The Ghostess .sx by BETTY JAMES .sx 'AND,' added my teenage son , 'we shall also need a Necking Room .sx ' Coming as it did upon previous requests for beer and cigarettes , this caused me violently to wish that I had never agreed to a party at all , in spite of the fact that my son had filled me with pride by undertaking a paper-round to pay for it .sx Catching me in a busy moment , he had asked me if I would mind lending the sitting-room for a dance for his friends ; and I- my sanity clouded with visions of launching my boy handsomely into a reciprocal round of innocent entertainment- had foolhardily agreed to roll up the carpet one night and to go and do my typing elsewhere .sx Owing to my son's easy-going disposition and preference for the exotic and the modern , it suddenly dawned upon me that I was about to meet a posse of embryo beatniks and , as the date of the party approached and the needs of the occasion became more and more horrifying , I began to doubt the wisdom of my agreeing .sx Patently , the party was due to last all night .sx I telephoned a few of my more off-beat friends and was indulgently advised to give the kids what they wanted unless I wished my son to be socially ostracised- and to go out and leave them to it .sx This , however , I firmly refused to do .sx To come back to the home I had built with the sweat of my brow , typing my fingers down to the knuckles , and to find it full of drunken children and irate parents beating at the door of the Necking Room was more than I could stomach .sx I decided secretly to buy some ginger-ale and to creep around like Banquo- popping it into the beer .sx And so .sx . Dawn having finally flung her most ominous Stone , I went to work in aweful prescience and came back ready to do my son proud if it killed me .sx To my amazement , I found three children already there , working away like blacks .sx Or- I should say- two of them were working like blacks and one of them ( my son ) was directing operations in a masterly fashion .sx The carpet had already been taken into the bathroom ; a charming boy was polishing the floor of the sitting room ; and an adorable little girl , who was introduced to me as 'Marblehead,' was making sandwiches in the kitchen .sx Apart from being touched to my very soul I was also sickened to my stomach to think that these innocent little darlings were about to turn into hideous , beer-swilling , chain-smoking , Necking monsters in a very short time .sx At an age and time of day when , in my own youth , Christopher Robin was Saying His Prayers , the pink and healthy chip off my own block was probably about to sprout horns and a tail .sx OUR flat consists of a sitting room and two bedrooms .sx Feeling it less of a condonation of the corybantic diableries about to be performed by the invited 6jeunesse dore@2 , I had allotted my own bedroom for Necking , prudently removing both the bed and the key , and taken both myself and my typewriter into my son's bedroom .sx At intervals between 6 and 7 p.m. bunches of children arrived and , to my surprise , I was hauled out with each new invasion to be introduced by my son with what seemed to be a certain amount of inexplicable pride .sx Inexplicable , because our guests looked at me doubtfully , possibly due to the fact that I had not dressed to meet anybody , since I had expected to be kept well out of sight .sx I was wrapped in my usual working costume of huge and somewhat grubby red flannel dressing-gown , I had omitted to don a face and- another normal concession to work- had twined curlers in my hair in order to deter my fingers from plunging wildly through my new hair-do in moments of creative stress .sx Finally , to my dismay , three boys arrived bearing musical instruments and the festivities got under way .sx I had placed the beer in a strategic position on the hall chest outside my son's door so that I could listen for the moment when childish thirst overcame caution and the time arrived for the ginger ale to be wielded as a defensive weapon .sx For an hour nothing happened , nobody came near the beer , and I typed away with my other ear attuned to my bedroom door- which remained firmly closed .sx The noise from the sitting-room was deafening but tuneful .sx The boy prodigies might play loudly- but they were obviously able to play in tune .sx AFTER another hour of this I heard footsteps approaching and dashed for my deterrents .sx Whether in drink or deflowerment I was obviously about to have to defend to the death the innocence of some defenceless girl .sx All very well for my friends to tell me that my son was doomed to a lonely and celibate life if I interfered .sx That was before I had laid eyes on all those Bright Young Things .sx All right , go on and tell me that they are nothing but disburgeoned delinquents- they didn't look like that to me .sx My door opened and a child of about fifteen put her head round it .sx She looked at me for a second , wide-eyed , and then asked , 'Am I interrupting you ?sx ' I assured her that her visit was welcome and , encouraged , she added , 'Are we making too much noise ?sx ' I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and explained that , since this was my son's party , I did not feel entitled to complain .sx She then asked me why I didn't come and join the party .sx This undoubted compliment took me by surprise .sx I thanked her very much and told her that I was quite happy and felt that my interference at this stage would not only be unsuitable , but would also make her unpopular with her contemporaries .sx After I had explained what I meant she seemed flattered and pleased but emphatically denied that parents were necessarily squares and thus geometrically unsuited to teenage coruscations .sx In fact , we had an enlightening conversation- on both our parts .sx 'Angus told me that you write,' she stated , as if this fact whilst inarguably forever condemning me to the ranks of tepid Bohemianism- nevertheless earned