" June wasn't really ill .sx She thought she was .sx Her death was very unexpected .sx " .sx " So it had to be a great shock to Gemma .sx I'm not surprised she's having problems .sx A child of five doesn't always understand the meaning of death .sx " .sx Nicholas leaned forward and looked into her eyes .sx " Did you feel she's disturbed ?sx " he asked earnestly .sx Tansy's heart fluttered as she replied .sx " She acted a little strangely over the photograph .sx Impossible to know how deep it goes unless I talk to her again .sx It may just be a simple misunderstanding on her part .sx " .sx " Will you come here to see her ?sx " .sx The temptation to agree was strong .sx " I don't think that would be advisable- at least , not at the beginning .sx I have all the necessary equipment and materials at the hospital .sx It's not just a matter of talking , you see , not with children .sx You have to gain their confidence , let them play , and talk to you as they play .sx They don't understand their feelings when they're very young -they can't put them into words .sx The way they play tells you a lot .sx " .sx " I do understand , " said Nicholas .sx " I'm a paediatrician .sx When can you see her ?sx " .sx Tansy hesitated .sx " I wish you'd asked Dan Rice first .sx Oh , don't get me wrong , I'm quite happy to do it .sx But if I find she needs more sessions with me , I think I ought to tell him what I'm doing .sx You do see that ?sx " .sx " Naturally .sx I suppose he'll want it all made official .sx " .sx " He may .sx Would you agree to that ?sx " .sx " I hoped to avoid her problem being put on hospital records , " Nicholas confessed .sx " Perhaps I ought to have a word with Dan myself .sx " .sx " He may wonder why you didn't approach him in the first place .sx After all , he is the chief , " said Tansy .sx " And if I say I think it needs a woman's touch ?sx " He grinned , and she found herself smiling back .sx " I hope he'll believe you !sx " .sx " So when can you see her ?sx " .sx " The only time I can give her tomorrow is four-thirty -a cancellation .sx " .sx Nicholas looked anxious .sx " Tomorrow- Thursday .sx I'm not sure .sx Beth could bring her , but she has an evening class at six , so she won't be able to stay .sx I don't suppose- " He cast her an appealing glance , and she knew whatever he was going to ask , she would be unable to refuse him .sx " Could Gemma stay with you until I arrive ?sx If you have a later patient , could she play somewhere , in another room ?sx " .sx Another room .sx For a brief moment Tansy saw herself in another room , a small white room with dark green curtains .sx She was standing at the window that looked out on to a park where children played on the swings and slides and roundabouts , while their mothers watched indulgently .sx The door behind her had opened , and she knew it was time .sx And she was afraid to turn round , afraid she'd lose control .sx .. " Perhaps one of the nurses would keep an eye on her ?sx " Nicholas was saying .sx She jerked back to reality , to the beautiful beige and gold room , with the heavy velvet curtains .sx " Oh , there'll be no need for that , " she assured him .sx " She'll be my last patient .sx I'll keep her with me until you arrive .sx We can play games .sx " .sx " She likes you , " said Nicholas , smiling .sx " She's a child .sx I'd like to help her .sx " .sx Nicholas rose and moved towards her .sx Catching her breath , she stood and straightened her skirt .sx " I think I'd better go now , if you don't mind .sx " .sx Tansy passed a weary hand across her brow and closed the last file .sx Caroline Porter , a nine-year-old with severe anxiety , had timidly waved from the doorway , her first gesture of friendliness , and Tansy had felt quite buoyed up inside .sx But it was taking such a long time , even with Hattie's help .sx She glanced at the clock on the wall .sx Four-forty .sx She'd kept Gemma waiting .sx She'd tried to keep to her allotted time , but Mrs Porter , an over-anxious mother herself , had insisted on telling Tansy in great detail Caroline's last three