steps of White's , only to stop dead in my tracks at a glimpse of the lady .sx No !sx With her it would be quite impossible !sx Taking a deep breath and summoning my politest manner , I opened the car door , explaining that I was unavoidably detained .sx Would she mind returning in about a quarter of an hour ?sx Dashing back into the Club , I searched out Rod Wanamaker , who fortunately was there at the time .sx Explaining that Wilfred had landed me with a woman of whom I could not stand even the sight , I begged Rod to come as well .sx 'I can't bear it alone !sx ' He responded to my cry for help .sx The pair of us spent the night in our sitting-room playing backgammon while the lady languished alone next door .sx For the purpose of evidence I put in a pyjamaed appearance at breakfast , when the waiter took due notice .sx Leaving an adequate sum on the sitting-room mantelpiece plus a railway ticket for her return to London , Rod and I caught the next train back to town .sx Wilfred told me of the lady's subsequent comments over the telephone .sx She asked why she had been sent on the trip at all .sx 'I don't think your friend Mackintosh knows a woman when he sees one .sx Him and his boy-friend , they ought to be locked up !sx ' That being as it were that , it is not necessary here for me to say anything further , except that the divorce went through and my marriage to Constance ended without rancour upon either side .sx Indeed , we have remained very good friends .sx She is still very much alive and married to Walter Giblin , living in New York .sx Probably I was too much of an individualist to make a success as a star's husband .sx Whatever the reasons , which after all concerned only ourselves , it was a romantic experience I shall never regret .sx . Being once more footloose and fancy free in London , I began to search round for a fresh interest .sx This was to be the Embassy Club .sx There will never again be a club like it .sx It was a Bond Street annexe to Ascot's Royal Enclosure , as famous in its day as the '21' club in New York , 'Le Jardin de Ma Soeur' in Paris , and the Everglade's in Palm Beach .sx In one way or another the Embassy featured in all my old friend Michael Arlen's earlier novels .sx When his famous The Green Hat appeared , at one single lunchtime at the Embassy there were no less than five ladies in Chapeaux Verts , doubtless anxious to be believed the inspiration of 'Iris Fenwick' .sx Quite as successful as the book was the play of the same title which opened on September 2nd , 1925 , starring Tallulah Bankhead .sx Though the Embassy was open for lunch it was usually described as a night-club .sx Unlike its forerunners it was eminently respectable .sx Of course there were ladies whose reputations may have disturbed certain matrons , but the said ladies had an elegance which added lustre to the establishment .sx How did I come to be connected with the Embassy Club ?sx One Bob Hornby suggested Wilfred Egerton , myself , and some others taking over the 400 Club in Bond Street .sx It was being run by Arthur Kelly , Charles Chaplin's London agent , who was finding the two assignments over-much for one man .sx Accordingly we formed a syndicate to buy the place , decorating it in conservative style .sx Admission price was low ; so was the annual subscription .sx Success became instantaneous .sx We renamed it the Embassy to suggest luxury .sx A great asset was that one went from the street straight into the restaurant with its dance floor , surrounded by comfortable banquette tables .sx The bar downstairs was always crowded .sx The real success of the place was due to the 6mai@5tre d'hotel , Luigi Naintre .sx He had long been in charge of Romano's and the Criterion .sx He came as managing director , our largest shareholder .sx He was far more than just a restaurant manager ; he was an ambassador , a man of astonishing ability and tact .sx Another notable feature was the music provided by Ambrose , who was at the height of his fame .sx From the prestige angle the Club was helped by the frequent visits of the Prince of Wales and his brothers , the Dukes of York and Kent .sx It was , I think , the first night-club to be frequented by Royalty .sx We had a subsidiary company called the Embassy Wine and Spirit Company , supplying both the club and the public .sx Luigi's aptitude may best be illustrated by the following anecdote .sx I was dining in the club when Lord Sefton and his son , Hugh , came in and sat at the opposite end of the room .sx Luigi talked to them while taking their order for dinner .sx When he came back to my table he said :sx 'You will be glad to hear that I have just sold +10,000 worth of champagne to His Lordship .sx ' How indefatigable Luigi was !sx He would leave for home at two in the morning , rise again at five , in order to go to market and choose everything himself .sx Twelve-thirty would find him back at the club , suave , debonair , ready for the busy lunchtime session .sx Embassy shareholders made a hundred per cent annual profit over a period of some five years .sx We only sold out when compelled to do so by Luigi's death .sx This was an occasion of great sorrow for us .sx His was an impressive funeral at St Anne's , Soho .sx Thousands from every sphere of life attended , and five Daimlers were required to carry the flowers from the church to the cemetery .sx Our club chef had a particular reputation for the way in which he cooked " lter fish- a Jewish dish , mixture of chopped whiting , herring , halibut , cod , and mackerel , mixed with egg and breadcrumbs .sx So much did one American , Jefferson Cohn , appreciate this dish that when he was over in Paris he would have " lter fish flown over to him every Saturday !sx Before finishing with the Embassy Club let me say a few words about one of our most eccentric members , Ralph Peto .sx He came in one morning before lunch with a polo boot on one foot and a slipper on the other .sx Had he been unable to make up his sartorial mind or merely forgotten to put on the second boot ?sx He talked to a horse-coper in the club bar .sx Ralph Peto owed the man +5000 already and was abusively demanding an additional +500 .sx His language was not merely explosive , it was obscene .sx Wilfred Egerton rebuked him mildly :sx 'Please , Ralph , don't talk like that .sx I can't bear dirt .sx ' Ralph bowed and apologized , only to come out with an appallingly personal comment that so scared its recipient , a young lady , that she left her cocktail untouched .sx It is recorded also that in some outburst of domestic tension Ralph burned all his mother-in-law's clothes in the middle of Manchester Square garden .sx Another time when an invitation to dinner with the Princess Polignac at her palace in Venice was not forthcoming , he jumped into a gondola .sx While the gondolier was delivering Ralph's letter of indignation , Ralph went to the Princess's kitchen , dismembered the stove with a coal-hammer and threw the dinner into the Grand Canal .sx The Embassy Club was by no means my sole adventure in property dealings .sx Always they have fascinated me .sx I longed , for instance , to buy the Ritz Hotel .sx