He feared he was , but picked up the pieces and dropped them in the grate , he and the others watching as they twisted in the heat .sx Then he put on his jacket under their silence and walked out of the house , only Harry calling for him to come back and burn some more .sx THIRTY-FIVE .sx An invisible blade of frosty coal smoke from trains and house chimneys cut familiarly at his nostrils as he strode along wanting to damn them all yet knowing that , even so , there was no guarantee of them vanishing this side of hell or heaven , and they would be there when he got back .sx He drew his collar up and went along Glasshouse Street .sx At the Central Market wartime business was slack , a few handcarts forlorn along the pavement , and a couple of tall soldiers in purple berets buying at a fruit stall .sx The same thoroughfare became Broad Street ( not broad enough ) and Stoney Street ( merely cobbled ) ; house doors opening onto pavements , and children playing warily , shouts drowning the flick of marbles before they dropped into winning holes .sx Among lace workshops and warehouses vans were collecting camouflage netting or parachute material .sx Every place worked night and day , women and girls keeping the machines going .sx Hosiery firms turned out uniforms to clothe the serviceman in all climates .sx Raleigh made shellcases by the million .sx John Player produced tobacco and fags so that everyone could have a puff in a tight corner , or relaxing drag in a pub .sx Boots' concocted medicines for dosing the wounded and ailing .sx Cammell Lairds made artillery .sx Tanks were assembled at Chilwell .sx Something definitely hush-hush went on at Ruddington Moor .sx Ericssons did telephones and wireless sets .sx Scores of other factories were subcontracting for bigger firms , the whole city and environs labouring flat-out to help win the war .sx Nobody was idle , from fourteen-year-olds to men and women in their seventies .sx Not since the last big do had there been such scope , and he wondered why everyone couldn't be so employed in peacetime .sx They might occasionally moan at not having much to buy with their hard-gained pay packets , but there were fairer shares of food which hadn't been possible till then .sx Pubs had beer , picture houses did top trade , and there was a wireless in nearly every house so that they could even listen to Lord Haw-Haw if they cared to .sx The country wouldn't go back to what it had been like before , and that was a fact .sx Broadway was a short throughway of redbricked factories with their grand entrances up steps , looms busy behind rows of tall windows , sky visible only on bending backwards to see a four-engined plane flying across .sx A young boy pushing a handcart of planks brushed his shin .sx " You want somebody walking in front of you waving a red flag , " Leonard called out merrily enough .sx " Bollocks !sx " - a flash of pale and lively face as his barrow rattled at a greater rate over the cobbles .sx " I'll put your bollocks where your batchy head should be .sx " Leonard , half into a run , struck air with his fists :sx " You cheeky little bastard !sx " .sx A girl walking by , with a pinched face and hands deep in overall pockets , looked as if he was ready for a straitjacket .sx He lowered his hands , thinking he could well be , face heated with shame , turmoil , chagrin , fierce heartbeats saying he might be about to bend over the gutter and throw his stomach up .sx He quietened such unwarrantable rage , thinking that if he didn't teach the kid manners , someone surely would .sx Youngsters were like that because they worked hard and earned money .sx Every evening they came home exhausted out of the factories , joshing in the streets before the twenty-mile bus ride home .sx Up at six in the morning , they caught the bus again , rather than work in the colliery at the end of their garden .sx He walked the slippery cobbles wondering where he was going and why , but only heading as far as the next turning , which was the same with Life , because you could never see beyond the limits of your sight , while only God , if such he was , was able to view the pattern from above .sx He had a home to go to but couldn't stop walking , waited for an old man on a bike to pass before crossing the road .sx He didn't know whether he loved Sophie , but you lived with a woman for better or worse , and worse was better than nothing if you loved her and didn't want her to leave .sx Looking back , she had fallen into his bed so quickly he hadn't known her for what she was .sx The only way they could be intimate nowadays was for him to imagine she was someone else .sx He couldn't put up with her going off with other men , though he didn't know how to end it unless to hang himself .sx But he was too tenacious of life , or too cowardly , or too aware that such an act might make certain people happy , or an equal number unhappy , and he didn't see why he should disturb either sort to that extent .sx And above all , to do such a thing would be the worst sin he could think of .sx A few years ago such calculating thoughts had been no part of his nature .sx It was surely a matter of know thyself , in which case you must make the effort to do so more and more , otherwise you ended up at the mercy of those who thought they knew you better than you did yourself , and there was no fate worse than that .sx THIRTY-SIX .sx From a bomb-blasted gap in the houses he looked at a train ploughing boisterously through the marshalling yards under a rudder of smoke , lines of carriages and wagons as if in a shop window of toys before the war .sx On the edge of the city a power station threw up cloths of steam .sx The town closed you in , though maybe there was a better life in the wooded hills beyond .sx A few feet apart , decrepit