dreams .sx Tansy had dreamed too , last night .sx And in her dream , too , the strangest things had happened .sx First she had been in the room with green curtains with Rod , then Nicholas had come in with a girl dressed as a bride , but she couldn't see her face because of the thick white veil .sx Then Nicholas had changed into Rod , and even her mother had been there , on the arm of Daniel Rice .sx And as the curtains had changed to gold velvet , Rod had called her and she'd woken up .sx Totally confusing , and obviously a result of what had happened the evening before .sx Nicholas had driven her home and , as she had reached to open the car door , he had turned her towards him and kissed her again .sx Not a deep , passionate kiss like the one earlier , but a soft , tender kiss that barely brushed her lips , yet left her feeling even more disturbed than before .sx " Thank you , " he had said softly , touching her cheek with his finger .sx Tansy was glad he couldn't see her expression in the dark .sx " Thank you -for the lovely meal .sx " .sx " I'm sorry if my behaviour wasn't up to scratch .sx " .sx She stared at him , but his face was in shadow .sx Was he smiling ?sx " You don't have to apologise .sx " She spike stiffly .sx She didn't want him referring to the incident .sx She had meant to be resolute , not show her feelings .sx She would rather forget it .sx " But I do .sx I invited you for a meal - " .sx " A consultation .sx " Her retort was spontaneous .sx " You're very prickly about it , aren't you ?sx Won't you let me explain ?sx " .sx She reached across again to the door-handle , but again he turned her to face him , and his grip was strong on her arms .sx " I thought you had .sx " .sx He didn't answer for a moment .sx " Don't you like me , Tansy ?sx " .sx " I -of course I like you .sx Look , we've been through all this before .sx This evening was arranged so I could see Gemma - " .sx " Partly .sx " His hand rested on hers .sx It was warm and somehow comforting .sx " But mostly because I wanted to know you better .sx There's something strange about you , Tansy .sx You only seem to come alive when you're discussing your work .sx " .sx " I don't think - " .sx His strong fingers grasped hers .sx " The rest of the time , you seem to shut people out .sx Why ?sx " .sx Tansy laughed shakily .sx " I think you're imagining things .sx If I shut people out I wouldn't have come to your house tonight .sx " .sx " You've turned down everyone else .sx " .sx She gasped .sx " You've been prying into my private life !sx How dare you ?sx " She wrenched herself away from him .sx " No , I haven't , Tansy .sx You know what hospitals are like -the grapevine .sx You're quite new , so naturally everyone talks about you for a while , tries to find out what makes you tick .sx It'll die down .sx " .sx " And what do they say about me ?sx " She spoke through tight lips .sx " I don't think it's important .sx I don't believe them , anyway .sx Not after the way you kissed me - " .sx " Excuse me !sx " she retorted .sx " It was you who did the kissing .sx Now , if you don't mind , I have things to do before I go to bed .sx " .sx Nicholas gave a long dramatic sigh .sx " All right .sx I'm sorry you feel like this .sx If it's just a professional relationship you want , then it's a pity , because I shan't give up .sx If you insist on putting up barriers , I can't promise I shan't try to break them down .sx It's up to you now .sx " .sx He started up the car .sx Tansy sat very still .sx " Goodnight , Tansy .sx See you tomorrow when I collect Gemma .sx " .sx She couldn't help feeling like a naughty schoolgirl , called to see the Head .sx She climbed out of the car .sx " Goodnight .sx " But Nicholas was already moving away .sx A small shiver of anticipation ran through her as she watched his car disappear .sx Up to her now .sx He'd stated his intentions ; she's tried to state hers .sx But they weren't quite as clear-cut as that .sx She felt a bit like Jekyll and Hyde .sx Yet she was still determined to deny that other side of her .sx And suddenly it made her feel