Nothing left .sx Not a trace .sx Like poor Tommy .sx " .sx " Tommy was overweight , hot-tempered , impulsive .sx He smoked too much .sx " .sx " So do you .sx " .sx " He was a wheeler-dealer , always on the go .sx " .sx " That's another thing .sx " She let go my hand and quickened her pace .sx " Those deals you did with Tommy , " she said .sx Her head was down and her face was turned away .sx " He cut me in out of the kindness of his heart .sx Because he knew things were tough and he wanted to help us .sx " .sx " They weren't straight , were they ?sx " .sx " If they weren't , he never told me .sx I suppose it depends how you define straight .sx " .sx " Don't give me double-talk , Joe .sx The man's dead .sx " .sx " I don't know the answer .sx I never asked .sx " .sx She stopped in her tracks and turned to me .sx She was crying but her face was stiff with anger .sx " You've no right to be so bloody simple-minded .sx No right at all .sx Why did you never ask ?sx " .sx " I couldn't afford to , " I said .sx Two policemen were walking up the hill towards us .sx When they came abreast of us they paused and looked at her enquiringly .sx She shook her head at them and went on crying .sx " You're such a loser , Joe .sx You and the quick buck .sx " .sx I took her hand and squeezed it hard .sx " It's all right , darling .sx I loved the guy , too .sx He was my friend as well as yours .sx " .sx She took her hand away .sx " That's not an answer .sx " .sx " You're not being fair .sx You already know the bloody answer .sx It's not easy to make a living as a photographer and I'm not David Bailey .sx What more do you want me to say ?sx That he felt sorry for me ?sx Tommy helped me out from time to time because he was fond of us , fond of us both .sx I may not have asked enough questions but you chose to pretend it wasn't happening .sx " .sx She walked on , head down , saying nothing .sx " Remember his wedding present ?sx " I asked .sx " A dinner service , a Royal Doulton dinner service from Harrods .sx Of course I remember .sx We've been eating off it ever since .sx " .sx " That was the easy part .sx The real present was the little slum property near Paddington .sx Don't you remember that ?sx A twenty-five-year lease he'd picked up for four thousand quid .sx 'Go shares with me in it , Joe,' he said .sx 'You won't regret it .sx ' Two years later we were told the area was being torn down to make room for the Westway .sx When the compulsory purchase order came Tommy took us to the Ritz to celebrate .sx You were there .sx How can you forget ?sx " .sx " You never told me what was going on .sx " .sx " What should I have told you ?sx That he knew the planning officer and the guy who did the official valuations ?sx That's what we've been eating off ever since .sx " .sx She shook her head .sx " That was between you and him .sx I never asked about that stuff .sx " .sx " That makes two of us then .sx " .sx We walked to her studio without exchanging another word .sx When I left her all she said was , " We should have had him to dinner more often .sx " .sx TOMMY and his deals .sx The edges of the studio were full of shadows .sx In the middle was a circle of hard light , glaring , like the light in the dusty street outside .sx A skinny youth sat on the edge of the bed , naked except for his Y-fronts , knobbly hands hanging loose between his knees .sx The ring of spotlights picked out the blemishes on his skin , the curling straggly hairs on his chest , a question-mark scar on his shoulder .sx " A small favour , " Tommy had said .sx " A few hours of your time .sx Plus some of that professional know-how .sx " .sx " Jut tell me what you want .sx " .sx " I'm setting this up for a pal , you understand .sx For someone I do business with .sx It's a one-off job .sx " .sx " The favours you've done for me , how could I refuse ?sx " .sx " That's what worries me .sx It's not your style , Joe .sx Not mine either .sx But I owe the guy .sx " .sx " Never apologise , never explain .sx You owe him , I owe you .sx " .sx " You're going to be on location in Tunisia next month , " Tommy said .sx " I can fix a studio for you there , no problem .sx That way there's no awkward questions from the wife .sx You go in , you take the pictures , you catch the next plane out and no one's any the wiser .sx " .sx " Don't worry about it .sx Anything to help you out .sx " .sx " I don't want to take advantage .sx " .sx There were two girls , both young .sx One was oriental , broad-faced , maybe Korean , but with features so delicate as hardly to be features at all .sx Tiny breasts , slim hips , a body smoothed down like a pebble in a stream .sx The other was American , blonde-haired , blue-eyed , small-town innocent .sx The oriental girl was precise and matter-of-fact , doing a job she'd been paid for .sx The American was vague , drifting , high on something that seemed to transform what was happening into a delicious secret joke .sx " My name's Helen , " she said .sx " I launch ships .sx " .sx She laughed when the youth took off his Y-fronts and she saw the disproportionate size of his member .sx A young laugh , a ripple of freshness in the heat and glare .sx " Gee willikins .sx " .sx I moved around the bed photographing tangled limbs , busy mouths , slippery private parts .sx They stopped when I told them to stop , combined , recombined , stopped again , as though this were nothing more involving than grandmother's footsteps .sx There was a fridgeful of beer in the corner and they drank between takes .sx The oriental girl wiped her mouth with the back of her hand , but delicately , as if this were the proper thing to do , something she'd been taught .sx The American put the glistening can between her breasts , shivered and giggled .sx The heat from the lights and the heat from the violent Tunisian sun outside made them sweat more than the sexual acrobatics .sx It produced light effects I didn't like and I made them towel themselves down every few minutes .sx I photographed them in all the possible combinations :sx in pairs , as a trio , alone .sx Seven sets of pictures in the clinging heat .sx When it was over the girls disappeared , the rest of us sat around drinking beer , our T-shirts soaked with sweat .sx Outside a wind had got up and the air was gritty with blown sand .sx When I got back to the hotel , I took a long bath and ate on my own in the pretentious restaurant downstairs .sx I wanted to get home to Judy but a sand-storm was blowing the next day and the flights were delayed .sx I told myself it was a favour to a friend , a clinical operation , curiously unrousing , not much different from the advertising shots I'd been taking on location .sx A young girl on a beach , jeans and no top .sx The same attention to light and composition and physical detail .sx Pornography by any other name .sx But secretly , I was afraid .sx Afraid it would catch up on me , afraid I'd set some obscure machinery in motion that would destroy my marriage , afraid Judy would find out .sx I put it down to native guilt , something in the genes that had no bearing on the world out there .sx Even so , a veil came down between Judy and myself .sx We had always made a point of not intruding on each other .sx It was part of our intimacy .sx She had her work , I had mine and we took it on trust that neither of us had anything to hide in our separate lives .sx All that changed after Tunis .sx I became sly for no reason at all .sx I kept things hidden and explained myself unnecessarily .sx Before Tunis , we used to joke about the models .sx I pretended to be more attracted to them than I was , she pretended to be jealous .sx It was a way of flattering each other , of adding an edge to our love-making .sx Now I avoided mentioning them .sx I fussed over Judy , bought her flowers , watched for signs of irritation or discontent , ready to placate , smooth over , make good .sx Only Tommy and I knew about the pornographic pictures and neither of us was saying , yet I was convinced word would get out .sx After Tunis , the windfalls from Tommy increased .sx Not immediately or in frequency but in size .sx After Tunis , too , I stopped seeing Tommy as regularly as I had .sx I resented him for having asked me to do the job as much as I disliked myself for having done it .sx A sneaky resentment , based on collusion .sx Understanding the company he kept put the other deals in context .sx But I needed the money .sx THE sky was darkening steadily and by the time I reached Chalk Farm station the rain was bucketing down again .sx My studio is the first floor of a decrepit building in Soho which is bound to be torn down in the next burst of urban renewal .sx The front room is spacious and well proportioned , with a high ceiling and long windows .sx Once upon a time it was a pretty Victorian drawing-room , now it is jammed with my gear :sx aluminium boxes full of cameras and lenses , arc lights , transformers , coils of cable , movable panels , rolls of paper and coloured materials , a big table heaped with odds and ends that also doubles as my desk .sx Across the landing is a smaller room I use as a dark room .sx Once upon a time I had a secretary , a witty and depressed woman with a fine line in gallows humour , but she got replaced by a word processor .sx A black joke she appreciated .sx These days I have an assistant when I'm working but between jobs I make do with an answering machine .sx The loneliness of the late 20th century :sx machines may cost less but they're not very companionable .sx There were two messages waiting for me on the answering machine :sx one from my agent , the other from Inspector Rogers of Scotland Yard .sx Inspector Rogers was very polite .sx We understand you were a friend of the deceased .sx No doubt you've heard there were certain irregularities , a suspected break-in .sx Perhaps we could ask you a few questions .sx Of course , it must be very upsetting for you .sx A matter of routine , you understand .sx Explore every avenue .sx No , it would be easier , I think , if we came to you .sx As you say , Mr Constantine , no time like the present .sx I wandered round the studio clearing away the bits and pieces that seem to accumulate on my chairs and sofa without any apparent help from me .sx Then I thought , Fuck it , and phoned Helen Donovan .sx An American voice , young-sounding but tired .sx Not one I recognised but the telephone does funny things .sx I explained I was an old friend of Tommy .sx I told her about the letter .sx " He asked me to keep an eye on you .sx " .sx " An eye .sx That's rich .sx " .sx Tommy and his troublesome women .sx He worked on his erotic life like he worked on his business deals , each one a battle , a new challenge , a potential source of glory .sx No wonder his heart gave out .sx " Are you all right ?sx Do you need anything ?sx " .sx " I feel lousy , if you want to know .sx How else am I supposed to feel ?sx I also feel pissed-off .sx Like he's left me in the lurch .sx " .sx There was reggae music in the background , syncopated percussion , a girl's voice singing , " Tonight , tonight is the night of all nights .sx " .sx " It's rotten for all of us .sx He was my oldest friend .sx " .sx The music ended .sx A cheerful voice said , " The next request is from Edith Valentine of Bexley Heath .sx " .sx " Don't get me wrong , " Helen said .sx " It's just that I don't know what I'm going to do without him .sx " .sx She sounded young enough to be my daughter .sx Tommy should have stuck to women nearer his own age .sx I don't need this , I thought .sx " I'm terribly sorry .sx Maybe I can help in some way .sx " .sx " Help ?sx Is that what you do when someone dies ?sx " .sx " At least I could buy you a drink .sx " .sx " Why not ?sx Tommy talked about you .sx A drink to our mutual friend .sx It'd be nice to see a sympathetic face .sx " .sx We arrangd to meet at the Museum Tavern at 5.45. " I'm tallish , middle-aged , not much hair .sx