There is not much you can do with a mahogany wardrobe except put your clothes in it .sx Save perhaps to the simple-minded , a dressing-table and a gas-fire do not open up endless vistas of amusement .sx I saw at a glance that the only possibility of diversion lay in the bed itself , which stood in the middle of the room , hostile and unruffled , as though convinced I would never have the courage to use it .sx But then a thought struck me :sx the very fact that the room was so uncompromisingly adjusted to lying down might make this easier to do when the right moment came .sx But when was it coming ?sx How would one recognise it ?sx By dismissing the porter with a florin , I brought that moment a step nearer .sx For the time being , however , it seemed essential to distract Priscilla's attention from such matters , though I can't think why .sx I knew that she was not averse in principle to the loss of that closely-guarded ladylike secret which has inspired respect in so many poets , especially those of the old-fashioned type .sx I speak of her virginity .sx Though not a poet , I had respected it myself .sx But that does not mean that we weren't both quite anxious to have it out of the way .sx It had been playing the part of a fifth parent for far too long , getting between us whenever we began to slip from sofa to hearthrug , raising a finger if we reached the feverish point of asking a favour from it .sx The time had arrived to get rid of it .sx Just as our parents had faded into slightly ridiculous memories gesturing in the background , so too must virginity give way before the pressures of a legal marriage .sx But Priscilla , who can be very matter-of-fact at times , was plainly waiting for me to propose some suitable way of spending the evening .sx Why should an item like marriage affect one's orderly mode of existence ?sx And she was right .sx A prompt seduction on my part would land us with the necessity to rise , bathe and dress , chat falsely about this and that , and emerge into the rest of the evening as though nothing had happened .sx As it was , we had a ready-made climax to look forward to , and it was merely a question of shaping the hours ahead with tact and artistry .sx So I suggested we dine .sx But Priscilla wasn't hungry .sx She had eaten too much of the smoked salmon at the reception .sx I proposed we visit a few of the places we had known together , have a few drinks , perhaps dance .sx Dancing , she claimed , would exhaust her utterly .sx Did I want that ?sx No , I didn't .sx And as for the drinks , she had no wish to be left tossing restlessly , while I snored my way into a hangover .sx Did I snore by the way ?sx No , I didn't .sx But I realised my invention was beginning to slacken .sx Now that the tensions of courtship were over , was Priscilla always going to be so difficult to entertain ?sx I next wondered if she would like to bear down on Shaftesbury Avenue and see a play .sx Priscilla fingered the knob on the bed and looked shocked .sx She thought there was something immoral about going to the theatre on what was , after all , the only wedding night she was likely to have for some time .sx It was my turn to look shocked .sx When , did she suppose , would the subsequent one take place ?sx If that was her wish , I was prepared to retire at once and leave the way clear for my successor .sx No doubt he was already skulking in the precincts .sx Priscilla laughed a little .sx At this point I must put down , within inverted commas , the words Priscilla next chose to use .sx Luckily I am not introducing her by one of her more stupid remarks .sx 'How long will it take you to realise,' she said , 'that the only thing I want to do this evening is what you keep on trying to put off in such a nasty way ?sx ' I could have no doubt of what she meant .sx If we had not been married , this would have qualified as an indecent proposal .sx I experienced a pang of regret that it was Priscilla and not I who had given voice to the thought .sx But the regret was quickly overwhelmed by the stunning knowledge that this , suddenly , was just the right room , just the right hour , for what we had in mind .sx The curtains shivered at the window in a slight breeze .sx The evening sunlight glowed like skin on the stuccoed houses opposite .sx The room was already darkening , and Priscilla was standing by the bed , one half of her face in shadow , the other gold with a faint reflection of the sun .sx A gleam caught the edge of her lip , the corner of her eye .sx I could not believe I had married this quiet breathing creature .sx 'Well,' I said slowly , 'all right .sx ' I thought afterwards it was an inadequate reply , but I had no time now to see it for what it was .sx Nor , evidently , had Priscilla .sx She heaved an enormous sigh , and I thought I saw a tear glimmering over her eyelash .sx Her mouth opened slightly to my kiss and moved beneath it .sx And that kiss grew with a leap into a mammoth sensation of the sort our former love-making had always been obliged to restrain .sx My hand swam through her hair and pushed her face into the kiss .sx Her eyelids dropped under the weight of it , her arms came up under my shoulders and closed over them , and a low aching cry rose in her throat .sx I had never heard anything like it .sx The kiss broke , as kisses do .sx But this was really the first ever , because it was no longer an end in itself .sx We no longer had to return to embarrassed reality , smooth down our clothes , wipe off smudged lipstick and suggest putting on another record .sx It was safe to dance on the edge of the precipice .sx We were licensed to jump .sx I have forgotten no detail of the scene that followed :sx Priscilla behaved unforgettably .sx With the