Something like that .sx How else can I explain how my heart still leaped ( though a trifle wearily ) in response to this long-suspect look ?sx This time it's going to be all right , I found myself thinking , my evidence-defying mechanisms springing into automatic action , so that I found myself responding as if for the first time ever to this doomed euphoria .sx " If I bring it off- and I will bring it off , I know I will- it'll be the biggest scoop of the season .sx How long .sx .. ?sx As long as it takes , is all I can tell you .sx I'm sorry , Clare , I'd tell you more if I could , but .sx .. well .sx .. there's top-level stuff involved .sx Just don't ask me about it .sx " .sx I hadn't asked him about it , actually ; I'm not such a fool , but I knew he liked to feel as if I had , so I didn't argue .sx I didn't argue about anything , in fact , during that final day or two- not even the fact that we should have started for the airport a good hour earlier than we did , to allow for the hold-up of traffic .sx Edwin loved starting late for things , working himself up , cursing the lumbering lines of vehicles ahead , hurling shafts of vindictive will-power at the traffic lights which only resulted ( it seems to me ) in making the green one red .sx He loved the sense of battling through , of getting there by the skin of his teeth- my teeth on this occasion , since I was the one driving- and then , once at the airport , he would create a tight cocoon of urgency around him , pushing through queues , grabbing at luggage-trolleys , barking questions at passing airline staff , glaring suspiciously at announcement boards , checking them against his watch , and finally racing and pushing to beat the Last Call to Gate Something-or-other .sx He loved the feeling of having just made it , of having come off best in a battle with Time itself ; of having caught the plane just before it managed to take off without him .sx A tycoonish , film star kind of a feeling , I suppose .sx Of course , these days , more often than not , the ploy was frustrated by the plane being two or three hours late :sx and difficult though it may be for any of us to get through these frustrating hours , it is even more difficult to hurry through them , which is what Edwin was always trying to do .sx Can you wonder , then , that I was almost dancing towards the car park after seeing him off ?sx Singing , too , as I wove my way among the snarls of traffic in blessed solitude- singing in my heart , and even aloud occasionally , as the sheer joy of Edwin not being there overcame me .sx Not there now , and not for days and days to come- a fortnight at least , from the look of things .sx A whole fortnight of not being nagged and criticised ; of being able to do the hoovering without complaints about the bloody noise ; of being able to not do the hoovering without remarks about crumbs on the carpet and the place looking like a pigsty !sx .sx And Jason , too , able to come and go at will , to bring friends in or not bring friends in .sx .. to invite them to stay for a meal .sx .. to stay overnight .sx .. to play records up in his room .sx .. to laugh loudly at silly jokes on the radio .sx .. to come out with off-the-cuff opinions about the Common Market or the ozone layer .sx .. And me ?sx I was going to have a once-in-a-lifetime holiday from endlessly pouring oil on eternally troubled waters .sx What bliss !sx .sx That was all I thought , in those first euphoric hours :sx what bliss !sx .sx It was hard to believe , but the whole thing had taken little more than a week , from Edwin's departure at the airport to the dramatic news bulletins :sx first of his capture along with his two companions , then of his release .sx It had been a strange week .sx Where there should have been emotions , there had been phone calls , interviews and news bulletins .sx Did you know that there are seventy news programmes a day , if you add the radio and all the TV channels together ?sx And on top of this , I seemed to spend a lot of time agreeing bemusedly with well-wishers who kept telling me that it would be all right in the end .sx And how right they were .sx Well , depending on what you mean by 'all right' , of course .sx Anyway , Edwin was now on his way home , safe and sound after his ordeal .sx He would be here , all being well , some time tomorrow .sx One last evening of peace .sx I tried not to think of it that way , I really did .sx But what can you do ?sx Anyway , there could be no harm in treating the occasion as a festive one .sx We lit candles , we brought in cider , we invited in a couple of Jason's closest friends ; and whether what we were celebrating was Dad's miraculous escape , or our last evening of freedom , who could say ?sx Who need say ?sx Anyway , I remember the occasion with peculiar vividness partly because it was such fun , and partly because of the slightly disconcerting phone call that come in the middle of it .sx It came about nine o'clock , just as the boys were spreading greasy cartons from the Indian takeaway all over the kitchen table , their recently broken voices ricocheting from wall to wall , and setting the very crockery on the dresser ringing .sx The mounting din was music in my ears ; the sheer joy of not having got shut them up was coursing through my veins like wine .sx " What ?sx " I shouted into the receiver , " Excuse me , hang on a moment , I must go to the other phone .sx .. " .sx And so it was in the relative quiet of the sitting-room that I took the call , well out of hearing of Jason and his friends .sx Naturally , during the last few hours since the good news broke , we had been getting numerous congratulatory calls , and , picking up the phone , I was assuming that this was another one :sx but it wasn't .sx At first , I didn't