Lenny of the Lamp Henry goes through torture to conjure up some giggles .sx By ALEC LOM .sx MASTER of mimicry Lenny Henry loves to conjure up a little magic in the make-up department .sx For his Hollywood movie True Identity , he pasted hot rubber on his face for eight hours to transform himself into a white man .sx Now Britain's top black showbiz star is up to his old tricks once again .sx This time he's endured seven agonising hours in a hairdresser's chair to create a crazy new role .sx In Bernard And The Genie , a 70-minute comic fantasy film , Lenny plays a Rastafarian spirit named Josephus .sx He said :sx " I told the guy in the salon I wanted to look really different this time .sx I didn't want to be Lenny .sx So they waxed me on dreadlock hair extensions .sx " It took seven hours to staple on 80 shoulder-length dreadlocks .sx It was agony .sx " .sx BUT Josephus is no ordinary genie .sx He's a cool cat who is into junk food and Arnold Schwarzenegger videos .sx The story is set three days before Christmas when young art dealer Bernard Bottle ( comic actor Alan Cumming ) is sacked by his heartless boss , played by Rowan Atkinson .sx When his fiancee dumps him for his best friend , she strips their luxury apartment of all her belongings , forgetting only an antique lamp .sx " Bernard rubs it absent-mindedly and I leap out and immediately try to kill him , " raves Lenny , 33 .sx " Like , for the last 2,000 years inside that lamp , I've been thinking there's no way I'm going to obey anybody when I get out .sx The ensuing fight is real Douglas Fairbanks Jnr stuff .sx But they become friends eventually .sx " There is a magic carpet ride round London , people's pockets suddenly fill with gold and Ninja Turtle is created out of thin air .sx Live Aid hero Bob Geldorf and arts presenter Melvyn Bragg pop up in puffs of smoke to make cameo appearances .sx " It's really great to be back working in Britain , " says the Midland-born comic , who is spending Christmas with his wife Dawn French at their lavish Georgian home near Windsor .sx But it's not likely to be a quiet affair .sx " I think this year I'm going to take charge of the turkey .sx But it could be a disaster , " he said .sx " When we had Christmas over in America last year , I cooked the turkey .sx .. and the oven caught fire .sx " .sx We're no fools !sx .sx " Hollywood is where the big careers are made " .sx By TONY PURNELL .sx ONLY fools or wild horses would drag Del Boy Trotter away from his latest venture - and if it goes to plan , life's going to be " cushty " for actor David Jason .sx David , star of BBC's Only Fools and Horses , has taken Del Boy to Miami for Christmas , and he's hoping the Yanks are going to make him several offers he can't refuse .sx The 51-year-old has his fingers crossed that the two-part transatlantic Only Fools special - called Miamy Twice - will lead to international stardom .sx Because , although he is the most bankable star on the box in Britain earning pounds300,000 a year , his name ain't worth a dime in the States .sx David said :sx " Hollywood is where international careers are made - look at a good old London boy like Michael Caine .sx " .sx But he's got a long way to go .sx " David Who ?sx Never heard of him , " said sun-bathing Sam Blumberg from Wisconsin on Miami Beach .sx THE Christmas special sees Del Boy and that plonker Rodney mistaken for mobsters while on holiday in Florida .sx Familiar faces from the US cop series Miami Vice were recruited as extras , and gave the comedy series , which has been top of the ratings over here for 10 years , the thumbs up .sx During a break in filming , David said :sx " The show has never been seen in the States , but when we showed a video of one to the American cast and crew they fell about .sx " .sx " We always thought there would be a problem with some of the slang , but language didn't prove a barrier .sx " .sx Nicholas Lyndhurst , who plays Rodders , chipped in :sx " We spent a while explaining 'git' , and expressions like Lovely Jubbly puzzled them !sx " .sx The pair hope that trotting across the Atlantic with Trotters Independent Trading Company will lead to the Americans snapping up all 53 programmes .sx Said David , who also stars in Yorkshire TV's The Darling Buds of May and their new cop series Jack Frost :sx " We hope they will take Del Boy and Rodney to their hearts , as the British have done .sx " As a career move it would be marvellous for me .sx It would be nice to move forwards and upwards - not backwards .sx " As it is , they don't know me from Adam in the States .sx I don't want to go over there and sit for a year just waiting for the phone to ring .sx " .sx He pointed out that TV stardom led to movie careers for the Yanks .sx " Look at Bruce Willis from Moonlighting and Taxi's Danny DeVito .sx If Only Fools was a success in the States it would make all the difference for me .sx " .sx Wise words .sx Out on the streets the pair caused disappointment everywhere .sx At Key Biscayne a buzz of excitement went around when locals were told an English TV comedy was being filmed .sx " Gee .sx Great .sx Is it Benny Hill ?sx " asked a guy at the gas station .sx Despite the generation gap , the pair agree about a lot of things - particularly the thrill of flying .sx David is a qualified glider pilot , and 30-year-old Nicholas has a private pilot's licence - and a wicked sense of humour .sx WHEN he had an afternoon off filming , he buzzed the skyscraper hotel where the rest of the Only Fools cast were filming .sx Recalled David :sx " The plonker decided to come round and waggle his wings , and forced us to interrupt filming .sx " When I heard the plane , I said :sx " If that's Nick , I'll break his legs .sx " Later I discovered to my horror that it was !sx " .sx They also both admit they have no intention of quitting the show .sx Producer Gareth Gwenlan added :sx " No one is going to say there will never be another one .sx " .sx Who dunnit ?sx NOT ME SAYS MAJOR , I WAS IN BED WITH A JEFFREY ARCHER .sx By HILARY