for me the right of entry into any company , even theirs .sx After this she , and a couple of friends she had called to the rescue , helped me to a pair of leopard-skin tights and a black sweater from my depleted wardrobe and I was hustled into the sitting-room and taught the rock n' roll [SIC] , the cha-cha and other gay , if labyrinthine , mystiques .sx Five of the elder boys ( including the instrumentalists , who deserved it ) drank four bottles of beer apiece ; the others fell with delighted cries on the ginger-ale .sx The sandwiches were devoured , and one small girl fell asleep in the Necking Room .sx At 9.30 the lights were turned out and dancing continued in the dark .sx I returned to my work and the little girl in the Necking Room slept undisturbed .sx Nine of the children left at 10.45 obviously with appreciable respect for the instructions of stern , but just parents .sx Three boys ( one the brother of the sleeping child ) stayed overnight- after phoning for permission- to help restore order in the morning .sx AMONGST my so-called grown-up acquaintances where shall I ever find gathered together such a charming , friendly , unspoilt and generous cross-section of humanity as graced our home on the night of my son's party ?sx Where are the profligate little terrors I hear about ?sx Not necessarily ( as some would have it ) amongst the members of co-educational schools .sx These young people seem to have acquired a healthier slant on life than have some of their more conventional contemporaries and , if they are a sample of youth today , the psychiatrists' couches of the future should creak much less frequently as they get ready to bear the burden of yet another pathological despair .sx Asked at a Coroner's inquest to prove his identity and to agree that he was a medical practitioner , a doctor replied :sx 'Yes , sir .sx I am a medical practitioner- in fact , one of the best in the country .sx ' Ribbed afterwards by a colleague for immodesty and unprofessional conduct , the M.D. replied :sx 'Alas !sx What else could I say ?sx After all , I was on oath .sx ' Castle Wanted .sx by JOHN HAMMOND .sx 'Being a Top Person , it would appear , is not so much a question of balance as a state of mind .sx .' .sx THE British character is not quite dead .sx That is what I am able , and delighted , to report after devoting twelve months to reading the personal column of The Times- that daily barometer of the hopes , the fears , and the dreams of the nation's Top People .sx Even in the 1960s , it seems , there are still among us independent spirits who refuse to allow their horizons to be limited by the 8.15 and the goggle-box ; who will go anywhere and do anything , fight a duel , hire a parachutist ( 'either sex' ) for a special assignment , and are in the market for anything , from a rocking horse , 'traditional' , to a chastity belt , 'metal overlaid with velvet' .sx Reduced to their baser elements the motives that drive anyone to invest in a few lines of Times type are not so greatly different from those of advertisers in lesser journals :sx the desire to acquire something you have not got yourself , including money ; the complementary urge to sell someone else something you have yourself but would sooner be without .sx What distinguishes a Times Personal Column ad .sx is its careless , well-bred panache .sx For example , lots of people in this sad , overcrowded little world of ours suffer from a housing problem but how different from the pathetic appeal in the local newsagent's window is ~'I am urgently seeking an enormous country house anywhere in England .sx .' , or ~'Castle wanted as permanent home by young couple .sx .' There is , however , a hint of well-bred panic in ~'Agonized family ( 5 ) aesthetic and practical ambitions , urgently require Georgian ( or similar ) house .sx . derelict castle , unmanageable mansion or anything .sx .' ; and perhaps an appeal to the 6esprit de corps which , one imagines , exists among our Top People , in ~'My husband and I , Nanny and the children will be homeless next January unless you sell or let us that six bedroomed Georgian country house on the Herts-Essex borders that we have sought sorrowfully these last two years .sx .' Nor should one assume that money is no object with every advertiser .sx Being a Top Person , it would appear , is not so much a question of bank balance as a state of mind , and sprinkled among the demands for ancestral homes are to be found requests like the one from 'Impoverished , very junior executive' in need of living space .sx Naturally though , it has to be within walking distance of Mayfair , but , apart from that , an attic with only a shower and a gas ring will suffice .sx Practitioners of the arts are to be found at both ends of the financial scale , from the quiet-seeking writer wishing to rent a wing of a 'too-large castle' or mansion in the Scottish Highlands ( 'a library , music room , or private chapel would be much appreciated' ) to the 'very poor novelist' in search of shelter for himself and some furniture in London , 'charitable offers only , please .sx ' THE possession of a four-footed friend is a problem to all seekers after a roof and puts the experienced advertiser on his mettle .sx The bravura of ~'Accommodation for amiable bloodhound , grand piano and architect owner sought ; old vicarage ?sx ~Disused wing ?sx ~Help !sx ' has already been celebrated by a leading article in the journal in which it appeared ; but equally moving , in a more restrained key , is ~'Old English Sheepdog pup and Canadian Gentleman desire to be paying guests at Farm or Country House .sx .' However , even if the worst happens , the Top Person's dogs- provided they are few and small- may be 'boarded out en famille' , in another advertiser's country residence .sx And their felines , you will be relieved to know , may find accommodation suited to their station at the 'Cat-a-Guest House' , with 'expert care ; cuisine a speciality .sx '