" Well , it hasn't expanded since we last saw it , " he replied laconically .sx " Why did you decide to go ahead ?sx " .sx " There is room , I discovered , to add an extension later on if need be , " he told me , handing me a bunch of keys .sx Like most of Father's unexpected surprises , in which the gift was of such value , after the initial pleasure experienced a moment of awful let-down , as if the pleasure was suddenly buried under the weight of obligation .sx But it didn't last long .sx " Well , what are we waiting for ?sx " I said and , with a whoop of joy , jumped out of the car and rushed towards the front door of my new home .sx As I went from room to room , I was filled with a rush of such spontaneous happiness , I felt like hugging Father .sx Losing all my inhibitions I ran into the crooked drawing room to find him - and then quickly recovered myself .sx He was standing stiffly in the centre of the room , like a surveyor , a thoughtful expression on his face .sx " Theoretically another floor could be added without much problem , " he said , gazing up at the skylight .sx " I reckon it's perfect , " I said .sx As I stood there in the shaft of sunlight that poured through the skylight , I felt within a turmoil of such conflicting emotions that for a moment I could not speak .sx It was a mixture of gratitude , laced with obligation and resentment .sx Then I shrugged these feelings away .sx The same had been given to Richard after all , and no doubt William would do just as well as soon as he was back from America .sx And this was what I'd always wanted after all - something I could call my own .sx I moved into Palace Mews a fortnight later , ecstatic with life and the way things were turning out for me .sx It was only when things started to go wrong soon afterwards that I was able to distinguish between what I had so proudly gained on the one hand and irrevocably lost on the other .sx 21 I started working for Bayer Associates at the beginning of September .sx Each morning I would walk through Green Park to the office from Palace Mews , returning in the evening as it was getting dark .sx The job was a mixed blessing , mindlessly dull on the one hand and way above my head on the other .sx In spite of my good results at Cambridge , I was far from understanding the more practical aspects of business .sx What had seemed logical on paper was often difficult to apply and days passed when , sitting at my desk , baffled by some new problem , I wondered what I was doing , and why the hell I was doing it in the first place .sx Thrust into a quantitative environment , when I had learnt how to be qualitative , I began to struggle .sx I was also paying dearly for having crammed at Cambridge .sx It may have got me through some of the vital exams , but it was information I had not retained and could now have used .sx On top of that , the consultants and managers at Bayers were extraordinarily bright .sx Like an elite set of boffins , they moved in mysterious ways - I tried to put on a good face , but I was beating my head against the wall .sx Having been so adept at catching on to strategies , management policies , facts and figures at Cambridge , now it was as if a thick white veil had curtained off my brain and I was working through a fog .sx It was a miserable introduction to business .sx And then , when I'd only been there a month , I learnt that Bayer Associates had tried to sell a case to the Aston Group - which was no doubt what had induced them to hire me in the first place .sx It was a bit of a shock .sx For just as a doctor's job is to try to cure a sick patient , diagnose an illness or suggest a preventive measure , so our job was to help a sick company , offer financial guidance to keep a company thriving , or just generally boost sales .sx The thought that Bayer Associates had tried to nose their way into the affairs of the Aston Group made me feel as if I was lying in the examining room of the outpatients in a large hospital .sx It was some comfort to know that the Aston group had turned down the case .sx Then one good thing happened .sx Geoffrey Meridith joined Bayers , as another research associate .sx Up until then I had no friends in the office .sx The consultants moved on another intellectual plane that seemed to have little to do with everyday life - future Einsteins with stained shirts and brains like computers .sx Geoffrey Meridith was to bring a breath of fresh air into the office .sx Just out of Oxford , his enthusiasm for the work was enviable .sx I could see he was going to go far in business .sx We spent some of our lunch hours together and on the days we worked late , sought out unusual restaurants that served Sechuan , Indonesian , Thai , Greek or whatever food took our fancy .sx Geoffrey was a great lover of food .sx He was , however , a different breed of 'foodie' from Father , but all the same he was one of those types who has developed such a demanding and sensitive palate they appear to go to any length for a sprig of mint to put on a salad or a rare and exotic fruit to garnish a dish .sx We combed the city for unusual cheeses and meat and came to know all the foreign delicatessens in London .sx We went to Beak Street market for melons and fruits , to Camisa for cheeses and fresh pasta , Partridge's for quail's eggs .sx With Geoffrey it was a form of eccentricity as well as the joy of discovery , whereas for Father it was the search for perfection .sx Through Geoffrey I met a new crowd of people , and started seeing a girl called Janet Winters .sx She had a degree in history and was on a permanent job search .sx I did wonder briefly