Yet , he might be wrong .sx A hope began to rise in his viscera .sx Perhaps he was mistaken .sx Perhaps the entry in Sylvia's diary- she hated her mother ; she had been jealous of his attentions to her ; perhaps it was the hysterical invention of a child who herself in puberty had fallen in love with the nearest , familiar man .sx Perhaps that was the origin of her hatred which had then led him by her subconscious design to the diaries .sx The memory of Elizabeth , greeting him with her outflung arms , soared into his mind and with it the recollection of the bloodstained towel which he had held to her forehead .sx 'Oh , God,' he thought , 'perhaps I'm wrong,' and with the thought came an unexpected hope like that of a man who , told that he has an incurable disease , hears that the pathologist had made a mistake in examining the tissue .sx Perhaps I'm wrong .sx The hope became a music , and with it a compulsive need to see Elizabeth again , to hold her and to feel again their old safe love .sx 'That ends our proceedings,' said the Chairman , and the Members rose with a shuffle and scraping of chairs .sx They began to leave the Committee Room like a pattern of the trends in the Party .sx Ormston stepped down from the dais into the central aisle , taking the longest route through the room to the Public Exit .sx He was greeted on all sides with friendly smiles .sx Members made a path for him , and he was quickly surrounded by a number of ex-Ministers who had retired to the back benches , a few knights of his recommendation , and a rank-and-file of younger Members whom he had encouraged with advice and expectations .sx Gore and a few of his associates in the New Africa Group became involved in this stream as it pressed towards the door like a debouching cinema audience , and they were regarded with the same indifference as members of cinema audiences reserve for each other .sx Melville moved towards the platform exit , together with some of the Party officials and Waters .sx He was followed by about half the Members in the room as if he were leading them into a plebiscite .sx They grouped themselves around him , smiling and demonstrative as if to show where their sympathies and loyalties lay , though no one addressed him personally .sx In the Corridor , the Chief Whip caught up with him , and said , 'I thought the Chancellor settled Gore pretty well .sx ' 'Did you ?sx ' Melville said .sx 'I had a different impression ; I rather thought he was goading him .sx ' 'To abstain ?sx ' 'Yes,' said Melville .sx 'There's nothing he likes more than to frighten the Party .sx That's the first step .sx Then he likes to come along and kiss it better .sx ' He outdistanced his attendants with Waters , and said , 'I'll have to talk to the P.M.. Will you telephone and arrange for me to go down to Greystoke tomorrow ?sx ' 'Yes,' said Waters .sx 'Are you lunching in the Members' Dining-Room ?sx ' 'No,' said the Minister .sx 'I want to walk across the Park .sx ' He walked briskly without hat and coat , and soon felt himself sweating under the hazy , copper-coloured sky , heavy with the storm which had begun to rumble and crack beyond Buckingham Palace .sx The ducks had retreated to the reeds , and the water had black reflections .sx On the grass , couples lay stretched out , the men in shirt-sleeves , the women in sleeveless summer dresses , some engaged in what otherwise would have seemed coital preliminaries , were such activities not the normal convention of London crowds in hot summers .sx Others picknicked [SIC] close by- the whole a picture of domestic living in the open air .sx As Melville walked , a thunderclap awoke the prostrate figures as if by the alarm signal of a gigantic clock .sx They rose .sx The women smoothed the creases of their dresses .sx The men languidly put on their jackets .sx And to the accompaniment of the first fat raindrops , they began to move swiftly away in pairs .sx The lake started to become dappled with rain , there was a dazzling flash , followed by a massive roll , and soon the Park began to scurry with figures running for shelter from the storm .sx As Melville walked , he heard steps splashing behind him .sx 'Like a share of my mac ?sx ' a voice said .sx He turned with the rain purling down his face to see Armstrong , who had quickened his step to keep pace with him .sx For a moment , he didn't recognise him .sx Then he said , 'That's very civil of you .sx No , thanks .sx I'll just imagine I'm doing a cross-country run .sx I'll change when I get in .sx ' 'As you like,' said Armstrong , and was about to turn into a side path but Melville , thinking that he might have felt snubbed , said , 'Come this way- then you can cut across .sx ' 'I used to play rugger,' said Armstrong .sx 'I missed it when I gave it up .sx ' 'How old were you ?sx ' 'Thirty-six,' said Armstrong .sx 'I'm fifty-four now .sx ' To make conversation , Melville asked a few questions about his family and South Wales .sx He liked his cadenced voice , his easy , undeferential manner and his pleasant , open face with the blue scar at the side of his head .sx 'You're having a bad time,' said Armstrong .sx 'In Africa ?sx ' 'Yes .sx ' 'It's pretty bad .sx ' 'Well , I'm sorry for you , lad,' said Armstrong .sx They walked along without speaking with the rain streaming down their faces , and Melville wished that he had learned to know the Opposition back-benchers better .sx He wanted to talk to Armstrong , but he had difficulty in finding the language and so they walked in silence .sx But the leaves gave off a warm , soaking smell , the pain in his head lifted , and he felt refreshed .sx He changed his suit in his dressing-room into which a bed had been moved , and then knocked on the door of the main bedroom .sx Elizabeth was sitting propped up against the pillows , wearing a pale blue bedjacket over a white nightdress .sx Broome was sitting at her bedside , and greeted Melville with a broad smile .sx 'She'll live,' he said .sx 'Don't let the head-dress worry you .sx