Younger Chaps .sx There was another colour slide , a companion to the one of me as a tearaway on the beach at Westward Ho .sx This one was of Edward in baggy shorts and funny hat and I had taken it .sx There had been no nonsense with a timer ; we had taken pictures of each other .sx On the evening I returned from my visit to the Bungalow , after I had thanked Lynn for looking after him , I brought him downstairs to sit before the fire as usual .sx I placed the slide in the viewer , and held it up to his right eye , which is stronger , I think , than his left .sx I gave him a little time to take in that first slide , then I showed him the one of me .sx I'm not sure what I expected , or if I expected anything at all .sx Just as well really , since what I got were the words " Blue Grass " several times , and a gesture indicating that he was thirsty .sx After I'd made him a milky drink , I tried to explain to him why I'd shown him the colour slides .sx " Mother was in Scotland , do you remember , looking after a sick great-aunt , who , it was thought , might bequeath her a few hundred pounds .sx In the end she got a silver-plated tea service with thistles all over it .sx " Then I waited , watching him use the good side of his mouth to sip at the drinking chocolate .sx I lied a moment ago .sx I had expected something .sx I'd expected him either to look at me properly or to turn his head completely away from me .sx But neither happened .sx Instead he continued to look into the fire and sip his drink .sx I waited for this turn of the head for about three minutes before going on .sx What's an extra three minutes after almost thirty years ?sx " You were never happy behind the counter , were you ?sx Panicked by mental arithmetic , always forgetting what pepole had asked for .sx When mother was there , your role was to fetch and carry , chat to the customers , and see off any unwelcome travellers .sx You always used to say that mother was the brains and you the brawn , with a modicum of public relations thrown in .sx What happened to personal relations , dad ?sx " .sx From where I was sitting , I could just see his eyes , see the fire reflected in them , could , if I'd wanted to , have imagined a reaction and made of it whatever I wanted to make .sx Only somehow I didn't feel like playing both parts any more .sx " Ten-year-olds aren't supposed to sell stamps , fill out official forms , or stand behind a counter all day paying out large sums of money , but no one reported us to the NSPCC or reminded us of the Child Labour Laws .sx Then , one morning , you woke me up at the usual time , only you hadn't taken in the post or swept out the shop , because a Miss Johnson had arrived to take over as our holiday relief .sx " When I got downstairs , you were reading a road map , and our suitcases were packed .sx The idea of us taking a holiday without mother had never occurred to me .sx Nor to you , until that morning .sx But I'd noticed how uncomfortable you'd looked standing beside me behind the counter , watching the customers watch me do all the adding and subtracting , while the jokes about my possible future as a Chancellor of the Exchequer wore thinner and thinner .sx " Nothing had been booked , and it was high summer .sx You didn't care , you said ; if we had to , we could always sleep in the car .sx And you didn't telephone mother to let her know what we were up to until we reached Barnstaple .sx When you came off the phone , you were all smiles .sx You said , 'We were in luck .sx She was busy , so we got away with just leaving a message .sx ' .sx " For a whole week , it was as if you were a different person , almost as though you were happy for the first time in your life , and you have no idea how good that made me feel .sx We sang all the way in the car , driving down .sx We'd sit in pub gardens , with you wearing a handkerchief on your head tied with knots at the corners , and you'd talk to me , telling me things about your own childhood I'd never heard , and using phrases I've never forgotten .sx 'Innocent as a new-laid egg , and no more chance of escape than a sheep being driven to the butcher's back premises' - that was you being dragged to school on your first day .sx " You told me about your travels to find work between the wars , cycling from one job prospect to another , with your only suit rolled up in your saddle-bag .sx The common lodging houses you stayed in , where fleas came up from the bottom of the bed and everyone had to get threepennyworth of Blue Unction , a strong ointment of mercury , to smear around their ankles , to hold back the mid-night invasion - lodging houses where , to save on heating , they only opened the windows once a year in March to let out those staggering and bloated fleas .sx " You told me about the time you were a drug pusher in Bilston , working as an assistant in a chemist's shop , selling people four ha'porth of laudanum to tide them over the Bank Holiday .sx About the regulars , old women who looked like pollarded oaks , you said , old women who claimed to have everything wrong with them but who lingered year after year and finally fell from sheer decay .sx You told me about the grubby pencilled notes handed over the counter by urchin children - 2d Grossmith Face powder , 2d Parma Violets ( in a bottle ) and 1d Carmine .sx 'Somebody's going out tonight to earn next week's rent .sx ' .sx " I remember the names of the people you talked about , the 'characters' who were your customers , some of them opium addicts , others just heavily constipated drudges .sx The cobbler , Mr Bullworthy ; Ira Bodfish , the tinker ; Shem Allit , the wheelwright ; Noah Cooknell , Myrtle Amos , Ronald Blythman .sx You told me how much jalap , aloes , and hiera picra ( called 'hirapike' by the customers ) , all in penny and twopenny packets .sx How on market day they stood along the counter three deep , waiting for their purgatives .sx You would sell Epsom or Glauber Salts , bicarbonate of soda , cream of tartar , tartaric acid , linseed oil , turpentine , pickle spice , turmeric , vinegar and methylated spirits , all to the one customer .sx You were lucky if you got ten minutes to grab a sandwich or dash to the toilet yourself .sx You said , 'Best purgative in the world is a war .sx Nothing like it to unblock the system .sx ' .sx " You'd strike up conversations with complete strangers on that holiday , and then , with an arm over my shoulders and hugging me to you , you'd tell them , 'This is my son .sx We're on the loose,' and you'd giggle .sx We laughed a lot that week .sx I suppose it was the feeling that we were doing something secret and slightly wicked .sx Hence my tearaway expression in the slide I just showed you .sx I felt important , wanted , almost needed .sx You'd ask my opinion about things , and really listen to my answers .sx " Every ride I went on at the fun fair , you came on it with me .sx By then you'd won a cowboy hat on a side stall , and you wore that .sx 'You younger chaps' became your new favourite phrase .sx 'In my day , younger chaps like yourself would always have run out of funds by now .sx The bank's open , if you'd like to apply for a non-returnable , interest-free loan .sx ' .sx " We'd found a twin-bedded room overlooking the sea in a small hotel .sx We got up early and , tired and sunburned , we went to bed early and just lay there talking until we fell asleep .sx Every night I was given a goodnight kiss , and then you'd lie on your back , looking up at the ceiling and just talk , while I listened and watched you .sx " You told me about the men you'd known in the army , described them in detail so I could visualize them .sx Before that holiday , I'd never known you describe people so vividly .sx 'Len came from Tyneside .sx Short feller , red haired - that blond red - had a funny-shaped mole on his hip , just here,' and you pointed to where the mole had been , remembering Len and involving me .sx That was what I had always wanted , to be involved with you .sx 'If he did anything wrong , he'd claim he'd been so poor in Civvy Street that his brains had leaked through a hole in his boots .sx Or he'd say he'd been born stupid , and had greatly increased his birthright , and then he'd just stand there , grinning at you like something from the Funny Farm .sx ' You remembered so much of what it had been like - the closeness of the other men , the friendships and grievances , the skiving off and the fear .sx You said , 'Then there was Bill , hell of a big man , six foot four , covered from head to toe in thick glossy hair like a Grizzly , and stammered something chronic whenever the Sergeant went near him .sx It was another world , the only world as far as we were concerned .sx If we thought about home it upset us , and being upset brought everyone else down , so what would have been the point of that ?sx We had to try to live as though that was our home , a different kind of home , as though we were a large family - brothers , cousins - husbands and wives sometimes .sx We were thrown together too close in some ways .sx That's what happens when you don't know if your time on earth is going to be limited or not .sx You take what you can get to make some kind , any kind , of contact .sx Human beings adapt in the most extraordinary ways , you know , to crisis .sx And if that crisis goes on for years , it's hard for them to recollect what they were like before .sx I would have done almost anything then to improve my chances of staying alive .sx ' .sx " I wanted to ask why you never wrote to the men you'd known in the army , why you never tried to see any of them , but for some reason I didn't ask .sx Perhaps I sensed that the reason was there in what you'd told me , and that some day I'd know what that reason was .sx " Every morning I was asked , 'What shall we younger chaps do today ?sx Come on !sx I didn't spend four years fighting Corporal Turner's smelly feet so you could lie in bed like Lady Muck .sx ' .sx " We found a conch shell in a junk shop .sx 'Probably from the West Indies,' you said , 'never been near a British beach .sx Never mind , we'll take it to remind us of the fun we had getting to know each other .sx ' And we sat side by side on the shingle of the beach at Westward Ho , passing that conch from one to the other , trying to hear in its depths the far-away West Indian sea , while the real sea was just in front of us , sucking up the pebbles and spewing them out again , drowning the sound in the conch shell altogether .sx " It was the best time of my life .sx I was the happiest I've ever been .sx " When the week ended , we came back here , but almost before we'd reached home the closeness we'd achieved on holiday had gone , as though it would have been embarrassing and out of place in front of your wife , my mother ; she'd not been pleased at our going off without her .sx And a few days later I overheard you telling her that it hadn't been much fun .sx Poor food and lumpy beds .sx You told her .sx 'Not much of a holiday for me,' you said , 'having to keep the lad occupied .sx You know how difficult it is to amuse him .sx But he'd worked hard in the shop , and I felt I had to do something .sx ' .sx " I was ten years old then .sx It was another ten years before I realized why you'd found it necessary to say that about our holiday , ten years of very mixed feelings .sx