1 .sx Saturday 12th .sx Drove to the Geyser Hospital this morning to see Ursula's oncologist , by appointment .sx The Geyser is a huge medical citadel , much bigger and grander than St Joseph's , recently constructed in a curvilinear concrete and mirror glass on a site about ten miles outside Honolulu .sx Apparently it used to be situated down by the shore just outside Waikiki , next to the Marina , but a few years ago the site was sold to developers , the hospital demolished and a high-rise luxury hotel was constructed in its place .sx In fact the reception area of the new hospital is itself a bit like the lobby of a luxury hotel , carpeted and upholstered in tasteful tones of grey and mauve , with examples of Hawaiian folk art on the walls - an indication of how profitable the change of location was .sx Dr Gerson assures me that it also has all the state-of-the-art medical technology , but it must seem a long ambulance ride if you happen to be knocked down in Waikiki .sx Gerson admits to missing the view he used to have , from his old office , of the yachts going in and out of the marina .sx He is a keen windsurfer , and I should think he is good at it - he is lean , wiry , youngish .sx As he leafed through Ursula's file he tilted his swivel chair as far as it would go as if balancing a sailboard against the wind .sx His forearms , thrust from the short sleeves of his starched white tunic , were tanned and muscular , covered with fine gold hairs .sx He thanked me for coming to Honolulu - " Frankly , it makes my task easier if there's family around to take care of the practical problems in a case like this .sx " He was brisk , forthright and , I thought , a little cold .sx Perhaps you have to be in his line of medicine .sx The mortality rate of his patients must be pretty high .sx He confirmed what Ursula had told me about her condition :sx malignant melanoma with secondary cancers of the liver and spleen .sx " Caused by too much exposure to the sun , I'm afraid , in the days when the danger wasn't appreciated .sx People came here because of the climate and lay about in the sun all day .sx It was asking for trouble .sx I always wear a sunblock with a fifteen per cent protection factor when I go windsurfing .sx I advise you to do the same on the beach .sx " I said I doubted if I would have any time for sunbathing .sx Prognosis was difficult , he said , especially with elderly patients .sx His own estimate was that Ursula would live for about six months , but it could be more , or much less .sx The condition was incurable , " This type of cancer doesn't respond well to radiotherapy or chemotherapy .sx I offered them to Mrs Riddell because they can give some remission in certain cases , but she declined , and I respect that .sx She's a tough old lady , your aunt .sx She knows her own mind .sx " .sx When I criticized the accommodation she was in , he answered , as I knew he would , that she had insisted on the cheapest available .sx " But I agree with you , it's not appropriate for a patient in her condition , and will become even less so as time goes on .sx " He said there were several private nursing homes in and around Honolulu , costing anything from $3000 a month up , according to the type of care and degree of luxury they offer , and gave me a list compiled by the hospital's Nursing Coordinator .sx He explained that Ursula's medical plan covered her for something called Skilled Nursing Care , i.e. 24-hour attendance by registered nurses , such as you get in hospital , but not Intermediate Nursing Care , which is all she needs at present - or so he says .sx I deduced that there was a certain pressure on him not to admit patients to hospital lightly , since they then become a charge on the Geyser Foundation .sx I said I thought Ursula ought to be in hospital while I looked for a suitable nursing home , and pressed him to visit her .sx He said he was very busy , but when I told him how badly constipated she was , he agreed to try and call on her today .sx Drove back along the freeway to visit Daddy at St Joseph's .sx He is in some pain , and was fretful and surly .sx He turned his nose up to the pyjamas I had bought for him because they didn't button at the neck .sx I pointed out that in this climate you didn't need pyjamas that buttoned at the neck , and he said , " What about when I go home - or don't you think I'm ever going to get home ?sx " I told him not to be silly .sx I described my visit to Ursula yesterday , but he didn't seem very interested .sx Illness , I'm afraid , makes people even more selfish and ill-natured than they are normally .sx In all my time as a parish priest , visiting the sick in hospital and at home , I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of patients I met who 'rose above' their suffering .sx I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be one of that number myself .sx Daddy asked me if I had telephoned Tess to tell her about his accident .sx I said I thought it was pointless to worry her unless it was absolutely necessary .sx He was displeased and said she had a right to know , the whole family had a right to know .sx What he meant was that he had a right to know they were all worrying themselves sick on his behalf , and blaming me .sx He said slyly , " You are afraid of Tess , aren't you ?sx " .sx Touch e .sx On my way out , I met Daddy's physician , Dr Figuera , a cheerful , portly man of about sixty , who assured me that Daddy was making a good recovery , and that he didn't anticipate any complications .sx " Good bones , good bones , " he said .sx " Don't worry about him .sx He'll mend .sx " .sx Drove to Mrs Jones's .sx A white BMW with a sailboard on the roof-rack was parked outside , and proved to belong to Dr Gerson , who was just leaving as I arrived .sx We conferred in the street , through the open window of his car .sx His tanned , golden-haired arm was jack-knifed to grip the roof .sx " You were right to call me in , she's in bad shape , " he said .sx " I'm readmitting her to treat the constipation .sx That should give you a few days to fix up a nursing home , OK ?sx " I asked him when Ursula would be moved , and he said , " When can you bring her in ?sx " I pointed to my old Honda and said , " You mean , in that ?sx Can't she have an ambulance ?sx " He said , somewhat irritably , " You don't seem to realize I have to operate within certain financial constraints .sx I have to make a medical case for every ambulance I authorize .sx If your aunt can walk to the bathroom , she can walk to your car .sx " .sx I pointed out that the cast on her arm would make this difficult .sx " She can sit in the back .sx " .sx " It's a two-door car .sx She could never climb into the back .sx " .sx He sighed and said , " OK .sx You get your ambulance .sx " .sx I stayed with Ursula until the ambulance came , and helped her pack her few belongings .sx Mrs Jones , who had given me a very frigid reception at the front door , didn't come near us .sx " She thinks it's your fault that I'm being moved , " Ursula said .sx " Well , " I said , " she's right , " and we giggled conspiratorially .sx Ursula was delighted to be escaping from that dreary house .sx For the first time since I got to Hawaii - for the first time in a long while - I felt a glow of satisfaction at having achieved something , at having bent circumstances to my will , at having been of some use .sx Ursula has also been busy on her own account .sx She had Mrs Jones bring her a cordless phone , and made calls to her bank , her stockbroker and her lawyer .sx It seems that I must obtain power of attorney before I can consolidate her various bank accounts and sell her stocks and shares .sx Rereading that sentence , I sound like a man of business .sx In fact I have only the foggiest idea of what is entailed .sx I have never managed personal finances more complex than a current bank account and a Post Office Savings Book in my life .sx When I was parish priest of St Peter's and Paul's my curate Thomas did all the accounts .sx He had a head for figures , fortunately .sx I'm just about the least qualified person in the world to help Ursula settle her affairs .sx But I suppose I can learn , if only from Ursula .sx Perhaps she learned from Rick .sx It surprises me that she has any investments at all , good or bad .sx The Walshes never were any good at money .sx We don't understand its abstract workings - interest , inflation , depreciation .sx Money to us is cash :sx coin and banknotes , kept in jamjars and under mattresses , something necessary , coveted , but vaguely disreputable .sx Family gatherings - weddings , funerals , visits from or to relatives in Ireland - were always marked by people furtively pushing screwed-up , low-denomination bank-notes into each other's hands or pockets by way of presents .sx We never had enough money at home , and what we had was badly managed .sx Mummy would send one of the girls out to the shops every day , for little bits of this and that , instead of buying in bulk .sx Daddy never had any savings to speak of .sx I think he bet on horses secretly .sx Once , when I was still at school , I borrowed a raincoat of his and found a betting slip in the pocket .sx I never told anybody .sx The ambulance came at three .sx The men moved Ursula out in a wheelchair , which they carried down the front steps , and I brought up the rear with her little holdall .sx Mrs Jones put on an oily display of sympathetic concern for the benefit of the ambulancemen , patting Ursula's hand as she was carried over the threshold .sx The ambulance drove sedately and sirenless along the freeway to the Geyser , and I followed in my car .sx I took Ursula's belongings up to her ward , but did not linger .sx She is in a room with three other women , but the beds are placed in the middle of the floorspace at oblique angles , so that the occupants don't have to stare at each other across the room , as they do in a British hospital .sx Before I left I told Ursula about finding this writing book in her bureau , and asked her if I could have it .sx She said , " Of course , Bernard , take anything you like .sx All I have is yours for the asking .sx " She bought the book a long time ago to write down recipes in , but she had never used it and had forgotten all about it .sx Called in again at St Joseph's on my way home , and was pleasantly surprised to find Mrs Knoepflmacher sitting beside Daddy's bed , in a bright yellow muu-muu and gold sandals .sx (She seemed to have re-tinted her hair ash blonde to match - is that possible ?sx Perhaps she wears a wig .sx ) There was a small basket of fruit on the bedside table , gaudy and artificial-looking as millinery .sx I suppose I must have mentioned the name of the hospital to her yesterday evening , and she decided to visit Daddy .sx This was a kind gesture , even though Ursula would probably ascribe it to nosiness .sx I thanked her warmly and , after a few minutes of empty chat , she left us alone .sx " Begob , I thought she'd never go , " Daddy said .sx " I'm bursting .sx Will you tell the nurse I need a bottle , for the love of Jesus .sx They never answer when I press this thing .sx " He indicated the bell-push on his bedside table .sx I found a pretty Hawaiian nurse , who brought him a bottle and drew the curtains round his bed , and I hung about a little self-consciously outside the screen while he relieved himself .sx The nurse returned and carried off the bottle .sx " A nice thing to be doing at my time of life , " he said bitterly .sx " Pissing into a bottle and handing it to a strange black woman , wrapped in a towel like it was vintage champagne .sx