sad .sx Sighing , because tonight could have been something really good , if she'd let it , she unlocked the front door and let herself into the house .sx And now , in spite of trying not to think about Nicholas , her pulses were racing because in about an hour he would be coming to collect Gemma .sx She pressed the buzzer on her desk .sx Soon Beth and Gemma would be coming through the door .sx At last she would see what Beth looked like , the legendary Beth who seemed to be a genius at everything .sx The door opened , and Pamela came in , holding the hand of a solemn-faced Gemma .sx Tansy must have looked surprised , because the receptionist explained , " Dr Vernon brought her -said her name's Gemma .sx He asked me to keep an eye on her until you were ready .sx Something about a change of plan -he said you'd know what that meant .sx I must say , she's been very good , haven't you ?sx " .sx But Gemma was staring at Tansy with astonishment .sx " Dr Tansy !sx " she exclaimed .sx " You came to see me last night !sx " .sx " That's right , " said Tansy , " I did .sx " .sx " Is she a patient ?sx " asked Pamela curiously .sx " Dr Vernon didn't say anything , just left her here .sx " .sx " Er -not really .sx I'm -sort of -babysitting for an hour or so .sx " .sx Pamela stared at her , then at Gemma .sx " Of course !sx I thought I'd seen her before .sx At the Spring F e-circ te , wasn't it ?sx She's Dr Vernon's little girl , isn't she ?sx When I saw her I said to Elizabeth , is this another of Dr Tansy's children ?sx I haven't seen her before .sx Then Elizabeth said she thought she looked familiar , and I sort of remembered , then .sx I thought she was a patient , but when Dr Vernon didn't say anything I just assumed you'd be sure to know about it , probably made out the notes yourself - " .sx " What did you say , Pamela ?sx To Elizabeth ?sx " Tansy interrupted .sx " What ?sx Oh -Dr Tansy's children !sx That's what we call them , your patients .sx Tansy's children .sx They all love you so much .sx They never want to leave you .sx " .sx " I see .sx " Tansy's voice was sharp .sx " Well , you'd better go back , in case - " .sx " Caroline was last , Dr Blair .sx If you remember , Darren James cancelled -rehearsal for a school play .sx That's why I thought Gemma had come , to fill the cancellation - " .sx " I'm just looking after her for a while .sx Thank you , Pamela .sx " .sx " Yes , I see .sx Look , I'm sorry , Dr Blair , if I offended you , calling your patients Tansy's children .sx I didn't mean to be familiar , but we all call them that , it's a compliment , really - " .sx " Yes , you're right .sx " Tansy realised she was being oversensitive , and smiled at the young receptionist .sx " I'll take Gemma now .sx " .sx Pamela patted the child on the head and went back to clear up the office .sx Tansy took Gemma's hand .sx It felt soft and trusting .sx " Am I a patient ?sx " Gemma asked , as Tansy closed the door behind them .sx " What makes you ask that ?sx " Tansy was unsure of what Nicholas had told his daughter .sx " Well , this is a hospital , and when people go to see doctors it's because they're ill , so they're patients .sx Daddy told me that .sx " .sx " But you're not ill , are you ?sx " Tansy crossed to a small table where there was a pile of modelling clay .sx Gemma followed her .sx " I was sick on my birthday because I ate too much trifle , " said Gemma seriously .sx Tansy smiled .sx " I'm sure you're better now .sx " .sx " Mummy wasn't ill , but she came here to see doctors .sx Was it because they were friends , like you ?sx " .sx " Am I your friend ?sx " asked Tansy gently .sx " Daddy said so .sx " .sx Tansy felt a warm glow inside .sx Nicholas's friend .sx Or should she take it literally , as Gemma had stated it -Gemma's friend ?sx Either way , it felt nice .sx " Your mummy wasn't ill , yet she came to see someone here ?sx " she probed gently .sx " Who did she come to see ?sx " .sx " Dr Whittaker .sx And Dr Spencer .sx " .sx Tansy digested this carefully .sx Al Whittaker was a neurologist .sx Flora Spencer was a psychiatrist .sx