what Father's view on historians were and decided probably not good .sx He was totally present and future oriented .sx He had no time to consult the past .sx But , as it happened , we never got to the stage of inviting one another home as the relationship began to peter out after a couple of months .sx She was good-looking in a wild sort of way , highly intelligent and was always rushing around after me with something she had just cooked or a beer , my cigarettes , an ashtray .sx She washed up , cleaned the house on the days the cleaning woman didn't come and was quite the most considerate person I'd ever met .sx I couldn't understand why I wasn't besotted with her , why I always felt so half-hearted about my relationships .sx It was as if my lack of motivation had spread to every area of my life .sx I couldn't seem to get enthusiastic about anything or anyone .sx But gradually , working at Bayers became easier , and with Geoffrey there almost enjoyable .sx I started going out more , visiting the art galleries or the theatre and spending the odd weekend away with Janet , driving to Stratford-upon-Avon , or to Woodstock to stay at the Bear Inn .sx One day , close to Christmas , when I was feeling carefree again , I bumped into Elizabeth after another long silence and had a nasty shock .sx London , in a festive mood , was lit up with Christmas lights .sx Regent Street blazed with colour and the tree outside the Dorchester had been strung with hundreds of yellow bulbs .sx Even a light snow fell appropriately and people filled the pubs as if warming up for a feast .sx I had already done my Christmas shopping and was having a last look just in case any of the latest gimmicks should appeal to me .sx I had left Janet in Selfridges , dithering over a glass case full of earrings , and was glad to be alone .sx I had bought a baby blue Stilton for Father , a foie gras for Geoffrey , some medical books Harry had asked for and a beautiful model of an old Dakota for Richard .sx For William there was a Mont Blanc pen which I had sent some weeks ago along with a card containing a cryptic message about his writing career , and I had some contingency presents from a joke shop just in case I received an unexpected gift from somebody .sx I had crossed Elizabeth off the list of people I was buying presents for as I didn't know where she was and even Theo couldn't throw any light on her whereabouts .sx I had rung him a couple of times , but he had sounded vague and on the second occasion slightly put out .sx Perhaps he wanted nothing more to do with her , for which , if this was the case , I could hardly blame him .sx That afternoon I walked the length of the King's Road , ending up in World's End near the Club , where there were a couple of dusty antique shops .sx By the time I had finished browsing , it was dark and bitterly cold .sx I saw a couple of giraffe women striding elegantly along the King's Road , shrouded in fur , and for the first time in ages my thoughts turned to Elizabeth .sx Where was she ?sx I wondered .sx What would she be doing for Christmas , short of spending vast amounts of somebody else's money and causing all sorts of dramas ?sx I had no plans for the evening , as Janet had suddenly announced she was going home for the weekend .sx Not wanting to return to an empty house I decided I would find somewhere to eat and have an early supper .sx That was the joy of being alone .sx You could eat dinner at five o'clock in the afternoon if you felt like it .sx I remembered Geoffrey had mentioned a good curry house in Fulham , so after collecting the jeep I took a left down Sydney Street , towards the Fulham Road .sx I left the jeep illegally parked down a side street , then began to walk in the direction of Fulham Broadway .sx I passed several interesting restaurants on the way , where people queued outside , in spite of the cold .sx One of them looked particularly inviting - it had tall money plants in the windows and looked as busy and hectic as a French brasserie .sx I stood and read the menu for a while , discovering it served mainly hamburgers .sx Each time the door opened a rush of warm air and music came out with the people and a man with an earring stood and shouted .sx " Table for a party of three .sx .. " Deciding it wasn't worth queuing in the cold for a hamburger , I turned to leave , then stopped dead in my tracks .sx There , sitting in the window seat - her favourite position - was Elizabeth .sx I stared in shock , for it was Elizabeth and yet it couldn't be .sx Nobody had hair like hers .sx It was her .sx But what had happened to her face .sx ..? With a beating heart I pushed open the door , ignoring the man who was saying , " I said party of " , and went inside .sx She was sitting with a man who had greasy , pitted skin and was speaking to her intensely .sx I stood where I was for a moment , unable to approach them .sx Watching the scene , it seemed to me that Elizabeth had sunk even lower than ever , to a life of wheeling and dealing , violence and seedy men with pitted skin .sx Somebody had beaten her to a pulp .sx There was no other way to describe it .sx Her skin was shiny and bruised over her cheekbones and one eye was a violet slit .sx Her nose had been broken by the look of it , for it swelled at the bridge , but the worst part was her mouth .sx Her lips were cut and swollen beyond all recognition and surrounded by mauve scabs .sx I watched her try to suck something through a straw and wince at the effort .sx I might have known that something like this would happen - that one day somebody probably quite normal would be driven to this .sx