Christine Mc Neill .sx The Lesson .sx A tap on the letter slot .sx .sx He hangs his leather jacket up in the hall .sx She makes a gesture towards the front room .sx He follows , sits down on the sofa .sx She insisted on the direct method .sx Introducing the vocabulary , repeating each word three times , pausing , if necessary standing up and performing a mime .sx Purpose of wanting to learn German ?sx To take up an army post in Heidelberg .sx She smiled , and said :sx " Der Vater .sx The V pronounced like an F. " .sx She listened to his creative endeavours :sx " Der Vater geht .sx .. " - The father goes .sx .. " Der Vater wohnt .sx .. " - The father lives .sx .. " Sehr gut , " she complimented him .sx Then nodded at his pages of script .sx " Der Vater ist tot .sx " She leant back .sx Enjoying his struggle in trying to grasp the last word .sx " Tot .sx " She let her head go slack .sx Then drew a large black cross on a piece of paper .sx Her own father , Herr Johann Genz , had been an ordinary bank clerk , belonging to an ordinary political group in Vienna .sx She was a child , when one day the neighbours told her :sx " Your father has been hanged !sx " .sx At night she imagined it .sx That rope attached to the bedroom curtain .sx Moving towards the shadow cast by the chair near her bed .sx The weave was thick and methodical .sx Above her bed it went limp , then looped itself .sx " Der Vater ist tot .sx " In the morning , the rope hung again at the side of the curtain .sx " Ah .sx " Eagerly he consigned the word tot to his memory .sx She watched him .sx Remembering 1947 .sx Next door lived a friend by the name of Karl .sx She , Miri , in those days , used to give him half her bread .sx .sx One day , after the defeat of the Austrian and German army , a Russian had come to her mother's flat .sx He had returned the following day with a giant loaf .sx Her mother and she had shared it , and offered some to Karl's mother .sx But Karl's mother had refected it , and also told Kark not to take any .sx Why , she'd asked .sx Karl had looked at the ground .sx Then he had said :sx " There is a rumour that your mother didn't get the bread just for allowing the Russian to wash his hands .sx " .sx " He was so grateful , " she'd said .sx Karl had looked at her with fierce eyes .sx " Miri , he was a Russian !sx One can't let an enemy into one's home .sx All the other tenants were mad about it .sx " .sx " They didn't say anything .sx " .sx " They were mad at your mother .sx " .sx " Mother didn't tell me .sx " .sx " Then I will tell you :sx my mother said your mother didn't get the bread just for the water .sx " .sx " What do you mean ?sx " .sx " My mother said your mother took her clothes off .sx " .sx " Took her clothes off ?sx I don't understand .sx " .sx " She was naked !sx " .sx " Why ?sx " .sx " Ask your mother .sx " .sx The student looked at her , expectant for the next word .sx " Mutter , she said .sx " The u pronounced like the English double o. " .sx She rather liked him .sx She asked him to stand up .sx She wanted him to look in the mirror and describe his appearance .sx Gossip .sx People talked , telling a story over and over , and by the time it had traversed three or four months , a Rabelaisian story came out .sx " You didn't take your clothes off for him ?sx " .sx " Of course not , " her mother said .sx " Then why do people say it ?sx " .sx " They say it because they do not trust us .sx " .sx " That's no reason to tell lies .sx " .sx Her mother had brushed breadcrumbs from the table .sx " People tell lies , when they're afraid of their own truth .sx " .sx " Verstehen Sie ?sx " .sx The student nodded .sx She thought of her husband Joe .sx United States .sx An executive family had advertised for a nanny in an Austrian newspaper .sx She'd met Joe , dainty moustache and holed jeans , in a downtown bar .sx Rockaby days and Big Nothings .sx Joe liked living with foreign women who spoke English as though it were an heroic language .sx Sunday morning lying in bed , they crossed possibilities via complicated silences .sx " Will you marry me ?sx " she asked .sx He moved his arm towards the wall .sx Shadow-played .sx A cat , a rabbit .sx " Yes , " he said .sx A simple wedding .sx Two witnesses off the street , and a registrar loudly proclaiming the sanctity of children , church , kitchen .sx The following morning .sx Joe had got out of bed , and straight to the bread-pin .sx It was empty .sx " A nightmare , " she'd explained .sx " I got up while you were sleeping and ate the last slice .sx " .sx " Damn !sx " Joe had stamped his foot , and she , still in her dressing-gown , had grapped the purse and rushed out to the delicatessen .sx The man behind the counter had reached to the bottom shelf and brought out a white loaf .sx She had pinched it with her thumb and forefinger .sx " It's stale , " she'd said .sx The man had looket at her with murder in his eyes , and started talking about love thy neighbour and thou shall and shall not .sx " Do you realise , " she told Joe afterwards , " that people are mad here ?sx " .sx " Ich möchte Tee und Brot .sx " .sx Miracle - a mistake-free sentence .sx She encouraged him to an ingenious touch :sx he must surely be capable of linking butter with bread and thus form the compound noun " Butterbrot " .sx She brushed the edge of her right hand along her outstretched left palm .sx He looked puzzled .sx She repeated the movement , then realised that it was rather inadequate since it would only elicit the verb 'to spread' which was not what she wanted .sx Nonetheless , tenderly , he raised his hand , and let it come down on his left palm .sx She remembered his wish to become a sergeant .sx Right , left , under cover !sx Advance into position A-D-Zero !sx .sx That day Joe was called up for service in Vietnam .sx The cheers , the waves , the noisy " Bon Voyage !sx " .sx Months later searching the tree , the grass , the sky .sx " Remember the snow , honey ?sx " Joe's hand had zigzagged across the crumpled page .sx " In this place the blind lead the blind , and some blow their heads off .sx " .sx No military honours for a coward who had gone insane .sx ( Joe , love - remember the United States stars , coming out all huge and dazzling , and falling , one by one , into your hands ?sx ) .sx He had chosen a day of pouring rain , the commanding officer told her .sx Shot his brains out while everyone had breakfast .sx ( If you can call it breakfast with mosquitoes doing the work of surgeons .sx ) .sx Joe , my love , the snowflakes fell on the sidewalk .sx I opened my mouth .sx I tilted my head back .sx The slivers of snow fell on my tongue .sx A man with a fur collar stepped in front of me .sx I heard him say that underneath the snow the grass was green , and how about it , doll ?sx I threw my head back .sx The snowflakes fell deeper into my throat .sx Was it Israel you mentioned once , where burying the dead would have been a useful job ?sx My coat slipped to the ground .sx The last time .sx Calling the lesson 'personal assessment' .sx She moved the chair closer to his sofa and looked into his eyes .sx .sx Journey into the past .sx In particular his opinion of it .sx It transpired that it was neither strong nor clear .sx The latter due to the fact that even after several lessons his command of the language was still limited .sx She montioned him to kneel .sx Seeing herself reflected in his pupils , she launched into a symbolic tale .sx Two beggars standing at opposite ends of a long road .sx She mimicked her part by getting up , hunching her shoulders and using the ash-tray as a bowl of alms .sx She asked him to do the same , but he declined .sx She closed her eyes , and stepped towards him .sx " Bitte !sx " - please .sx Her knees trembled .sx At convent school the priest's mellow thumb had drawn the ash-cross on her forehead .sx " Your name , child ?sx " She'd clenched her fist .sx " Miriam .sx " " That is a Jewish name .sx What faith has your father ?sx " She'd breathed deeply .sx " Jewish .sx But my mother is a Catholic .sx " .sx The priest had stared at her .sx So she'd pinched his purple sleeve , remembering that in his sermon he'd said that purple was the colour of mercy .sx But he'd wrenched himself free .sx " Let's go child !sx God will punish you .sx " .sx Golden tabernacle .sx Her hand at the altar-rail , falling .sx She'd