KINGSLEY .sx TOP Tories are busy doing the dirty on their leader Margaret Thatcher .sx The Prime Minister is about to become Yesterday's Woman .sx History is being written .sx And where's John Major while all this is happening ?sx Gosh , there he is in bed in his true-blue Marks and Sparks pyjamas , with a specially-supplied early copy of the next Jeffrey Archer Thriller .sx He has toothache .sx Ahh !sx .sx Could anyone doubt his complete innocence in this political plot ?sx " Hmm , " says diplomatic Keith Drinkel , the actor who plays him with a special grey hairpiece and specs in Thatcher , The Final Days on Wednesday .sx " John Major was away from the centre of the action - having his wisdom teeth out .sx He waited for the right moment and you have to ask yourself " Why ?sx ". " .sx KEITH added :sx " He did not attend the resignation Cabinet meeting .sx In fact Mr Major was conspicuous by his absence .sx " I don't think he was overwhelmed at the way things turned out .sx But that's just my opinion .sx " .sx Granada TV's dramatised documentary carefully avoids opinions and guesses .sx It's painstakingly based on research , every coming and going , phonecall , nod and wink authenticated .sx Nothing has been included that couldn't be checked .sx Details such as the bracelet Mrs T. wore in that fatal Cabinet meeting , to the title of the book John Major read in bed - As the Crow Flies - are accurate .sx " But we didn't , of course , know what he might have said to his wife Norma , so we left it out , " said Keith .sx " And we didn't know whether he had teeth out on both sides of his mouth so we went for the most obvious side , the left , and I had my mouth padded out .sx " .sx This makes the sudden downfall of the Iron Lady - Sylvia Syms in a performance of Thatcherite force - all the more riveting .sx " We did joke that Sylvia was behaving like Mrs Thatcher to the rest of us at some stages , " said Keith .sx " But that's because she's such a brilliant actress and she was determined to get it absolutely right .sx " .sx Sylvia , a Labour Party supporter , was particularly proud of what she called " the cobra smile " that she developed for the part .sx But her portrayal is far removed from an impersonation .sx So is Keith's .sx " We weren't trying for Madam Tussaud looka - likes , we went for interpretations , " said Yorkshire-born Keith , 46 , best known for his long stint in Family At War and his many successes on the stage .sx SOME actors were too worried to portray living politicians , and refused .sx Bruce Alexander , who plays John Selwyn Gummer , got teased .sx But Keith had no qualms .sx " I watched news films of Major and listened to his voice for hours but I didn't try to copy his strangulated speech .sx I think that happens only when he's tense .sx " What's interesting is that he has changed .sx I suppose all politicians learn to play the media game .sx His voice has gone down and his clothes have altered .sx I believe he now goes to Acqua - scutum - as She does .sx " .sx Keith's background is in some ways similar to his character's .sx The Majors were once circus folk , the Drinkels had an Armed Forces entertainment show .sx Keith's dad was a stand-up comic , his mother was a tap dancer .sx Keith said :sx " I'm going to ask to buy the hairpiece and specs .sx Maybe I can open supermarkets as him and do John Major strippograms !sx " .sx London's Burning - OR IS IT ?sx EVEN THE PARROT'S STUFFED .sx By TONY PURNELL .sx THE flames lick the sky as the Blue Watch crew from Blackwall Fire Station answer another 999 call .sx The 14 million viewers who follow London's Burning become transfixed as their heroes brave the heat and smoke in another dramatic scene .sx But they could be in for a rude awakening .sx F or when Britain's favourite firefighters go to blazes , the flames are a sham .sx .. London isn't Burning .sx The actors are under strict instructions to aim their water hoses to miss .sx When the director shouts " Cut !sx " the flames are turned off at a tap .sx Just like that .sx Secrets of the hugely successful show are revealed in a behind-the-scenes documentary which pours cold water on the daredevil exploits of the stars .sx It is the special effects team and the stuntmen who emerge as the real heroes .sx Special effects co-ordinator Tom Harris says :sx " People say our fires look more realistic than the real thing but nothing burns .sx .sx " All our fires come from gas jets with totally controllable flames which can go up and down and on and off whenever we want them too sic !sx . When the director calls " Cut !sx " the flames go out .sx .sx OUR aim is to make everything as safe as possible , then make it look as dangerous as possible .sx .sx " But we don't take any risks .sx It is real flame and it is very hot .sx We make sure there are escape routes for the stuntmen - and we always have extinguishers and wet towels standing by just in case anything goes wrong .sx " .sx In the new series of London's Burning , Blue Watch tackle their most spectacular blaze - at a timber yard .sx It was filmed at a derelict factory in Cambridgeshire .sx The blaze , with big explosions controlled by a machine called a Woofer , was created with the help of 2,500ft of gas pipes letting out 10 tons of liquid petroleum gas .sx It was tackled with 11 appliances and 7,000ft of hose pumping out water at a rate of 2,500 gallons a minute - taken from a nearby lake because of a hosepipe ban !sx .sx But the water has to miss the flames to keep the spectacular special effects alive for the cameras .sx Other pumps belch out smoke to make sure there is smoke without fire .sx The firefighters being blown sky high in our exclusive pictures as a tanker explodes were acrobatic stuntmen - who did not even singe their eyebrows .sx The emergency calls , or " shouts " as they are called in the fire brigade , often put the stars in uncomfortable situations .sx When Glen Murphy was seen carrying out a rescue in a dirty sewer , clean water was pumped in for health reasons .sx