When I went to my cell that night , the sisters had put little bunches of flowers all over my bed .sx " She paused , and recited softly .sx " And now with all my heart I follow You :sx I fear You and I seek to see Your face .sx " .sx He blew out his breath in a long whistle .sx " That's incredible .sx " she turned to look at him with shining eyes and it took him a moment to realise they were full of tears .sx " I made a promise , and I'm terribly afraid I'm going to break it .sx " .sx " You're contemplating divorce , then .sx You and me both .sx " He sat down opposite her on an uncomfortable modern stool of steel and canvas .sx She sniffed and nodded .sx " It's not as if I'm particularly unusual .sx Leaving religious life is more common now , just as divorce is more common outside .sx Lots of orders have actually disappeared or joined up with others because they've lost so many people .sx " She brushed the back of her hand across her cheek to dry it .sx " Sorry about that .sx I shouldn't have talked so much .sx And I suppose I shouldn't be sitting here with you like this , either .sx " .sx " You want me to go .sx " .sx " Yes .sx " No .sx " All right .sx " Neither moved .sx He added , so low she could hardly catch the words , " Do I hear what you're not saying ?sx " .sx " I .sx .. don't know .sx " Yes .sx He dragged the stool across the floor so he was sitting closer , their knees touching , her hands locked nervously round the mug of coffee .sx He leaned forward to catch hold of the edges of her shawl on both sides , pulling her towards him .sx It was all very slow .sx Anna had plenty of time to draw back , get up , say something to make him stop .sx But she did none of these things .sx He transferred the shawl to his right hand and reached out with his left to touch her face .sx His fingers on her cheek , tracing the spray of lashes beneath her eye so she blinked .sx He cupped her chin in his palm and smoothed his thumb over her lips , and when she opened her mouth she breathed in the smell of his hand .sx She recalled the slow moment of peace in the middle of the birth , the three of them touching , holding on in the damp heat of the snow-lit room .sx And for the first time in the intervening hours , she allowed herself to remember the sensation of his mouth against the skin of her inner wrist .sx She whispered , " I never thanked you for helping us last night .sx " .sx He let go the shawl and took the coffee cup out of her fingers , set it on the floor .sx He held her upper arm tightly , stared intently into her face .sx Even in the dim light he could make out the complicated mouth , the concisely cut upper lip that belonged to a prim little girl , the full lower lip of a sensuous woman .sx He looked into wide , wary eyes beneath the feathery strokes of dark brows .sx He was close enough to see the delicate black line etched round the edges of the luminous irises .sx She was feminine , almost fragile in his grasp - and then the abrupt shock of the brutally close-cropped head .sx In any other woman it would be a signal of defiance , a declaration of aggression .sx But Anna had accepted the loss of her hair as an act of submission .sx Pity for her pointless offering was a stone in his chest and with a groan he pressed his hand against the shorn pelt , felt warm electricity as it prickled against his palm .sx Under his gaze Anna turned her head , too shy to look back at him .sx He noted the curve of the round neck rising from the row of pearly buttons on her nightdress , the heavy fabric shielding the shape of her body .sx She put a hand to her throat and he put his own on top of it , conscious of roughened skin , short nails , the ridge of a scar along the middle finger .sx She was all contradictions and complexes , as difficult and prickly as anyone he'd ever met .sx Not in speech - she was almost over-polite , too careful not to argue or offend :sx the product of convent discipline .sx But the discipline couldn't control the emotions that swept subtle changes over those cool features , stretching the skin over her cheekbones , drooping pale lids like bars over the transparent eyes .sx There was something unpredictable in her that was only explained now he knew about her convent background , something about the unexpected ways in which she reacted to quite simple things , like the workman's whistle from the building site in Cornhill :sx she had so little personal vanity , she'd not even connected it with herself .sx He was fascinated by the freshness she brought to even the simplest acts :sx she'd pored over the list of sandwiches in the lounge of the Victoria Hotel as if she'd never seen a menu before .sx It wasn't greed , she'd eaten with an abstracted air , her mind clearly elsewhere .sx ( He didn't recognise yet another legacy of her training) .sx There was nothing jaded about her , nothing dulled by use or hardened by knowledge .sx She reminded him of adolescence :sx his hands were sweating like a sixteen-year-old's .sx So it was a sixteen-year-old who asked , " Can I kiss you ?sx " .sx She swallowed and wouldn't look at him .sx And then she shut her eyes and held up her face for him in a child's trusting gesture , waiting .sx He put her mouth on hers .sx No more than that , their lips just meeting .sx Hers were pressed tightly together , slightly puckered , making the sticky lipsticked touch of other women lascivious by comparison .sx She drew a quick breath but didn't move away from him .sx He increased the pressure slightly so he could feel the shape of her teeth and cursed inwardly as she made a move to withdraw .sx Too much , too fast .sx He could have laughed at himself .sx At thirty-seven he'd lived with two women and was divorcing a third .sx There'd been good years , when the passion of the moment could be treated as just that , slaked without cautious probings about previous partners , nervous jokes about