assurance of that kiss still between us , she drew the curtains so that the fading day was narrowed to a slot of deep amber light , then stood on the opposite side of the bed , her eyes stark and unpretending and fixed on mine , and began unbuttoning her blouse .sx 'I am beginning to take off my clothes,' she said distinctly .sx 'You are not yet used to this sort of thing .sx ' I watched her with care .sx She might have been giving a cool demonstration to a class of novitiates .sx Her movements were precise , practised and unemotional .sx I fumbled hopelessly with my tie in a blurred imitation of her neat and methodical unclothing .sx She slipped out of her blouse , unzipped and dropped her skirt , and stepped out of it as though alighting from a bus .sx School had taught me that this was the sort of thing men were normally privileged to watch only through keyholes .sx But here I was , my senses involved to the point of suffocation in the rustling magic of a woman's undressing , and the fact that impressed me most was the purity of it :sx the simplicity of soft white materials , almost as insubstantial as light , which covered the sweet body in its own shape and slipped off it as quietly as a shadow covering the sun and left the dark skin beneath .sx With hair flopping over her shoulders , Priscilla squatted like an animal and , thrusting out first one leg and then the other , ran her stockings smoothly down and pulled them over her ankles .sx With every garment she removed , her body appeared to pass more duskily into the shadows until she stood in the nude , almost negligent in her attitude , not moving any more , as natural as a tree that has shed its leaves , as casual as a secretary waiting to take a letter .sx 'That's what it's like,' said Priscilla .sx 'You'd better get rid of any other ideas you might have had .sx ' Then like a child she climbed clumsily into bed and sat up shivering with the blankets round her shoulders .sx I put the coins from my pocket on the mantelshelf .sx 'Do you always do that ?sx ' she enquired .sx 'Yes,' I said .sx 'Otherwise , you see , it pulls the pockets of one's trousers out of shape .sx ' 'I do see that,' said Priscilla .sx She seemed interested , so I explained a few more masculine habits which she might not have encountered .sx I informed her about braces :sx to save trouble in the morning , one should remove them from one's suit the night before and lay them out ready to be buttoned to another pair of trousers for the new day .sx As my reason for rejecting suspenders , I said that I had been told by doctors that they were apt to bring up varicose veins on the legs .sx Priscilla uttered a groan .sx 'Let me see your legs,' she said .sx I showed her one .sx She pronounced it satisfactory .sx Then I noticed that she was not looking at my leg at all .sx I climbed hastily into bed .sx 'But I like it,' she said .sx 5 .sx PERHAPS we had read too few books .sx I once knew a man who took a pride in practising on unsuspecting ladies the advice put forward by authors of handbooks in respect of trial blandishments , eccentric positions and so forth .sx If he did not care for the result , he addressed witty letters of criticism to the publishers .sx He was a wise fellow , and I had been wrong to question his morals .sx Perhaps , on the other hand , we had expected too much from an activity which is , after all , no more than a convenient method devised by nature for reproducing the species .sx Anyway , whatever lay behind it , it was all a ghastly flop .sx To begin with , as we lay side by side like effigies , Priscilla seemed to have put the whole business out of her mind .sx She suddenly began to talk about bicycles , of all ridiculous things .sx 'When I was a girl,' she said chattily , 'I used to ride a bicycle .sx ' 'Oh , really ?sx ' 'Yes , and I was quite a horsewoman in my way too .sx ' We had always been very much involved in the present during the old days before the wedding , so this was something I had never suspected about Priscilla .sx It was quite interesting .sx On the other hand , I could have wished for a more suitable moment to digest such confidences .sx My sense of fitness began to tussle with my natural inclination to listen sympathetically to anything Priscilla cared to say .sx 'So it wouldn't be what you might think,' said Priscilla .sx 'Life never is,' I suggested , in a philosophical tone .sx 'It would probably be just the strain of gymkhana jumping and cycling madly all over the place .sx It can happen .sx 'Are you thinking of taking up riding again ?sx ' I asked .sx 'No,' said Priscilla .sx I did not reply .sx There was a decent interval of silence .sx Then , rather in a rush , activity took place .sx I hardly like to describe it .sx The bed creaked protestingly .sx I had visions , not of love , but of waiters dashing into the room with scandalised expressions .sx My mind wandered .sx The sweat broke out all over us , so that in a trice we were struggling through sticky intolerable tropics of our own making .sx My hair itched and I couldn't scratch it .sx I ricked my back .sx Our bodies jumped nervously away at the slightest touch .sx Wriggling like an eel , Priscilla complained of being tickled and her hand , raised in hysterical defence , caught me painfully in the eye .sx I pictured a free fight such as one sees in films and thought how much more manly it was than this display of total incompetence .sx Indeed I felt , when for a moment we paused and sank back on the damp pillows , that a fortnight of debauchery could scarcely leave me more drained and feeble .sx I had put such agonising effort into the achievement of nothing .sx I could feel the veins bulging in my head and my heart beating in angry frustration .sx