She likes wearing it .sx Thinks it makes her interesting .sx I'll look in tomorrow .sx ' When he had left , Melville stood by the window , looking out at the street , and Elizabeth turned her face into the pillow .sx After a minute of silence , Melville said , 'Elizabeth- I must talk to you .sx ' She didn't answer , and he faced her .sx On her bandages , there was a trace of blood ; her cheeks were pale ; and her eyes had heavy violet shadows beneath them .sx She was looking straight in front of her as she answered in a flat voice , 'I have nothing to say to you .sx You are a very wicked person .sx ' 'I have something to say to you,' he said savagely , sitting on the bed and taking her wrists in his hands .sx 'I want to know- I've got to know-' She turned her eyes on him , and said in the same flat voice , 'If you say again what you said last night , I'll kill myself as soon as you leave the house .sx ' He slowly let go of her wrists and rose from the bed .sx His gaze still held her expressionless eyes , and he withdrew to the door .sx Then he went to his study , his certainties complete .sx It was done , and nothing could ever change it .sx Nothing .sx Ever .sx He looked at a photograph of Elizabeth and himself taken on the Terrace a few years before , and suddenly , covering his face with his hands , he began to weep , the tears trickling through his fingers as they had done in his childhood when his father had died and there was no comfort in the whole world .sx CHAPTER TWELVE .sx After lunch two of the Prime Minister's grandchildren who had sat , rather intimidated by Ormston and staring at the Grinling Gibbons carving around the fireplace , rose gratefully from the table , leaving the two men together .sx A nurse came in , and asked the Prime Minister if he wanted to be helped out on to the lawn , but he waved her away impatiently .sx The Prime Minister was wearing a grey suit and a white shirt with a soft collar , but his neck had become thinner and the collar stood away from it as if it had been bought haphazard .sx His face had a jaundiced colour , and his cheekbones were red , touched with a feverish cosmetic .sx Only his voice was unchanged ; it was slow and thoughtful with its familiar , rehearsed calmness .sx He crumpled his table napkin , and laid it on a plate .sx 'I see no urgent anxiety,' he said at last .sx 'Perhaps I can put it this way,' said Ormston , 'and now I'm seeing the situation purely as Chancellor .sx Our reserves are low , and are getting lower .sx I feel rather like a father whose child is bleeding to death .sx ' His simile disturbed him ; it evoked other associations , and he hurriedly drained the glass of water .sx The Prime Minister said nothing , and Ormston continued , 'Let's leave out the political merits of the situation .sx ' 'Is that possible ?sx ' 'For the sake of my hypothesis- yes .sx I'm thinking for the moment in plain , economic terms .sx We can't afford to increase our costs in Africa- we simply can't afford it .sx I don't mean just our direct military costs .sx I'm thinking of the African Boycott which is already working up .sx I'm afraid , Prime Minister , you're not going to like the trading position when you see it .sx ' 'I never do,' the Prime Minister commented wearily .sx The Chancellor was repeating an argument which he had already developed for an hour before lunch .sx 'It comes at a bad time,' said Ormston .sx 'A singularly bad time .sx The Party's very restless , you know .sx ' 'It's a sign of life- very encouraging !sx ' 'The younger men-' 'Which ones ?sx ' 'The younger ones like Gore , Vaughan , Hadley , Prebble , Lambert-Price- the New Africa lot-' 'Do they confide in you ?sx Have you spoken to them ?sx ' 'Only at yesterday's meeting- they're very restless , Prime Minister .sx They feel that it's very old-fashioned- shooting down mobs of natives .sx They're very much afraid that if the Opposition get a Commission of Enquiry some rather dismal stuff is going to come out .sx ' 'Young back-benchers are always restive when they're bored,' said the Prime Minister , and for the first time since his grandchildren left the table , he smiled .sx 'Why don't you give them something to play with ?sx ' 'They've found their own toy,' said Ormston , 'and this is it .sx They want to abstain next week .sx ' The Prime Minister continued in his flippant tone , 'Tell the Chief to give them a talking-to .sx ' The Chancellor closed his eyes , and then said , 'I think it's gone beyond that , Prime Minister .sx They feel pretty strongly about Africa .sx They are greatly disturbed by the new and rather ugly image of the Party which our African policy is creating .sx On the whole , the country is still in favour of moderation and common sense .sx Melville has in a curious way made us look old-fashioned- extravagant- nineteenth centuryish- almost cranky .sx ' 'Don't you think the British public has reveries of Britannia's strong , firm hand ?sx ' 'I think the British public doesn't dislike force provided that it's short , sharp and rewarding .sx ' They both laughed and felt relaxed .sx Then Ormston frowned and went on , 'What the British public doesn't like is violence that's protracted , messy and expensive .sx At that point , you get a moral revulsion against force- especially if it makes taxation rise .sx I must tell you , Prime Minister- we're heading for an ugly crisis- and I'm obliged to say this- Melville has a very heavy responsibility in this matter .sx ' 'What could Melville have done to avoid all this ?sx ' 'Well , obviously,' said Ormston , taking up a pair of nut-crackers , 'he boobed by talking to Julia Drayford- and that was the start of the whole thing .sx ' The Prime Minister looked puzzled , and said , 'Julia Drayford ?sx How does she come into it ?sx I can't follow these complexities-' 'It isn't quite that .sx The whole business blew up from Melville's disgraceful indiscretion to Julia Drayford in Mrs. M'landa's presence .sx I don't know the exact chain of gossip or who told who what .sx