safe sex and paralysing post-coital anxiety .sx He'd thought that particular hassle was over for him .sx He should have worked harder at family life , as Judy had waspishly remarked during that frightful meeting at her solicitor's .sx Daniel Stern sighed .sx Anna thought it was because of her :sx she'd done something wrong , failed to respond adequately .sx She opened her eyes but by now he'd closed his , and she was able to examine his face without embarrassment .sx She liked what she could see :sx thick brown hair silvering at the temples , slightly hollow cheeks .sx He was clearly tired now , but he always had the pallor of someone who spent too much time working under artificial light .sx She pulled away from him and when he murmured a protest , put her fingers against his mouth .sx A down-curved mouth :sx a more knowledgeable woman would have thought , self-indulgent .sx She leant her forehead against his face and he said , above her head , " Butterfly kisses .sx Mmm .sx " .sx " What ?sx " She spluttered with laughter , the release of tension .sx " Your eyelashes .sx Don't stop .sx " He pulled her close again .sx " More .sx " .sx Anna felt a surge of confidence .sx Whatever she was doing , he clearly liked it .sx Emboldened , she rubbed her cheek against his , relishing the texture of his warm skin against her own .sx He put a hand round the back of her head , pushing his fingers into her hair so he could feel the bones , stroking the exposed nape of her neck which made her seem so defenceless .sx Daniel Stern was a man who liked looking after people .sx He was protective towards Sam and had , at the start of their marriage , been the same with his wife .sx People who needed help touched and moved him .sx He'd have fought dragons for Lynn last night if it would have helped ease her .sx But the realisation that Anna was vulnerable did not spark the usual reaction .sx Just the opposite .sx Inside his head , her image in wedding white bent submissive to symbolic scissors .sx Stern was speared by a double passion - for the eighteen-year-old Anna who had made herself into a living sacrifice , and for the forbidden flesh of the woman he was holding .sx With sudden strength he pulled her towards him so that she was dislodged from the edge of her chair .sx He supported her as she dropped to her knees , falling with her so they collapsed together .sx He twisted so he was beneath her , breaking her fall , and put both arms round her tightly , all the time expecting she would struggle , pull away .sx Only she did neither .sx She lay inert , closed in on herself .sx Disconcerted , he kissed her again , his mouth hard now , seeking an answer .sx Getting none , he rolled them both over so he was above her .sx Anna took the unaccustomed weight of his body with a little sigh of acceptance .sx He was heavy and warm , his chest squashing her breasts , his head on her shoulder .sx She lay with her arms by her sides , remembering the times she had wondered what it must be like to lie under a man .sx Those brief , quickly suppressed imaginings had been erotic - not for a moment had she anticipated this bear hug .sx She felt she could fall asleep on the carpet , let herself believe she had no part in what was happening .sx This wasn't like Hal's unpremeditated embrace , so disconcerting in daylight on Bradley Moor , after she'd made such a fool of herself falling into that damn bog .sx And she'd been unable to put it out of her mind .sx She'd known she should erase it , blot it out , beg forgiveness .sx But something in her protested .sx One kiss .sx Her single - pathetically brief - lapse .sx Heaven knew how many times she'd gone over it , examining the clamour it had started in her heart .sx And her body .sx Now Daniel Stern's mouth and hands transmitted urgent messages to Anna .sx But more than a decade of denial padlocked Sister Gabriel's responses :sx she was unable to bring herself to do what her body demanded - put her arms around him , hold him the way a woman holds a man she desired .sx Instead , she retreated mentally .sx She sloughed off responsibility for her actions .sx For years she had been subject to the strictest supervision , reduced by rules to the status of a child .sx In Bradford she'd had to change but it wasn't easy to be in control , of herself or of others .sx Much easier , now , if she had no choice , if what was happening to her was inevitable .sx As inevitable as the birth of Lynn's child , woven to the same pattern .sx She wanted to be part of it , now , as desperately as once she had feared it :sx love and sex and birth and life .sx The man had one hand behind her head while the other caressed her , stroking her neck , her long back , the dip of her waist .sx His lips found the pulse at the base of her throat and he licked her skin so she shivered .sx He stopped for a moment , nudging her with his knees as he kicked off his shoes .sx His knee came back , pushing at her own , insinuating itself between her legs but before she'd decided what to do about that , he was tasting her mouth with his tongue .sx He slid his right hand down from her throat to follow the line of her shoulder , the flesh of her upper arm , her ribs .sx She relaxed against him , enjoying the unaccustomed caresses , not letting herself think .sx He ran the back of his hand gently under the slight swell of her breast , bent his head to smooth his cheek against the fabric .sx She made a sound to warn him but he took it for assent and fastened his mouth on the cotton covering her nipple as she gasped with surprise , sucking so it puckered pointed against the damp cloth .sx He did the same for the other breast , his fingers squeezing one nipple , his lips the other , until wicked pleasure stopped her breath .sx She pressed her face into his shoulder so she couldn't see and let go , slipping into the tide of sensation closing over her head .sx