thought of the world's mysteries .sx God , the ocean , those sparrows caught in brilliant sunlight behind the stained glass window .sx The church was dynamically still , as all the children got up to receive absolution .sx In the name of the Father , the Son , and the - " Tot !sx " She'd screamed .sx Wiping the ash-cross from her forehead , and raising her fist in the air - " Er ist tot !sx " " .sx She opened her eyes .sx Where the student had been kneeling , there was only the carpet .sx Twenty past two .sx He has never been this late .sx She paces the room .sx Suddenly , footsteps .sx At her door they pause .sx She listens for the familiar tap on the letter-slot .sx It happens .sx Then there is a second tap .sx With a start she realises the slot has been lifted and , with the minimum of noese , been pushed back into place .sx The footsteps recede , hurriedly , down the stairs .sx On the mat she finds a sheet ripped from a note-pad .sx It begins with " I " and ends with his name - " Jamie" .sx She stares at the words in between .sx " .sx .. won't be able to continue with the lessons any longer , but do appreciate your trouble .sx " .sx In the kitchen there are fuchsias in a window-box .sx They have not been pruned for years , and climb , in conquest of that elusive sun .sx What can she expect ?sx He knows the genders and the four cases , and is now able to read the captions to nude pictures in German magazines .sx His " Ich verstehe " - " I understand " was just a clinical response .sx She lifts the lid of the breadbin .sx A last slice .sx She butters it and cuts it into 'soldiers' .sx The view beyond the fuchsias is of a grey drainpipe .sx She thinks of a rope , the word 'hanged' swinging between past and present .sx Britain , where things are civilised .sx With the edge of her right hand she brushes dead blossoms into her left palm .sx On her ageing skin they reveal their inner voice , while staying purely external .sx Christine McNeill .sx High Risk Tenement .sx Mary McCabe .sx Top Right :sx Original panelling , brass handles which still turn , dented snibs which still snib .sx To the right , the kitchen , black range with gas taps , press with plates , swan-necked wooden sink .sx Curtained bed-recess .sx To the left , the room .sx Floral yellow wallpaper , worn red mat .sx Recess with Jenny's wardrobe .sx Above the dressing table , china ducks fly towards the bow window ; opposite is the fifties' fawn fireplace with the coal-effect electric fire .sx Near the window is a built-in display cabinet with willow-pattern plates , Delft china clogs , a Dresden dancer .sx At the window Jenny peered over the wire curtain rail .sx " Here she comes , Miss O'Flaherty , back from the chapel .sx Whit's this she's oan ?sx Pair sowel , I doot she's got it oot a jumble sale .sx Aw thon prayin - whit's she goat tae show fur it ?sx .sx .. An here's Fanny Allen , decked oot like a Christmas tree , skirt half up her backside .sx Yet another fancy man .sx Dirty dog .sx Honest tae God , whit a wey tae bring up lassies .sx " .sx " There's the Pakistanis pittin up their shutters already .sx Used tae be open aw hoors .sx Doot they're gettin lazy an Scottified .sx Wantin their telly at night like everybody else .sx " .sx One up , Right :sx Plate steel on the door , shutters on the windows .sx Darkness in the air and rubble on the floor .sx The patches of streetlighting that pass through the holes in the shutters show graffiti on the walls of the ruined front room .sx In the kitchen , a hole where the range was now houses rustling nests .sx The shelves are out of the press , and in the recess are sticky crisp packets .sx Top Left :sx Kitchen units in avocado , stainless steel sink , lowered ceiling with polystyrene tiles .sx Black vinyl suite , lamps with metal shades .sx In the recess , yellow formica table and chairs .sx Cassette recorder blaring .sx " Gonny you shut up that racket ?sx " said Michelle .sx " Ah've goat French words tae learn fur the morra .sx " .sx " Efter 'Simple Minds' , " moaned Michelle .sx She's goat tae ask me aw thae words .sx " .sx The front door opened and closed .sx The kitchen door opened and a strange man looked in .sx