fa c-cedille ades had curtains across their windows , the glass cracked , brown paint bubbled , putty broken , since there was nothing to sell .sx He walked down a stepped footway to a street of bombed houses :sx destruction brought change , though people were killed who had done nothing to deserve it .sx On Long Row , women made-up to the nines ( some so young you would think they were still at school ) strolled up and down calling at any man or soldier going by .sx One even had a toddler with her , and Leonard couldn't think why .sx He made a bridgehead at the counter of Yates's Wine Lodge .sx " I'd know that thirsty voice anywhere , " Albert said .sx " Even if it was in the middle of The Hallelujah Chorus .sx " .sx " Why aren't you on your allotment digging for victory ?sx " He opened his jacket , at the heat from so many people .sx " It's just the right raw day for it .sx " .sx " You can't get the spade in - and if you do it weighs half a ton .sx Mind you , it's lovely to see all them fat worms wriggling about .sx " .sx " You could do a bit of fishing .sx " .sx Albert detected that something wasn't right , while pressing tobacco into his pipe .sx " Life treating you well , Leonard ?sx " .sx " I'm in the pink .sx Never felt better .sx " .sx " Well , that's all right , then .sx Mind you , I have thought of a bit of fishing .sx My youngest lad's just been called up , so I might take his tackle out and see if I can't pull a few tiddlers out of the Trent .sx They say it's good by the power station , but I reckon there's too many at it .sx People are bleddy locusts these days .sx You'd think it was the Siege of Mafeking .sx " He drew a long suck of his pint .sx " Last September me and the missis thought we would go blackberrying .sx She remembered a lovely spot from years ago near Beeston .sx Used to get her bloomers caught in the brambles , I expect , when she was courting the bloke she packed in to take up with me .sx But there wasn't a blackberry to be seen .sx We ended up with six green 'uns in the bottom of a tin , hands all scratched to boggery .sx So no jam , even supposing we could get the sugar to make it .sx It's the same with mushrooms .sx And the wild rabbits have all been eaten .sx They'd start on the moggies if they weren't all skin and bone .sx Still , they feed the lads in the army , so my lot are all right .sx I've got three serving now .sx 'This is going to be the war to end wars , Dad,' my eldest said , 'not like the one you pansied about in last time .sx ' I nearly knocked his block off , except he's bigger than me .sx And now my only daughter's hopped it as well , into the Land Army .sx A glorified muckraker , I told her .sx She nearly chucked the teapot at me .sx " .sx Leonard called for another .sx " The house must seem a bit empty .sx " .sx " Seem ?sx Me and Gwen rattle around like French pennies in a gas meter .sx Whenever she wants to shout at me I'm not there .sx Mind you , when I want to give her a kiss , she is .sx We might take a couple of lodgers , and make a bob or two .sx It'd be company .sx No use getting a smaller house , either , because my mob'll be back when they've won the war .sx " .sx " If you aren't careful , " Leonard said , " you'll get some soldiers billeted on you .sx " .sx " Not likely .sx If the Council people come snooping I'll grab a few kids off the street and chuck'em in the beds .sx God knows , there's enough around our way , and most of 'em don't know who their fathers are .sx One or two darkies , as well .sx " .sx " How many rooms have you got empty , then ?sx " .sx Albert laughed .sx " You want one ?sx " .sx He wondered , for a moment .sx " Have the next jar on me .sx " .sx " I thought you was serious for a minute .sx I've got two , if you know anybody respectable .sx That'll leave one for when my lot comes on leave , and if they all show their clocks at the same time they can fight for it .sx They would , too .sx They're demons when they're together .sx Yes , I will have another .sx I like the ale in this place .sx Even Gwen don't mind me coming here , though I think she'd like it a lot less if she saw all these tarts .sx " .sx Leonard felt better with a couple of pints in him .sx " Where do they go when they pick somebody up ?sx " .sx Handsome ebullient Americans filled the place with their accents .sx Albert joked :sx " I didn't think you was like that , " and saw his mistake .sx " Well , I suppose they take 'em home .sx The parents don't care these days , being partial to some Yankee fags or a tin of their posh snap .sx Or there's all them bed-and-breakfast places up Mansfield Road .sx Six-and-a-tanner a night , or so I heard .sx " .sx Leonard walked tall and upright towards home , mended somewhat at knowing he had a few pounds in his Post Office book and could lodge with Albert while looking for a place - if he had to .sx THIRTY-SEVEN .sx Sophie was in the scullery cooking dinner .sx " I thought you was never going to come back .sx " .sx He was jovial .sx " You missed me ?sx " .sx " I always do , you know that .sx " .sx He kissed her .sx " That's good news .sx " .sx " It didn't come from The Daily Liar , either .sx " .sx " I'm glad you say so .sx " .sx She smiled .sx " It wouldn't pay me to believe anything else , would it ?sx " .sx He hung his scarf on the back of the door .sx " Wouldn't it ?sx " .sx Sophie was two women , but he lived with one at a time , and the one he didn't like could not be turned out of the house without taking the half he was in love with , which he was sure loved him .sx Because of this she made him feel he was two different men , and if he was , neither of them could manage the part of her that he could not endure .sx She stood up from the oven .sx When she stayed home she cooked , and looked after things , so what more did he want ?sx