recognise the voice , and it was several moments before I realised that the person I was talking to was Hank Armour , assistant editor of International Focus , the paper destined to be the recipient of Edwin's 'biggest scoop of the season' .sx He sounded bothered rather than congratulatory .sx Had Edwin arrived home yet ?sx Had he phoned me from anywhere ?sx Had I had any further news ?sx No , and no , and no , I had to say .sx The only news I'd had was the same as he'd presumably had , from radio and television .sx Still , such as it was , I summarised it as best I could :sx how Edwin and the two other journalists with him on the trip had been ambushed on a rough desert road and had been taken into captivity by an as yet unnamed group of terrorists , no ransom had been demanded , and the motive for the kidnapping was as yet unclear .sx Police were examining the abandoned jeep for clues .sx .. I could hear the man's boredom and impatience right down the length of the wire .sx Well , naturally , these bare facts were just as well known to him as to me , and indeed to half the world by now ; so I changed tack , and began to ask him a few questions .sx Did he know where Edwin was right now ?sx Had he had any sort of report from him yet ?sx " Yes .sx .. That's the trouble , really , Mrs Wakefield .sx We have had a report .sx .. he was phoning it from Stuttgart , so he said .sx .. " .sx " Why 'so he said' ?sx " I demanded ; but the answer was evasive ; and something in the man's tone warned me not to press the matter .sx You see , I am always very careful not ever to say anything that might queer Edwin's pitch- Edwin's pitches so often proving so sadly queerable- and thus , after a few meaningless pleasantries , the conversation was allowed to grind to a halt .sx Looking back , I realise that this abortive and unsatisfactory exchange should have left me feeling more uneasy than it did .sx But at the time my mind was elsewhere .sx How far away is Stuttgart , I was asking myself ?sx Jolly close , I expect , by air .sx Everywhere is jolly close nowadays .sx Soon , no one will be able to get away from anyone else at all , ever .sx Thank God Hotol is still only on the drawing-board , otherwise Edwin might be here within twenty minutes , with the boys still creating this hell of a racket and the smell of the Indian takeaway permeating the entire house .sx Edwin can't bear takeaways , and he hates them even more when he's not eating them himself than when he is .sx " Yes , well , I'll let you know if I hear anything , " I said , scribbling down the number that was being dictated to me .sx " Yes , I'll tell him as soon as he arrives .sx .. Yes , of course .sx .. Yes , I'm sure he will .sx .. Yes , thank you so much .sx .. Goodbye .sx .. " .sx Jason received the news appropriately though slightly off-handedly .sx " Great .sx " I think was what he said , and his friends echoed the sentiment with hurried politeness- they were all longing to get back to the much more enthralling topic which had been raising such gales of laughter when I came into the kitchen .sx Anyway , we poured another round of cider , all the mugs were filled to the brim , and soon the decibels were satisfactorily rising again , making a good recovery from my interruption .sx There were several more phone calls , of course , as the evening went on , all of them congratulatory .sx " Yes , isn't it thrilling !sx " I kept saying , and " Yes , I'm sure he'd love you to ring .sx " .sx He would , too .sx Normally , Edwin hates the telephone ; he can't see why people should imagine they have the right to interrupt his work- or his cup of tea or his newspaper or whatever- just whenever they choose ; but he won't mind being rung up to be told how marvellous he is , of that I feel sure .sx It was past midnight when the last call came .sx Jason and his two friends had gone to bed- they were both staying the night , their last chance to do so for goodness knows how long- and I was wandering around downstairs , vaguely tidying up and putting things to rights .sx Really I prefer to leave this sort of chore for the morning , but that 'just in case' feeling was upon me , and I knew I wouldn't sleep until the worst of it was coped with .sx " Hullo ?sx " I said , a little perfunctorily , I fear ; I'd already said it so many times , you see , the " Yes , isn't it thrilling !sx " bit .sx " Hullo , Clare Wakefield speaking .sx .. " .sx The voice was strange to me :sx young , eager , and with a quality of lightness which was instantly endearing .sx " Oh , Mrs Wakefield- or may I call you Clare ?sx I feel we know each other so well already , though of course we don't , if you see what I mean .sx " .sx I didn't see , but it seemed best not to interrupt .sx You know how it is with people who ring up and don't give their names :sx if you interrupt to ask who they are , they may be mortally offended , having assumed that they were among your nearest and dearest and you would recognize their voices anywhere .sx However , if you lie low and let them run on , light usually dawns :sx sooner or later they will mention Uncle Robert , or the mix-up at the tennis-club lunch , and you will know where you are .sx " Thanks goodness I've got you at last !sx " the voice continued .sx " Your line's been engaged the entire evening .sx .. I was getting quite frantic !sx That is to say , my mother-in-law was .sx .. still is , actually , she's making wild signs to me ( It's all right , Mother !sx I've got her !sx Yes- I told you- it's her !sx ) Listen , Clare , I'm sorry to be ringing so late , but like I told you .sx .. Besides , I guess you're too excited to go to bed anyway , I know I would be .sx It's marvellous news , isn't it , about your husband ?sx Just super !sx I'm really thrilled for you .sx